Page 7 | Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

Mrsredlipstick · 2025-02-21T16:03:43+00:00

I'm posting after a few questions on other threads have been raised regarding male posters. (I'm not that bothered personally but I have been stalked and abused during my time on MN) The frequency of posters being offended by males joining the debate is growing. I only use three SM platforms so I know nothing of Reddit etc. The question is why do men want to post on mumsnet? FWIW I wouldn't dream of posting on dadsnet. I also don't touch certain boards as they feel smutty.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2025 20:41

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 20:39

There are some great male posters. @sinnerboy springs to mind. Almost, dare I say it, allies <hides>
But there are many many more who:
Post a wall of text
Tell us off
Announce their fucking presence
Think they know better
Try to get us to tell their WAG off
Spam mercilessly
Don't listen
Endlessly tell us why porn, prostitution and stripping are great (I assume while wanking)
Harass us in DMs
Angry post (I assume while wanking)
Post weird post so that they get 'told off' (I assume while wanking)
Post in bad faith
Post like we should care what they say more than what the awesome and intelligent women of MN think
Cannot let women talk amongst themselves.
Avoid those, feel free. But most of them don't have the self-awareness to avoid these.,
I agree.
Anything dodgy have always reported.

Others need to do the same.

Oh I forget, men who tell us what to do.

Them too.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 20:42

HowardTJMoon · 21/02/2025 20:37

Yes I did. In 2023 Reddit made a number of changes to its policies that meant I was no longer comfortable continuing to contribute to the site. It's a shame as there were a number of subreddits I really liked, r/BreakingDad being one of them, but I felt the principles involved were more important (obligatory fuck u/spez). I left Twitter in 2024 for much the same reason (obligatory fuck @elonmusk).

If a website I use has a major change of policy that I don't agree with I stop using it. What would you do?

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Glad you're putting your comfort first.

Digdongdoo · 21/02/2025 20:42

saraclara · 21/02/2025 20:38

If anyone's shouting anyone down, it's you. A woman.
@HowardTJMoon has been calm and reasonable throughout.

When push comes to shove, men are welcomed here by the owner, and it's made very clear that they're allowed to be here. So you don't get to make your own rules and police the men who post here in good faith.

Edited

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Hardly. My posts have been concise, as opposed to a long tirade of how I am oh so different.
And "policing". Please. I can't even if I wanted to.

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 20:46

@MrsTerryPratchett
*Oh I forget, men who tell us what to do.
Them too

I hope that wasn't aimed at me!

indigovapour · 21/02/2025 20:56

OhBow · 21/02/2025 20:40

I think it would be really kind and respectful if men let us have just this one space online.

What about what the people who own and run MN want? You know, the ones who explicitly say it's by parents and for parents and consistently make it clear that anyone's welcome so long as they abide by the posting rules. Do they get a vote?

If so, I'd say they've made their views pretty clear, wouldn't you? You should definitely take it up with them. I'm sure they'd be fascinated to hear your hot take.

HowardTJMoon · 21/02/2025 21:01

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 20:37

So you're happy to be here, despite leaving the helpful forum you found for dad's, because you're only making some women uncomfortable and potentially preventing them from asking for help?

And you won't leave until you're explicitly asked to leave by the site owners, despite being happy to leave the dad forum?

Yip, that sounds about right tbh.

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OK. I'm listening. What's the ratio between the number of women who don't want men posting on Mumsnet versus the number of women who do that I should use in my decision about deleting my account? Does the opinion of the owners of this site factor in to that for you or not?

Original poster

Mrsredlipstick · 21/02/2025 21:09

@MrsTerryPratchett notacooldad appears to be a women not a man.

I did make the mistake of thinking otherwise because of the username. I was thinking knitted jumper and dad dancing!

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2025 21:10

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 20:46

@MrsTerryPratchett
*Oh I forget, men who tell us what to do.
Them too

I hope that wasn't aimed at me!

It's a good one thought, right?

