Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

This is the most bizarre question I've ever heard!

It's the opposite here - when we meet only one parent for a playdate on a weekend, I am wondering when they are spending time together as a family (considering that both parents work full time).

Usually kids socialise on one of the weekend days and do extra-curriculum on another. When are we supposed to spend time together as a family???

We are that couple that like to do things together as a family...sorry if that annoys or offends anyone! Sometimes we're unable to, but if we can, then we will! Obviously we wouldn't go to a party and take siblings if it wasn't allowed...but if it says on the invite 'siblings welcome' then why wouldn't we want to enjoy as a family together? And were definitely not alone in this!

The majority of you will be pleased to know that we have our food shop delivered, so don't go to the supermarket. But if we did, then so what?!

And yes, we do have our own interests and friends etc...we're not 'weirdos' as some have suggested. We just want to spend as much time together as we can!

One more example as a friend who has admitted this to me once. She gets overwhelmed with parenting so she prefers her DH to be there and everywhere where he does the parenting.

So with bday parties she mingles with the other parents whilst the kid runs riot and DH is on helicopter duty. And on the plane the DH takes care of the kid whilst she watches shows on her iPad sipping her Prosecco. She used to say she was like Christina Yang from Greys Anatomy and she never really wanted kids and her DH wanted them with the promise that he would do most of the parenting.

Probably because most people barely see each other during the week and don’t want to end up spending half the weekends separate too

I’m married but DH works away alot, from my own observations people get used to their arrangements. I have friends who dread and actively avoid taking their two DC out alone or spending the entire day alone with them. I think when you’re on your own with them it’s just needs must and you either sink or swim.

I asked my DH to take our two for a haircut. He told me it’s a two man job, “like swimming lessons” which pissed me right off because I’ve done swimming lessons alone since day dot - the oldest one waited with toys and a pack up by the side of the pool (in sight and the pool was raised so he couldn’t get into it) from 3 years of age whilst I swam with his brother. It was a pain in the arse but we got on with it!

I do enjoy browsing the supermarket in peace. I also have better things to do. Which is why we alternate the shopping so only one of us has to go

A&E is the one that annoys me, little Damien with a 'broken arm' running riot over the chairs in A&E while Mum, Dad and 2 other older kids were staring at their phones taking up 2 seats each having their feet up on them. Later joined by Granny and Grandad.

This was during the worst of Covid, honestly think they were treating it as a day out. Meanwhile DH and I* were waiting to find out if MIL was going to survive the night after being blue lighted in.

(* Covering off smart arsed comments - DH went in the Ambulance, I went via car so I could bring him home again).

I sometimes wonder if they're these families we read about on MN, it takes two adults to bathe a baby, go for a shop, neither can 'cope' on their own, everything is 'family time'
Being a parent doesn't mean you lose your identity, one parent can go to a party, a shop the other can have time to do something else be it for themself or a chore.
Also, kids parties are bloody boring why have two suffer it.

I used to do most things by myself when kids were young because DH is self employed and worked long hours during the week and did DIY at weekends.
A few times he took a week-day off and once took DS to a swimming lesson, but sat in the car for the duration because he didn't want to sit by the pool, and then "forgot" what time the lesson finished and DS was waiting for him for 10 min with no towel!

I didn't take them supermarket shopping, if i could help it though. Shopping with toddlers or DH takes at least twice as long and is annoying!

Spot on. The dads are 98% of the time dragged to events or on shopping trips. The mother is insecure and 1) wants to present themselves as a "family unit" and doesn't want people to think she's a single mother, plus to ward off other women with her and the kids' presence (even though the dad isn't exactly anything special), and 2) To stop him straying/to monitor him

The only person you should marry is someone you could walk down the street with, chatting about nothing, and enjoy it.

We often 'hang out' doing stuff. We get time alone and plenty of time at work.

I did love the "just genuinely curious why would anyone not enjoy a children's party" hahahahahaha.

