Why do men post on mumsnet? Asking after another thread.

[Mrsredlipstick]

I'm posting after a few questions on other threads have been raised regarding male posters. (I'm not that bothered personally but I have been stalked and abused during my time on MN)
The frequency of posters being offended by males joining the debate is growing.
I only use three SM platforms so I know nothing of Reddit etc. The question is why do men want to post on mumsnet?
FWIW I wouldn't dream of posting on dadsnet. I also don't touch certain boards as they feel smutty.

They haven't heard of death grip or asexuality/impotence. The answer to this could be very enlightening 🫤

Indeed. This is how I feel. Benefitting from women’s labour, expecting women’s help and advice and support. As if it is owed, rather than earned.

And please don’t reply saying ‘women get help here’. Yeah, they do. They’ve earned that right.

I'm glad it's predominantly female and don't mind a few men being here, as long as they aren't cocky mansplainers.
It's just so intriguing why they seem to mostly be on the sex boards..

It's not "more forums". They already exist. They just need to use them. Why can't one single male dominated site provide parenting advice for men? And given they can't manage it on the rest of the internet, why would you invite it here?
@Digdongdoo
Because MN is not a solely parenting site. It is much more and always has been for more than twenty years.

A man offered me good advice on property and an issue I had with a building I own. Another
man gave me some useful gardening advice, yet another gave men really useful decorating tips. Men need parenting advice.
However if any are being creepy, mygonsist or just dam right weird they , like any other troll need to be reported, blocked and banned.

Presumably you go and post regularly on those forums now in order to help other men?

They won't get any better unless men put the effort in.

I think people forget that mumsnet is a female founded site. I have been here for over twenty years and it was one of the few places women could ask for second opinions on medical, law and educational matters, when women were definitely not afforded their rights on a regular basis. It attracted and continues to attract professional, educated women who can offer advice. It may not be so accessible to women in crisis if the name was changed to familynet or anygender net. Mumsnet know their engagement will go down if they change the name, look and feel of the site. Naively some believe they are joining a forum based on support for women. That can be the case but not always.

I suddenly became a single parent. On the one hand I could spend several years trying to build up a website aimed at fathers and from whom I could eventually gain some advice. All the time I would have at the back of my mind the thought that, clearly, a number of people had tried to do exactly that and failed.

On the other hand I could join a website that, while the majority of its users are women, advertises itself as being "For parents, by parents". A site that already has a strong, opinionated and vibrant userbase, and one whose owners have repeatedly said that men can join. And unlike Netmums, Mumsnet allows swearing while also banning glitter and tickers (yay!)

I didn't know any other single fathers IRL. 20 years later I still don't. There were vanishingly few I could find on the Internet and those I could didn't match my experiences. Many of the parent friends I had withdrew massively when my ex and I split up (but not all - those few who stuck around are goddamn heroes in my eyes) so there were few people I could ask in person and none of whom were dealing with what I was dealing with. My children had experienced a number of cataclysmically vast upheavals in their lives and we desperately needed advice. I needed advice. I couldn't find anywhere better to get that advice from than mumsnet and I'm incredibly grateful for the people who offered it.

I'd like to think I've given enough advice about co-parenting with an alcoholic, dealing with social services, and coping with the death of your co-parent etc to balance out what I've taken from here but who knows?

Even my xh, who was basically a cocklodger and not overall great, would've respected the fact this is clearly one of the rare (only?) female-dominated websites and stayed away.

I kind of don't mind good men being on here but slightly selfishly it's just so valuable to me that it's mainly female.

I think people forget that mumsnet is a female founded site.
Bet365 was founded by a woman. Should men not go there?

It would be really nice to be able to discuss sex and issues relating to sex without the male heavy presence there. In the main most users of this site (which are women) don't post there because the moment you do some overly horny bloke is hiding in the grass to wank to it.
Women can't have anything to ourselves.

That's a bit of a daft comparison. People using a betting site aren't going to be there asking for advice about their children/wife/partner/husband/relationship, are they?

That lady is making her millions out of poverty and misery for many families. Not a feminist hero to me!

*I think people forget that mumsnet is a female founded site.
Bet365 was founded by a woman. Should men not go there?
That's a bit of a daft comparison. People using a betting site aren't going to be there asking for advice about their children/wife/partner/husband/relationship, are they?

Not really. This site is not just about relationships and sex. People are just focusing on those topics. It's like saying Asda only sell veg when we all know there is so much more there.

It's a double standard. One minute it's 'fuck off to dadsnet' the next it's 'calling PigletJohn'

I think people forget that mumsnet is a female founded site.
Bet365 was founded by a woman. Should men not go there?
That lady is making her millions out of poverty and misery for many families
Not a feminist hero to me!

Not a hero to me either but a buisness owner making money same as the founders of MN.
MN isnt here for altruistic reasons, it's a money making buisness. I think people forget that.

So what's stopping you now?

There have been enough of these threads over the years where many women have said they feel uncomfortable with men being here for many traumatic and heartbreaking reasons.

Surely you're beyond the years of needing emotional labour from women if its been 20 years, so you can easily put the time and effort into making things easier for men.

Interesting that you have no desire to do that and help men in the position you were in when there's an easy solution of being in a predominantly female space that was built by woman (otherwise known as the strong, opinionated and vibrant user base, because its one of the only woman centred spaces on the internet).

@notacooldad have you read any of the gambling stories on munsnet? How many, many men take their wages on a Friday and use bet365 to deprive their families of an income and secruity of a home and food on the table.

Mumsnet may not be a nfp but it provides advice for desparate women who often have nowhere to turn. Bet365 creates those desparate families, bet aware my arse!

Well thank God men sought out a parenting site to dish out gardening advice to the ladies. How would we cope without them.

have you read any of the gambling stories on munsnet? How many, many men take their wages on a Friday and use bet365 to deprive their families of an income and secruity of a home and food on the table.
Mumsnet may not be a nfp but it provides advice for desparate women who often have nowhere to turn. Bet365 creates those desparate families, bet aware my arse!,
Bloody hell cool your jets!
I've no interest in gambling its a mugs game.

The fact that no headway has been made in 20 years only further proves my point.

So a man like @HowardTJMoon , in a difficult or worrying situation has to sit and wait until he, single handedly, has made a shitty men's forum decent, before he gets an answer to his questions on how to parent with an alcoholic and guide his children through their mothers death?

I can't believe that you read his posts and then responded in the way you did. What on earth is wrong with you? Have you had an empathy bypass?

ETA that I see he's made that point while I was typing.

Maybe they like the discussions on MN? And why shouldn't they be able to join in? Sometimes it's good to have another perspective.

Well he said it was 20 years ago. Surely that's enough time for decent men to make some progress towards supporting other decent men? If not, why not?

So there you have it, a man telling me to 'cool my jets'.
8.04 pm a record I think.

Just because I've got a Y-chromosome doesn't mean I can force other owners of Y-chromosomes to contribute to parenting forums. It sucks that many other fathers don't see parenting as something that they've got a huge amount of interest in but I can't change that viewpoint overnight. We do, after all, live in a patriarchal society that has decreed that child-rearing is primarily a woman's job.

Back in the late 2000s when I joined here there are two big UK-oriented parenting websites; netmums and mumsnet. I tried netmums but the tickers/glitter/huns/etc made my teeth itch. Mumsnet users reminded me of the kind of people I like to have as friends - smart, funny, willing to call a spade a fucking spade when needed but who are also supportive when the shit's really hit the fan. That's why I'm here.