Today, I man-spread on the train.

[Trainarmrestfairy]

When a man sat next to me on the train and tried to manoeuvre my arm out the way, off the middle arm rest, so he could rest his there, I pushed back.

I’ve never ever put my arm on the middle arm rest between seats on a train before - I just take the one on the edge (either by the aisle or window).

But, today I fought back. Today I won. Ten years (excluding Covid) of men shoving their arm into my body and their legs onto my floor space, and today I fought back.

Incredibly petty, I know. But God it felt good. Not sure if that’s because of the surprised gasp the man gave or because of the power. Who knows? A victory to all women who have ever been squashed against the window of a train because a man felt it necessary to take up 1.5 seats!

This has just happened to me! I was approaching an open doorway just slightly ahead of a man coming the other way. I kept going. He literally gasped out loud in surprise when I didn't stop and looked totally bewildered. He did stop and was very nice but clearly didn't expect me to not have meekly let him through first.

@NewHeaven

That's a bit cosy for a complete stranger at a theatre. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, even dh doesn't sit that close up to me mainly because dcat won't allow him! 😀
If it's anything like the old theatres in London, the seats are teeny tiny and there is no leg room. Even my short little 5'3" legs barely fit. You end up very familiar with whoever sits next to you

I get it when the encroachment of man spreading affects me but to actually make myself uncomfortable to make a point is a bit too much cutting off your nose to spite your face for me.

My reply is nothing to do with the gender of the person or the gender of the dogs.
Heres a reply with gender to help you understand my point-
You (gender not stated) might be ok with stepping into the road to let a dog/dogs walk by but I (female) hold my dog (actually a male dog) to give the person/people of any gender the space to use the pavement to walk past me and my dogs. This is politeness. IMHO a person of any gender has priority over a dog of any gender. People should be able to walk on the pavement without having to give way to a dog.

Oh yes Patriarchy chicken, once you start it's hard to stop.

I saw something similar on Bloomsbury Way, where the traffic rushes down from Oxford Street to beat the lights. There was a long gap, allowing pedestrians to cross on a green light, but a cyclist seemed intent on pushing his way through. As her turned to give a mouthful to a lady challenging him, he ploughed into the side of a black cab and broke his wrist.

Even for some men that is not enough. The man who shoved that lady out into the road on a London bridge - she nearly got hit by a bus - was never caught.

I do patriarchy chicken ever since a man walked deliberately into me on a wide street and purposely hit me full on my shoulder. It was witnessed by two people who asked if I was ok. Shoulder pain lasted for 12 months and has finally gone after much physio.

Have manspread on planes and trains.

However I loved the young man who recently offered me his seat on the tube. He was with his family and I thanked him but declined. I was getting off at the next stop.

Your focus is on the 3 dogs which you believe need to make way. Mine is on the needs of the person trying to control 3 dogs (of any size), or 3 kids, and treating them with compassion. We will forever disagree as the focus is different.

The person of any gender can stand to the side with their dogs of any gender allowing the pedestrian of any gender to pass by safely. Simple. That’s politeness. Same for a person of any gender with kids of any gender. Allow the pedestrian of any gender to pass by. If the person of any gender has a pram/pushchair, wheelchair then you of unknown gender can step aside to let the convoy past. Simple.

Thing is, OP, you weren't even manspreading, just maintaining your own space, not invading his.

I recently flew Premium Economy and loved it because the sides of the seats were solid, so no spreading possible.

I didn't know it was called Patriarchy Chicken (thanks, PPs,) but I play it often, to the chagrin of DH who is avoidant and usually trailing in my wake at the time. I'm not particularly tall so when oncoming men look straight over my head pretending they can't see me, I have even been known to raise my arms, hands together and elbows outwards.

That should say "DH, who is conflict-avoidant"

You clearly have far superior ninja skills when managing 3 dogs, or 3 children, than I do.

Hey buddy, if my arm was there first, it's my arm rest.

Well done you

That’s from having a big family. Politeness to others from the start. I wouldn’t walk taking up the whole pavement with my dog and expect people to jump aside. For the kids - letting others by and being respectful to those walking or moving slower. Basic skills.

I was on a plane once and the man in the seat next to me had his arm on the r3t in between us and his elbow was poking into my seat area and on me, and his knee was wide and touching my leg. I asked him to get out of my space and he got really angry. I had to get the are steward person to speak to him

I politely give way for man, woman or child dependent on space and circumstance and vice versa. I have never noticed a man "ploughing" towards me. I don't give passing people by that much thought though. I certainly don't think like many on here seem to be thinking,"Oh, here's a nasty man heading this way, i must make him move out of my way at all costs". As i don't give it much thought, I'm sure the majority of men don't. Plus, hard for some to hear i know but there are rude men - and rude women too. Shocker.

Meh. If you go out with 3 dogs you need to be able to control them. I am not stepping into a road for a bloody dog.

I hope there is a Dadsnet' post somewhere, where loads of men are discussing how fun it is to not move out of a woman's way when walking in the street. Or how emboldening it is to push a woman's handbag over a tiny bit so he gets to spread his legs on the tube!! 😄 🤣 don't get me wrong, I believe in feminism etc but this post is utter nuts. Have we all just decided that we are going to be rude and passive aggressive just because we can? This isnt feminism, this is stupid. Patriarchy chicken?!? I was brought up to move out of the way if someone is oncoming, not make a point of making them move. What's the point?! This world is absolutely exasperating.

I don’t think they’ll see any need to discuss it - it’s in their DNA. Males have pushed themselves into spaces they don’t own since time immemorial.

Exactly this. We are talking about reclaiming our fair share of space not taking more than it

I was in London recently and noticed as I walked around that when DH and I waited politely to let someone past on the stairs or the pavement, not a single person said thank you. Not one. No one smiled, nodded, caught our eye, opened their mouth to say thank you. This was men, women, young people and children.

We stopped being polite pretty quickly.

Yep. I do this. The reaction is either anger or incredulity!

I asked a man to move his leg out of my space on the tube recently. His friends all laughed at him and he moved. It felt great.

Most staircases can handle people passing in both directions. The problem is on stairs is that some people wait and expect to be thanked when there is room for both parties to comfortably pass.

I accept this is not every case, but it does happen quite a lot. Some people imagine they are larger than they actually are.

I did it in the Tesco garage yesterday. There wasn’t room for two to pass and I just kept going and let him walk into me.

He walked into my bag though which had a laptop in it. If only he hadn’t walked into it to so hard. Think he really hurt himself 😂