Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

In 16 years of being a parent to 3 kids and attending hundreds of parties not once has one ever been held in a persons house... thats such a 'mumsnet' thing to come out with.

Actually its EXACTLY the opposite, which means when we do get the odd time we use it to spend it together.

How often do you see dads taking their kids to these things? I think when you say why both do parents go, most people are really thinking why didn't the mum just go on their own.

Your child has never been invited to a party in a friend’s house? Ever? Weird.

I find this question and some of the comments about the shock of families doing shopping together really odd.
I’m British, but have lived abroad for over twenty years, lots of people in the uk have such different views on kids and families.
Where I am, it’s not at all unusual or frowned upon for families to shop together or attend parties together, it’s the norm and is a nice thing

DH and I tend to spend all weekend together with the dcs. It's our leisure time and we enjoy each other's company, snd enjoy having fun with the dcs and watching them have fun, so we spend as much time as we can with each other.

We do all grocery shopping online so we don't spend time in supermarkets at all.

I work pt hours so I spend the dcs school time getting chores and errands done so they are out of the way at weekends. So our free time as a family is all fun stuff - some weekend classes for the dcs, day trips, visits to London attractions, parks and soft play.

Birthdays, we enjoyed going to all together when DC1 was younger and DC2 was a baby. It was lovely watching her enjoy herself and nice to chat with other parents. Now DC1 is older and has more drop-off parties, so DH and I take her and then we both spend time with DC2 nearby.

Luckily we've never needed to take any of our family to A&E. For scheduled appointments, they are usually on a weekday when DH is at work so I do most of them, though when he was on paternity leave he would come to all the baby's appointments.

We tend to go to all school events for parents as a couple (parent's evening, sports days, assemblies, plays), as we both like to see DCs perform and it makes them happy to see both our faces in the audience. DC2 is in a different nursery now to DC1's school so I take her and DH takes DC1 to school. When they both go to the same school we will do the school run together in the mornings, as it's convenient for work, and allows us to spend a bit of time watching/interacting with the other kids and parents. But I will do pickups on my own as DH works later.

The worst instance of this is when you have whole families of 5/6 in the supermarkets shopping together, even worse when it's a busy day. I can't understand why one parent doesn't just stay at home with the kids and one parent shop in peace and leave more room for other shoppers. I've always done things alone such as playing dates, kids birthday parties etc, I don't see any need to drag along dh when I'm a fully competent grown up that can manage things on my own.

This entire thread is ridiculous. People have different priorities and choose to spend their time differently for a whole host of different reasons.

Use your imagination. It's really not that difficult.

Why imagine people's motivations instead of asking, as OP has done? You're more likely to get it right if you ask, surely.

As others have said, sometimes it's logistics - only one drives but in that case, I'd expect them to drop the other one off.
I have sometimes roped DH into meeting DC's friends' parents, for the simple reason that if we're inviting the friends over/running them to places, then it's useful for the parents to know who we both are in case at some point only one of us is around later.

If we both go to party/soft play/house, we can split the parenting vs socialising nicely. And we have a lot of couple friends.

I just had friends round, and the fact that the dad came meant that the toddlers could toddle with one person and at least two people got to sit and chat at any given point.

We don't do supermarket runs together etc, but at social occasions it's nice to be able to take turns sitting. And I hope single parents benefit from the increased child to adult ratio too.

To be social? Also safety in numbers. Our kids are liabilities

@BitchinTwinset I think what PP means, is to try and presume there's a good reason for it, regardless of how it looks.

I do try my best to do this and remember that people's lives are often busy & complex. I regularly remind myself that there's likely a reason behind why for eg: the entire X family are all piling into M&S or Waitrose. Why both parents are attending a soft play party or that the kid in DD's class whose mother is never at drop off or pick up only ever the father, despite knowing he's married to the child's mother etc (became clear later that she's a nurse who works nights).

I will say though, the 3 kids going to the kitchen showroom this afternoon, that I mentioned above, still got me

online Grocery shopping will blow your mind.

That's fair. If the question is borne of genuine curiousity. There seemed to me though a subtext of "people who do this are odd".

We are only a family of 3, but we do go grocery shopping together. Both DH and I cook and we both like picking groceries. Our DC enjoys doing everyday stuff with us. We are both very capable of doing it alone but why should we? Sometimes we get a coffee afterwards too.

If you dislike grocery shopping so much do it online or go late at night?

Because they want to? Because they are so in love they can't bear to be apart?

Or maybe they just aren't as capable as you as a parent?

Is that what you want to hear?

Tiredalwaystired · Today 17:44

SunshinePlease24 · Today 14:48
I don't understand why it bothers people that much that we all go to the supermarket etc ... what skin is it off their nose like?
I don't want my supermarket shop to take an extra 25 minutes because I can't get near the shelves or to open the chiller doors due to big families getting in my way. Unless there are specific circumstances where one adult needs the other to be physically present then it just creates crowding.
I want in and out, not waiting extra minutes to get a space near the shelf I need while two grown adults reason with a tantruming toddler. And if one parent doesn't drive, the other can surely wait in the car or take said toddlers for a quick drive.
It's really annoying.

online Grocery shopping will blow your mind.

@Tiredalwaystired

I don't want to online shop though. I want to be able to see what I'm buying, grab items with long use by dates etc. Unfortunately it's difficult to do that when the Waltons (showing my age) are clogging up the aisles.

Go in, get what you need and leave again creating space for others.

No because parties are held at party venues like halls, sport centers, soft plays etc... Its utterly insane to try and host a gaggle of hyped up kids your a house.

They have been to playdates but a play date is not a party its usually 2 or 3 kids and parents don't tag along.

My ex was a bit like this- he always wanted us to go everywhere together with DD whereas I thought it would've been better to split them and one of us get a bit of childfree time.

I also don't understand why whole two parent families go shopping. Very odd.

I went to a petshop during lockdown and a family I vaguely know were all there - mum, dad, and 4 tween/teen kids with their puppy! I'm sure someone will be along to say there was probably a really good reason why all 6 of them had to go!

'Making memories'???

At another kid's birthday party??

Well they're not exactly going to be making memories in Tesco are they?

Because they're apart most of the week with work and commitments so want to spend time together at the weekends! What a strange question.

Yes, it's fascinating.

I got divorced 20 years ago and am continually surprised that couples go EVERYWHERE together - appointments, social events, parties. How can they always be equally invested and interested in the same topics or people???