Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

My husband works evenings and weekends a lot so say he needed to leave the house at 4.30 for work on a Saturday and kid had a birthday party 2-4 (that both kids could attend, so either village hall types where sibling invitation had been extended or soft play and pay one in) we would probs both go and try and spend that time together to catch up. Not so much of an issue now as kids are both older so less birthday parties but for awhile every bloody weekend was birthday parties (and not drop and run). Kids are 2 years a part and honestly for a good 3-4 years the amount of parties was insane. It was a rare chance to have a conversation with each other with less chance of getting interrupted because kids were entertained

If was bothered to the extent of not going to the supermarket, she'd already be not going to the supermarket, wouldn't she?

Sure I could say the same about wamda and Mary who are stood in front of the yogurts yacking about all the latest gossip. Or bev who forgot her glasses and spends ten minutes trying to read what the heck she's buying 🙄
There are annoyances everywhere in life.

We always go together if possible. We like spending time together as a family, we both want to see kids enjoying themselves, we both want to build relationships with people involved in their lives. Both our dads were absent when we were kids, for different reasons, and we both noticed and felt they weren’t interested. So we make sure we’re both there when possible.

Me and DH don't do it and personally I find it odd but it could logistical, the child has significant ASN needs and it's easier to have 2 parents there, they want to spend time together or one of the partners is controlling.

To be honest we do this to keep my 11mo entertained during the window 4-5ish when it’s getting dark but too early for dinner… he loves riding in the trolley 😂

It's annoying. Family groups clogging up the supermarket aisles because they've decided the weekly shop is a team activity is a pain in the arse. I love my DH but I'm perfectly capable of spending time away from him and not crumbling.

Would you really voluntarily book to go to something like this at such a tough time for everyone though?

I don't understand why it bothers people that much that we all go to the supermarket etc ... what skin is it off their nose like?

Several families of 4 instead of just one person doing the shopping makes a supermarket a lot more crowded and busy.

Why not shop online instead?

None of what you describe is related to couples shopping together. It’s all about people shopping with children who aren’t being parented well - and that’s at least as likely from a solo parent shopping with kids.

Whatever the motivations it does demonstrate that they have a hell of a lot of free time on their hands!

We tend to do a lot of stuff separately ie food shop, football training etc and most birthday parties.
However I’ve dragged my DH to a party in the last couple of weeks because I didn’t really know the other parents and they all had their little group, so rather than sitting there on my lonesome after making some initial small talk, he came along because a 2-3 hour party with small people isn’t always that much fun when you’ve not got someone to chat to.

DH and I liked to spend our free time with each other and our LO - so when our LO was invited to events on the weekends we’d both go.

I was in a car park today having just been in a shop. A family pulled up next to me and both parents & 3 kids got out and went into the kitchen showroom... 🤯

This reminds me of a friend I had at primary school. Her Grandfather would drive her to school and pick her up again after school.

But it wouldn’t be just those two in the car. The Grandmother would also be in the car, along with my friend’s mother.

This was years ago, but I don’t understand why they would do this every single day!

I like looking at toddlers in the grocery store. I don’t expect the world to be emptied of people for my benefit.

DH and I often do morning school run together, just for the walk really. Parties are a hellscape so generally one of us stays at home, same with shopping.

We're a bit like it. My parents were/are the same, but more so if anything. Dh's parents never did anything together but they didn't really like eachother 🤣 I'm not saying this as a generalisation, it's just literally how it was.

For us it's a mix of logistics/convenience. With parties, we both want to see our son enjoy himself and can take turns getting to know the parents and support Ds if needed, as he has some additional needs. With school runs, mostly I drop him and DH picks him up but if it works out we're both able to do it because of how work shifts fall, we will because Ds loves it, especially pick ups. We don't usually all go shopping together, unless we know it will be quiet.

We just enjoy spending time together, there's not really more to it. It's like why couples do the food shop together, it's just more fun.

because they are utterly boring and drive you to the brink of disassociation.

Its not 'fun with the kids' they are off playing elsewhere and with the very little free time we have in our day between interacting with our kids, life chores and work etc... If I have a spare hour or two sat with nothing to do want someone to talk to comfortably (urgo DH who is my best friend and chosen person to spend time with) not strained and awkward polite conversation with strangers (that frankly feels like a forced team building excersize and is completely socially draining) I have literally nothing in common with except having push a child out with in the same school year.

If I had wanted 'mam' friends I would have deliberately sought that out but I don't and so haven't.

Almost everyone brings a partner or even their parent if they can find someone free to kids parties here, its certainly the norm. The couple that don't tend to be the small 'playground group' ones that are 'mam friends' (which is fine, I glad others do find comfort in being a 'mam group' its just not for many of us which is also fine. No one benefits from forced uncomfortable interactions).

Perhaps they don't get much time to spend as a family, so when they can, they do?

I don't think it's particularly odd that people want to spend time with their spouses and children, personally.

Weekends are short and they feel like they don’t see enough of each other or their child. So watching child at a birthday party for example is a family memory to make together. Or maybe they want to meet more local parents because sometimes work can be quite isolating?

We don’t typically do this but sometimes we do. I would say at DC’s parties at least 50% of kids come with both parents.

Sorry, when you are having a party in your home for your child and they invite a kid from school and the whole family arrive. That is beyond rude.

Because they think they benefit more from going together than they do from one person getting some time to do jobs/be by themselves.

Well you are not going to single handled pick out a kitchen for a family home without your partner seeing are you. Maybe they don't have a slough of free childcare and aren't free during school hours to go shopping.