Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

[Mrsredlipstick]

I'm posting after a few questions on other threads have been raised regarding male posters. (I'm not that bothered personally but I have been stalked and abused during my time on MN)
The frequency of posters being offended by males joining the debate is growing.
I only use three SM platforms so I know nothing of Reddit etc. The question is why do men want to post on mumsnet?
FWIW I wouldn't dream of posting on dadsnet. I also don't touch certain boards as they feel smutty.

I find I'm just not that interested in what they have to say on here in all honesty. When I realise an OP is written by a man my interest generally wanes, can't help it 😂

Far from a parenting forum? This will be news to MN.

Here is their own definition about the aim of the site.

Our aim is to:

• Make parents' lives easier by pooling knowledge, advice and support.

Far from a parenting forum? This will be news to MN
I doubt it.
You only have to tap on the Talk section and it opens a plethora of subjects, most of which have nothing to do with parenting.

Bit torn on this one. On one hand, it's good to be inclusive, and bad to discriminate. On the other... so many experiences of men being patronising and dismissive, and dominating the conversation, not just 'in real life' but on other internet forums too. Twenty years ago I was on a political talkboard where I eventually decided to hide the fact that I was a woman, because as a 'man' I'd be taken so much more seriously by the actual men.

I don't mind men being here until they start the thread with 'a man here' or some such announcement. Ooh wow a man, we will all pay attention now 'The Man' has arrived. Bugger off.

And I especially dislike the men posts about an issue they are having with their wife/partner asking for advice like we are some homogenous female mass who by virtue of having XX chromosomes will know exactly what he needs to do.

Have rarely seen a problematic man on mn (I generally read the not very inflammatory aibu posts and stay away from feminism so I will admit that might be it!). Men say ‘as a man’ on mn I’d guess for the same reason I say (from Ireland) in my posts- to let people know in advance and not get hammered later about it (although they generally do!)

Seems like many men don't want women to have their own stuff. Men like to invade. I can't ever imagine women all starting to use Dadsnet. It really annoys me.

Congratulations on demonstrating the attitude that pisses most of us off: Women! Don't criticise men! Your place is to adore us.
🙄

There's a preponderance of women moaning about their male partners because many/most men are crap at being equal, respectful, caring partners. If they raised their game, there'd be no need for women to seek advice or commiseration on the matter.

"Man-hating women" is a trope favoured by the kind of men who can't take criticism. I'll concede that there's a tiny smattering of Mumsnetters who really do seem to hate men - a proportion far smaller than that of men who hate women - but "man-hating" usually refers to factual statements.

Over 90% of violent crime is perpetrated by men, as is 98% of sex-related crime. Men harass, bully and molest women all the time, they often don't even notice they're doing it. 5% of men have been seriously sexually assaulted by men, but at least 25% of women have. Domestic abuse accounts for 18% of recorded UK crime - 93% of the defendants are male; 84% of victims are female.

If saying all this doesn't make you think "That's terrible, how can I help?" but, instead, annoys you or makes you feel persecuted, there's a problem and it's not women talking about men.

You realise you can't actually verify the sex of anyone on an anonymous internet forum right ?

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth
Do you feel the same about women who don’t have children posting here?

"I don't think that's an analogy at all.
Women, whether they have children or not, share a vast number of experiences which men never experience."

@Sosoweary women who aren't Mothers don't have "parenting " in common though do they?

If a man has been widowed for e.g and left to "mother" his kids alone, should he not be able to ask for some good advice on here?

On another note, I'm also wondering, would it not maybe do the men, moaning about the lack of sex they think they are entitled to, some good to get a few honest MN answers on here?

🤔

Or maybe they are.just clarifying the fact, since it's a predominantly female site?

On another note, I'm also wondering, would it not maybe do the men, moaning about the lack of sex they think they are entitled to, some good to get a few honest MN answers on here?

If they were genuinely listening, maybe, but that’s not what those sorts of men are interested in. It usually becomes clear within their first 5 posts, some manage to hide it a bit longer, but the mask usually slips. The posts are so similar on so many of those sorts of threads, that I’ve often wondered if it’s the same man posting. On reflection, I think it’s just that there is a certain type of man that would choose to plonk themselves down on mumsnet and post that sort of thing, with the same agenda and awful attitude to women, which explains the similarities.

I said far from JUST a parenting forum.

