Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

[Mrsredlipstick]

I'm posting after a few questions on other threads have been raised regarding male posters. (I'm not that bothered personally but I have been stalked and abused during my time on MN)
The frequency of posters being offended by males joining the debate is growing.
I only use three SM platforms so I know nothing of Reddit etc. The question is why do men want to post on mumsnet?
FWIW I wouldn't dream of posting on dadsnet. I also don't touch certain boards as they feel smutty.

Perhaps you know what it's like to be a woman now, in certain circumstances? Surely that level of insight is a good thing?

The insight is good and has brought me benefits. Knowing how some men treat women is eye opening and has encouraged me to read wider than MN.

It maybe just boils down to if your trying to be one of the good guys (maybe being on here and not being a dick) getting lumped in with the bad guys Is difficult ( see recent swiming bath thread) but then boohoo for men if hurt feelings are our greatest fear.

I know, I just gave all mine to the charity shop when I had a clear out, bypassed eBay. Idk if vinted is any better.

It's also good to try to understand what it's like to be a man, in certain circumstances. But we see precious little of that on Mumsnet.

I'm not on a 'be nice to men' campaign on this thread. I just feel that the world is lacking in empathy in all directions. I'm not just talking about between the sexes. There's a lot of faux sentimentality on social media, but a lot less stopping to think 'what is this person's perception of their situation and how are they likely to be feeling?'

If we want men to understand what women are dealing with and feeling, there has to be some reciprocity in considering the very different pressures that affect men. Fortunately I have some really good male friends who listen to me, and who I listen to in return.

Just out of interest; at what point does my reproductive status, or lack thereof, make me “odd” for being on an anonymous online forum?

In all fairness though there are loads of sub sections that have nothing to do with parenting -.and many of us no longer have young kids or even kids at home.

That's pretty close to 'what about the menz?' though, isn't it? I would argue that women spend a lot of time trying to understand what it's like to be a man. Why should we have to do that on Mumsnet as well?!

I think you will find that in the main, the reason most women posters on MN are intolerant of the men posters is that we live in a world where there is vanishingly little empathy from men towards women. Read the relationships board where most posters are trying to navigate a world where most of the pressures they are living under or raising children under are down to the increasingly selfish and self absorbed attitude from men.
So women are increasingly losing patience and energy trying to garner empathy and understanding of the pressures that men live under.
Maybe you could preach that to the menz.

Cross posted 😂 Great minds!

I'd preach it to everyone. To men, women, and children. People in general. It's not an either/or.

In an increasingly polarised society, it's even more important that people take a moment to consider other sides of the argument and other people's perspectives. And that includes women trying to understand other women, and men trying to understand men, where their lives and ways of seeing the world are different.

So yes, I'll continue to risk getting the knee jerk responses and unjustified accusations of being a 'what about the menz' by advocating for listening to each other. And if I was on a mens board I'd say the same about them needing to listen to women.

Maybe I’m weird but I quite often say that.

Personally, I came to MN to research ahead of our first child. I stayed for the interesting and informative debate on a wide range of issues. Two things that I get here that are rare elsewhere: i) the sex-based rights discussions are miles ahead of other places in terms of sophistication. I’ve learned a lot. ii) the diversity of backgrounds, experiences and beliefs of posters on MN is unmatched, (I guess because motherhood/parenthood cuts across all other categories). I can’t think of any other place online or off where there’s such a variety of people who come together in one place. Other places naturally silo in a way that MN can’t so easily.

@saraclara you insult me by saying my response was 'kneejerk'. I also didn't say it was a 'WATM' comment - I said it was pretty close to one.

I don't disagree that both sexes should take time to listen to each other. But it's all too evident from the way that some men use MN that they don't listen to women. And that's what this thread is about - men on MN, not men and women in 'real life'.

There is nothing unjustified nor knee jerk about our responses, thanks. You aren't listening and you've just shown that.

And you can dress it up as you like but you are being hand-maiden as fuck.

We as women live in a world where there is no empathy from men towards women so why should we bend ourselves in two to show empathy and understanding when it is never reciprocated? Women are increasingly done with men and don't need them in the same way we used to. If men are struggling with that then that's their problem to change because they have created it.

Do you think the issues women face in Afghanistan are because they aren't empathetic enough towards men? Maybe go preach it there.

Erm, dad here 😳

And YES, I am always telling my mates and partner about this interesting post I saw on mumsnet, etc, and they jokingly rip into me about it, at least I think it's playful...

But I come back again and again, generally in an observation capacity and very rarely comment but some of the advice I've read have proved invaluable as a first time dad.

Bloody hell, it's not that deep!!!!

Prime example of the point being made...

How so? From my point of view, it is not that deep. I come to mumsnet for advice on parenting my 7 month old boy, NOTHING ELSE, zero motive, purely seeking advice and if I can give useful advice and contribute to the cause, then that's a bonus.

So yes, for me, it really isn't that deep. And I do not mean to come across rude, not intended that way

It's not that deep for you because you are a man.
It's the hypocrisy that gets me. Men like you say "it's not that deep" as you come to women for help (yet again). Yet you remain unable to work it out for yourselves in your own spaces...

The irony!

You do not know me, so stop with the "men like you" crap. All of these male haters, erm, HOW DID YOU GET PREGNANT????
It infuriates me that certain people preach about sexism and inequality yet the very same people sustain the divide with their attitude.
Chill the F out, I use the Internet to look for answers on a wide range of topics ranging from sickness to weaning, milestone, opinions and what not and more often than not I am directed to mumsnet because there are obviously a lot of answers and maybe I feel more comfortable with the information coming from people with lived experiences who know what they're taking about but because I am a MALE this shouldn't be allowed, that's what people are saying right? Really?????

I didn't get pregnant to a man like you obviously...
If you gave a single shit about sexism or inequality you would ask yourself why you can't find the advice you need from other men. Ask yourself why dad's don't have the "lived experience" to answer your questions. Ask yourself why women might be tired of supporting and advising, only to be told "it's not that deep". But you don't actually give a shit do you?
If it's not a big deal, if it's so easy, why can't men manage it?

@ToeKneeBeee

While I dont agree that men shoulndint be on here I do understand some of the reasons and I do personally do my bit for Men and boys as is being asked that we do . Unfortunatly now you have started shouting at women on a manily female fourum you have just lost the agument!!

You are not comming across in a good light and once you let the mask slip the women on here know they have seen you before. Even though you think that you are a good progresive man it is obvious that currently you just dont get get. If you have been on here for seven months I dont know what you have been reading to not understand that either .

Do some more work and you can be a better boy xx

Oops, seems like the "nice guy" mask has slipped there.

Why is it a joke to your mates to get advice on here?

bunch of misogynist arseholes no doubt

Do you realise how angry and entitled you are being in a predominantly women's space?