I am a narcissist

[ohyesido]

I am. But I'm not a horrible person.

I lack empathy but I've learned that it isn't nice to manipulate people.

Yet I still do, only in such a way that no one can ever really accuse me of it. Because I twist my words to indicate that I have everyone's best interests at heart.

Everything I do is calculated to ensure I get my own way while maintaining a facade of good intentions

Can anyone relate?

@SassK does passive aggression have similar symptoms?

@Differentstarts no I'm not. I'm thinking I'm a narcissist,not that I have a personality disorder.

@ohyesido please can you answer this?

It’s interesting though, OP, because you clearly do care what people think of you: you’ve said a few times that you don’t behave badly because you don’t want people to be able to shame you or to be justified in their criticism of you.

Npd is a personality disorder what are you not getting about that

I suppose it is narcissistic to start an attention seeking thread 😂

You're just traumatised. Nothing as glamorous as narcissism. Perhaps you need some counselling.

It's kind of boring when people pretend to misunderstand something.

Once more for the back row: I'm not diagnosing myself with anything and I don't want anyone else to.

Narcissist/NPD are not one and the same

Well that's new, i've never been accused of being passive! I tend to call a spade a fucking shovel tbf.

This is a very strange thread…

But everyone has narcissistic traits that's normal. Being an actual narcissist in medical terms is npd which is a personality disorder what did you think the pd stood for

You’re wrong. You do seem to find yourself very superior and we are mere mortals that don’t understand terminology or.. words 🤣 very reductive to the people who have survived relationships with narcissists too.

I understand gaslighting. I understand narcissists. I’ve had two in my life. It took me a long while to realise what was happening to me as it is a very subtle behavioural modification tactic. I grew up very close to one and being subjected to those behaviours throughout my life, I seem to attract the same thing in partners. They would never outwardly admit to being one - in fact narcissists can’t handle any critique of themselves at all. Which you seem to be getting off on? So again.. odd.

I also have an academic career spanning 15 years in Psychology, Psychiatry and Forensics… so…

I think you are confusing what a narcissist is. Yes you have traits of one - feelings of grandeur, superior over others.. but most narcissists don’t outwardly display these things to the world so outwardly and theatrically. Nor do they welcome the onslaught of criticism.

Lack of empathy, superiority complex and the intrinsic need for attention screams Psychopathy to me. You might wanna get that checked.

Bro.

It’s one of the main features.

Not answering for OP but myself
A lot of people like me like other people to think well of them because a) its easier to manipulate people if they like you and b) its sort of fun to fool people.
I get a bit of a kick from the fact that people have no idea who I actually am if I am honest. Although as someone upthread suggested after a while people may realise there is something "off" about me.

Very very interesting...

I doubt you are a narcissist. It’s a very overused word.

Only a tiny percentage of the population (1-5%) have diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. Though that might partly be because a common feature of NPD is not considering or accepting you have it, hence not being diagnosed.

So, if you say you have it, that would be quite unusual.

There are numerous criteria for NPD and sounds like you may have some of them (as we all probably do to some extent) but not all. A common thread is engaging in behaviours which harm yourself or others, usually driven by a need to impress. So the question is, does your behaviour cause harm?

We live in a narcissistic society these days, so people often think narcissistic behaviour is a good thing. ‘Fake it til you make it’ can come across as narcissistic. So can anyone who makes a reality show about themselves.
.

Oh dear 🙈

I don’t think you have clue what you’re talking about.

Have you even researched the traits of narcissism?
You could have at least done that before starting a thread saying you had it lol.

We could have told you on page 1 you don’t have NPD.

Why are you so intent of having a label?

What is wrong in your life that makes you wonder what’s wrong with you?

You seem to have a good relationship and enjoy your job.
You obviously have issues with your son and you don’t speak very nicely of him but that doesn’t mean that you are the problem (a narcissist definitely wouldn’t think so).

So I’m wondering why you want a label because there obviously must be a reason.

Never said anything about Dr Ramani. Nor have I listened to podcasts.

There is a PD called NPD. That is not disputed. However having “narcissistic traits” or being describable as a “narcissist” does not mean you have a personality disorder. As I have explained PDs are serious mental health diagnoses indicating significant social and occupational impairment. Pathological narcissism as in NPD is rare. Around 1% of the population.

There's a lot of anger being directed at me for my perception of myself.

A couple having a little sub thread talking about me in the third person.

Others eagerly waiting for me to respond to their clever little digs.

I learned at a fairly young age that not responding to baiting really frustrates a certain type of person.

When they get no reply, they repeat the comment again, in case I didn't notice the first time. Then they feel foolish and slink off

Interesting post as many people who think like you are not self aware enough to realise it and articulate it.

Did this approach extend to your son when he was a child - I mean, would you do genuinely selfless things for him for no benefit to yourself or to your detriment, or only because you have learned it is expected of you and to your detriment if you are not seen to do things for him?

Good question.

Interesting thread, OP, thanks for sharing this. I think the commenters' reactions to your posts are quite fascinating! There is a deep negativity towards disclosure like this. I wonder if it would be different if you were male.

Well, as someone raised by a true narcissist (before it was common parlance) and now working in mental health at a clinical level with NPDs/PDs….nope, not relating to any of it in the way you possibly hope.

OP, there’s something here for sure, so I do hope you get support for your low self-esteem and for things that may have potentially happened to you in your early life. It’s positive that you have an awareness of your behaviour, though.