I posted earlier that I'd just been on to dadsnet. I opened just two threads, and both had a woman posting on them.

Well actually a woman who hasn't " got children" may still have gone through pregnancy and child birth.

She may experience " parenting" by parenting children other women have given birth to - adopted children, fostered, step children , siblings etc.

And the point still stands that even if a woman doesnt experience " parenting" there are still a myriad of other experiences she shares with other women that men just don't share.

Yes though I agree a man asking for advice on raising his children on MN is reasonable.

However some of the posts by men on MN aren't: I'm thinking of the salacious stuff on the sex thread and their interventions on relationship threads peddling an agenda suited to benefit men for example.

I find quite a lot of the topics interesting, I’ve had more female grounds than male, work in a largely female sector, don’t want to be on a board about football often, have never really got into reddit. Ib do make sure my name makes it clear I’m a male but once I’m here i don’t think much about it being mums though.

I post primarily on the cat threads (best ones I've ever found on the internet) and on a few of the gaming threads, occassionally on political, religious and music (education) ones and rarely anywhere else. I often read the feminism chats but don't post (not my place), and don't tend to look at the relationships threads. I never go anywhere near the sex topics.
If anyone within the topics I contribute to objected to my presence as a man I'd stop posting in them. On the cat threads it's known that I'm a man, on the others possibly not - I genuinely don't think it's relevant in the areas I post in.
As to why I use mumsnet - I was introduced to it by a female work colleague years ago (due to one of the well known and completely bonkers AIBU threads) and I have discovered very interesting, pleasant and supportive communities in the areas in which I post.

And yes - I do discuss interesting threads I've read here in RL with family and friends

I don't mind men being on this forum, providing they aren't mansplaining, and they keep off of threads where they're not wanted (eg women's reproductive health, feminism). There must be plenty of single dads raising kids who want practical advice from women, rather than from other men on Dadsnet.

I'm also sure that if it was the legal board or DIY board, a lot of you wouldn't object if a male lawyer/plumber/architect/electrician came on and gave invaluable advice.

@BIWI

Hard to answer without sounding like a poor moaning man but apologies it’s ended as a mega man post if you can be arsed reading 😩

Best way I can think of is the “cheer up love it may never happen” the mums net reply “they never do it to men do they”
and then boom once you see it you can’t unseen it and yes it makes my skin crawl too.

However it also makes you aware of how some of my genuine personality and pure physical presence that I can’t change is being perceived by women and it has affected me.

The difference in me has been noticeable at home and at work by women. When pointed out my reflection is I am just more cautious than I used to be and certainly engage less at meetings and teams.

I am sure that is a good thing to some on here but it does make me fearful for my lads and the attraction to nefarious goons on the web.

Why am I still here you ask.Holiday advice, baked potato fillings and a better marriage and family life is the pay off x

TBH @Theohippopotamus that sounds like MN has had a pretty positive impact. You're aware of how men can (because not all do, obviously) have such a negative role in women's lives.

And hopefully more sensitive on behalf of your sons, so you can teach them more about the malicious - if not sinister - motives of people like Andrew Tate.

@LovelySunnyDayToday

On another note, I'm also wondering, would it not maybe do the men, moaning about the lack of sex they think they are entitled to, some good to get a few honest MN answers on here?

Yes it possibly could - but:

• many of them aren't here with a genuine issue, but rather to goad, prod and poke at women, from a MRA-type perspective. 'All women are bad' and don't 'look after' their men properly, etc.
• and even if they are genuine, you can tell from the way that they respond to answers to their OP, that they really aren't listening

The number of men who come here with that kind of 'problem' who are genuine, listen and change their behaviour/attitude is, I'd bet, vanishingly small.

Shudders I had that years ago. It wasn't until the message asked to see them in fishnets that I twigged.! I was innocent then.

@Doggymummar @coldcallerbaiter i was selling over the knee boots. Imagine what I got!

@BIWI

Some massive positives even god forbid I admit to having been on the sex thread on occasion which has been beneficial again if you listen to.

The negatives are harder to describe without sounding full angry Tate. I do think that the old me is missed by some as I now keep getting asked if I am ok at the end of meetings hopefully I am just finding the balance. Would I be harder if I was single definitely.

The attraction of Tate and the like is an everyone problem but needs men to step up and they are less likely if they themselves FEEL marginalised not necessarily that they are .

Ill get back in my lane now 👍