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 21:10

HowardTJMoon · 21/02/2025 21:01

OK. I'm listening. What's the ratio between the number of women who don't want men posting on Mumsnet versus the number of women who do that I should use in my decision about deleting my account? Does the opinion of the owners of this site factor in to that for you or not?

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Do the ratios matter?

If your presence here has even prevented one woman per year asking for help that's 20 women who felt so uncomfortable that they have been unable to access help.

If I went onto, for example, a men's mental health forum, because I do have experience of men's mental health issues, and it prevented one man from asking for help on a forum predominantly for them, then I would feel like an absolute bag of shit and leave immediatly, not say "well what about ratios though and the owners aren't allowed to ask me to leave based on my sex so what am I supposed to do" I would just be considerate of the space, but then I'm a woman who has been socialised not to trample into the spaces of others.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/02/2025 21:11

Mrsredlipstick · 21/02/2025 21:09

@MrsTerryPratchett notacooldad appears to be a women not a man.

I did make the mistake of thinking otherwise because of the username. I was thinking knitted jumper and dad dancing!

Combover dad jokes

SmalllChange · 21/02/2025 21:19

@notacooldad can you just clarify whether you're male or female?

I always assumed male too, due to your username?

dervalle · 21/02/2025 21:20

Men do not like to admit they need advice/help/guidance in most anything. Hence no forum for them, lest they admit it. It's easy to hide in a place like MN which is anonymous, but women focused.

HowardTJMoon · 21/02/2025 21:23

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 21:10

Do the ratios matter?

If your presence here has even prevented one woman per year asking for help that's 20 women who felt so uncomfortable that they have been unable to access help.

If I went onto, for example, a men's mental health forum, because I do have experience of men's mental health issues, and it prevented one man from asking for help on a forum predominantly for them, then I would feel like an absolute bag of shit and leave immediatly, not say "well what about ratios though and the owners aren't allowed to ask me to leave based on my sex so what am I supposed to do" I would just be considerate of the space, but then I'm a woman who has been socialised not to trample into the spaces of others.

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My view is that if 1 person said I wasn't welcome but 1,000 said they'd prefer I stayed then, yes, the ratios are important. I also believe there's a wide gulf between your hypothetical "the owners aren't allowed [my emphasis] to ask me to leave" and, as I understand mumsnet HQ's current standpoint, that "the owners are happy that I'm here as long as I'm not an arse".

But thank you for your viewpoint. I'll think about it. I certainly wouldn't want women to feel that my presence would stop them from getting the support and advice they need. But I'm unsure how to balance that against the women who have explicitly said that they're grateful for the advice and support that I've been able to offer them here.

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 21:26

*notacooldad · Today 20:46
**
*Oh I forget, men who tell us what to do.
Them too
I hope that wasn't aimed at me!
It's a good one thought, right?

It would be if I was a bloke!

SmalllChange · 21/02/2025 21:27

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 21:26

*notacooldad · Today 20:46
**
*Oh I forget, men who tell us what to do.
Them too
I hope that wasn't aimed at me!
It's a good one thought, right?

It would be if I was a bloke!

If you're not a bloke, then why choose a user name that leads everyone to think you are? 😳

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 21:30

can you just clarify whether you're male or female?
I always assumed male too, due to your username?
,I'm an old female!
I've explained my user name several times on different threads when we've been asked how we got our name.

Msmoonpie · 21/02/2025 21:30

A male perspective is fine. Often welcome.

A man wading in into a thread where he is not wanted nor relevant to tell all these silly wimen how to think and do things because they won’t think of it on their own is not welcome.

Mysterian · 21/02/2025 21:32

SmalllChange · 21/02/2025 21:27

If you're not a bloke, then why choose a user name that leads everyone to think you are? 😳

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Why does MrsTerryPratchett have a user name that leads everyone to think she was married to Terry Pratchett? Our user names are not always accurate.

saraclara · 21/02/2025 21:32

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 21:10

Do the ratios matter?