Or, as unbelievable as it sounds, we like each other's company? Codependency, convenience and force are not the only reasons a family would want to be together.

What a low bar for both women and men! Are you married? 🤯 My DH prioritises time with us because his family are the best part of his life and he loves to be with us. I’ve also never worried about straying - someone who’s going to cheat will find a way no matter how much you try to monitor them. Maybe you need higher expectations? I expect a husband and father to actively and willingly engage with family life to the same level as a woman, so I married one who does.

you sound proper boring

Yes, let's also ban little old ladies with walking sticks or actually anyone with a walking aid. They are SO SLOW. And teenagers who shuffle and gather up in groups. And disabled people who takes ages to get stuff in their trolley. Poor people who count small change at tills, God SO inefficient

Only young, able-bodied and quick people please, cause kids don't need to learn about shops or chores or real life.

The judgement and entitlement here is wild. Just let people do their thing. I love taking my kid shopping cause how are they expected to learn life skills otherwise? And my dh is there cause i can't carry it all on my own. And he's the one who cooks anyway, I just rummage around the biscuit section.

Me and my DP are this couple 🤣 we just enjoy being together. We have been together 7 years and are best friends. Neither of us would want it any other way.
I do the food shop alone however or get it delivered.
we both have joint friends and our own friends we see separately

It did, which it why I said it may be logistics... but actually the answers have been really interesting!
Also the notion of "dads being dragged to things' as if the mum is the default parent that should take kids to parties!

Yes, let's also ban little old ladies with walking sticks or actually anyone with a walking aid. They are SO SLOW. And teenagers who shuffle and gather up in groups. And disabled people who takes ages to get stuff in their trolley. Poor people who count small change at tills, God SO inefficient
Only young, able-bodied and quick people please, cause kids don't need to learn about shops or chores or real life.
The judgement and entitlement here is wild. Just let people do their thing. I love taking my kid shopping cause how are they expected to learn life skills otherwise? And my dh is there cause i can't carry it all on my own. And he's the one who cooks anyway, I just rummage around the biscuit section.

No, all the others you mentioned can take all the time they need. I have all the patience in the world if someone genuinely needs time. Ditto a lone adult with children in tow.

The entire families on the other hand (where there's not an actual need for two adults and multiple kids being present) who just want to be together 'making memories' while getting in everyone's way in a very busy supermarket I have no patience for.

Sorry, not sorry.

I have a different idea of passive aggression, but if that was it for you then fair enough. Apologies! It possibly was, but unintentionally. I was mostly genuinely curious and related it back to my own experience of enjoying seeing my child out in the wild, making mistakes and (hopefully) having fun. Thought it was a bit sad that those things didn't outweigh the task of having to make small talk with other parents.

I have a friend who says soft play is her idea of hell. The only time I find soft play hell is if my child doesn't have a friend to play with. When he does, I feel like I'm at the aquarium or something. I love getting to watch him like a fly on the wall. I feel like I miss a lot of his life while I'm at work.

If I found the small talk was a chore, I'd actually just take my partner so I could talk to him mostly instead.

Agreed

Worst place is a supermarket

Just why

I live on a school run road. Every morning I see a couple walking along linking hands as they walk their children to school.
It’s nice they can both do it.

Because he has better social skills than me and by being around him I can appear more normal 😂. I’m also autistic and my partner generally helps me feel more calm. I don’t need to be around him all the time and go everywhere with him, but in unfamiliar situations it really helps.

I would presume because going by thinking these days if a man went anywhere with children yes even their own there are people who would think something word was going on

Which would mean people would only feel safe if it was a woman and children so then women have to not have time to do anything else as they would have to be with their kids all the time

So women complain men never help out with the kids yes when men do they are labelled as potential child abusers

And now when men and women do things all together people wonder why this happens?

So why does it really matter to anyone else if men and women both do things with their kids? Is there an actual problem it causes? Is it jealousy? What is the issue?

We are that family. I guess we just enjoy it. Parenting with the other parent is usually more fun for us than solo parenting.