Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

[Mrsredlipstick]

I'm posting after a few questions on other threads have been raised regarding male posters. (I'm not that bothered personally but I have been stalked and abused during my time on MN)
The frequency of posters being offended by males joining the debate is growing.
I only use three SM platforms so I know nothing of Reddit etc. The question is why do men want to post on mumsnet?
FWIW I wouldn't dream of posting on dadsnet. I also don't touch certain boards as they feel smutty.

The entire rest of the internet is a man's perspective.

Well thank God men sought out a parenting site to dish out gardening advice to the ladies. How would we cope without them.
Well in these particular cases, no one else was coming up with solutions 🤷
Any pretence of it being a patenting site only went out of the window more than two decades ago.
Men are probably finding mn the same way as I did, Google a topic that I needed info about and then found other talk threads to keep me interested and stayed.

*Mrsredlipstick · Today 20:06

So there you have it, a man telling me to 'cool my jets'.
8.04 pm a record I think.,
Which man would that be?
I think I'm the only one that said that to you? Who else said it? 🤔

Women who have recently joined Mumsnet haven't "earned" anything just by their sex. Just because other women have posted herefor 20 years doesn't make their first OP more worthy of helpful answers than a man's. Especially when that man has been here for years and helped other posters.

In neither of those circumstances could I add anything useful. I tried but I got nowhere. The r/BreakingDad subreddit was good but I left Reddit a couple of years ago. I do still contribute to a couple of sites that are focussed on dealing with alcoholism in the family.

I really don't think it is!

The thing is, it’s an anonymous forum. On many topics, I wouldn’t know who was replying and whether they were male or female (the Doghouse and the gardening topic are some examples I can think of). So unless someone announces it, or you recognise them from another thread, how do you know if they are male or female 🤷🏽‍♀️

You chose to leave the forum focused on fatherhood and men which you say was good?

Interesting.

Hilarious.

FFS - you were the one who made the comparison with betting sites!

Engage brain before posting.

JFC. <bangs head on keyboard>

As I said, I like to think that the advice I was able to give here has gone some way to balance out the emotional labour that women on here have provided to me. I've got no way of measuring that but if you want to search here under this username and my previous username of Snorbs for anything to do with alcoholic/alcoholism/social services/child protection register/death of coparent/etc since about 2008 you can judge that for yourself.

Yes, I know there are some women on here that would prefer there are no men here at all. Whenever this subject comes up (as it does every month or so) there are also some women here who are very supportive of men being here. I imagine that the majority don't particularly care one way or the other. Given that range of views I look at what the owners of the site say and they've repeatedly made it clear that they welcome men posting here as long as we're not dicks. The minute Justine changes her mind I'll delete my account.

I do think you ought to reflect on the fact that you only joined when you became a single parent.
You think you're so different, but you're not. Jumping in for female support when other female support is no longer available. Unwilling to really reflect upon why some women don't want men here.

Why would you assume the majority don't care either way? An awful lot don't bother engaging because this topic always ends up the same - men shouting us down.

So notacooldad is not a man?

I might change my name to Billybigbits so I can get a different reaction.

No one is saying mumsnet must be a charity. What some are asking is why men feel the need to 'contribute' to a predominantly female forum.
If notacooldad knew anything about addiction they would not be comparing a discussion forum with a solely commercial betting site. We have a few ads, so what, I think it's a fair trade off for mainly great advice and support.

BIWI
FFS - you were the one who made the comparison with betting sites!
Engage brain before posting.

Jeez, this is getting long winded.
Op said mn is founded by women implying it was only for women, that was my take on it anyway.
All I said was bet365 was founded by a women. Therefore following OPs logic maybe men shouldn't go there. That's all
I don't have any strong feelings fir or against gambling Its not something I've really expierenced.
Op went on a tirade about gambling at me when it's something I have no interest on, that why I told her in a jokey way to cool the fuck up!

This thread is awful and some of the comments about men are an embarrassment. It’s an anonymous forum fgs

There are some great male posters. @sinnerboy springs to mind. Almost, dare I say it, allies <hides>

But there are many many more who:

Post a wall of text
Tell us off
Announce their fucking presence
Think they know better
Try to get us to tell their WAG off
Spam mercilessly
Don't listen
Endlessly tell us why porn, prostitution and stripping are great (I assume while wanking)
Harass us in DMs
Angry post (I assume while wanking)
Post weird post so that they get 'told off' (I assume while wanking)
Post in bad faith
Post like we should care what they say more than what the awesome and intelligent women of MN think
Cannot let women talk amongst themselves.

Avoid those, feel free. But most of them don't have the self-awareness to avoid these.

So you're happy to be here, despite leaving the helpful forum you found for dad's, because you're only making some women uncomfortable and potentially preventing them from asking for help?

And you won't leave until you're explicitly asked to leave by the site owners, despite being happy to leave the dad forum?

Yip, that sounds about right tbh.

🫶👆

Yes I did. In 2023 Reddit made a number of changes to its policies that meant I was no longer comfortable continuing to contribute to the site. It's a shame as there were a number of subreddits I really liked, r/BreakingDad being one of them, but I felt the principles involved were more important (obligatory fuck u/spez). I left Twitter in 2024 for much the same reason (obligatory fuck @elonmusk).

If a website I use has a major change of policy that I don't agree with I stop using it. What would you do?

If anyone's shouting anyone down, it's you. A woman.
@HowardTJMoon has been calm and reasonable throughout.

When push comes to shove, men are welcomed here by the owner, and it's made very clear that they're allowed to be here. So you don't get to make your own rules and police the men who post here in good faith.

There are some great male posters. @sinnerboy springs to mind. Almost, dare I say it, allies <hides>
But there are many many more who:
Post a wall of text
Tell us off
Announce their fucking presence
Think they know better
Try to get us to tell their WAG off
Spam mercilessly
Don't listen
Endlessly tell us why porn, prostitution and stripping are great (I assume while wanking)
Harass us in DMs
Angry post (I assume while wanking)
Post weird post so that they get 'told off' (I assume while wanking)
Post in bad faith
Post like we should care what they say more than what the awesome and intelligent women of MN think
Cannot let women talk amongst themselves.
Avoid those, feel free. But most of them don't have the self-awareness to avoid these.,
I agree.
Anything dodgy have always reported.

Others need to do the same.

I find men posting here creepy and uncomfortable. There, I admitted it.

I think it would be really kind and respectful if men let us have just this one space online.