If your presence here has even prevented one woman per year asking for help that's 20 women who felt so uncomfortable that they have been unable to access help.

If I went onto, for example, a men's mental health forum, because I do have experience of men's mental health issues, and it prevented one man from asking for help on a forum predominantly for them, then I would feel like an absolute bag of shit and leave immediatly, not say "well what about ratios though and the owners aren't allowed to ask me to leave based on my sex so what am I supposed to do" I would just be considerate of the space, but then I'm a woman who has been socialised not to trample into the spaces of others.

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Given the subjects that @HowardTJMoon posts about and helps people with, I can't quite see why anyone on threads about living with an alcoholic, or parenting bereaved children will run away at the sight of a man who's experienced those things.

And in sorry, but you ARE trying to police him. You are constantly telling him that he shouldn't be here and should leave. You have no right to do that when the owner of this site has made it clear that he and other men are welcomed here.

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 21:32

If you're not a bloke, then why choose a user name that leads everyone to think you are?
😳
People make assumptions. That's up to them. I don't assume that other people are literally their username.
I've explained my username numerous times on different threads over the years

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 21:33

HowardTJMoon · 21/02/2025 21:23

My view is that if 1 person said I wasn't welcome but 1,000 said they'd prefer I stayed then, yes, the ratios are important. I also believe there's a wide gulf between your hypothetical "the owners aren't allowed [my emphasis] to ask me to leave" and, as I understand mumsnet HQ's current standpoint, that "the owners are happy that I'm here as long as I'm not an arse".

But thank you for your viewpoint. I'll think about it. I certainly wouldn't want women to feel that my presence would stop them from getting the support and advice they need. But I'm unsure how to balance that against the women who have explicitly said that they're grateful for the advice and support that I've been able to offer them here.

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I think there are people who aren't fussed if men are here, and people who really do mind if they are.

The people who would actively prefer men be here are very few and far between imo as its really not difficult to get a male opinion elsewhere.

There are many helpful women on here who have had very similar experiences to you who offer great support as well so it would still be fine.

Kittygolightlyy · 21/02/2025 21:35

BIWI · 21/02/2025 16:16

I don't really mind. But what I do object to, is the number of men who register here to just moan about their wives/girlfriends. Almost always it's because they're not getting the amount of sex they feel they deserve. And almost always, I'd argue, they're not here with genuine intent. It's about making the point that women are horrible to men.

(But what I hate even more are the handmaidens who fall over themselves to be sympathetic and completely fail to realise the real agenda behind the posts).

💯 agree on all counts..

notacooldad · 21/02/2025 21:38

I think there are people who aren't fussed if men are here, and people who really do mind if they are
To be honest mumsnet users aren't gatekeepers on who can or cannot post on a public forum.
Mumsnet is a business not a private chat group.

SmalllChange · 21/02/2025 21:39

Mysterian · 21/02/2025 21:32

Why does MrsTerryPratchett have a user name that leads everyone to think she was married to Terry Pratchett? Our user names are not always accurate.

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Oh come on, that's hardly the same as misleading people into thinking you're the opposite sex 🤣🤣

I mean not that I care. Like I said earlier, none of us can be sure of who's behind the keyboard anyway.

But I do think it's odd.

Each to their own though 🤷‍♂️

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 21/02/2025 21:40

saraclara · 21/02/2025 21:32

Given the subjects that @HowardTJMoon posts about and helps people with, I can't quite see why anyone on threads about living with an alcoholic, or parenting bereaved children will run away at the sight of a man who's experienced those things.

And in sorry, but you ARE trying to police him. You are constantly telling him that he shouldn't be here and should leave. You have no right to do that when the owner of this site has made it clear that he and other men are welcomed here.

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You can't see why women traumatised by men wouldn't want advice from a man?

I have every right to express my opinion on a thread that asks for opinions, just as you've expressed yours to me.

Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

Interested in this thread?