Why in some families do both parents go everywhere?

[Hanzel44]

I’m a single mum so genuinely curious why do some families both parents have to go everywhere? Obviously family days/trips/shopping etc is normal but I mean like a school friends birthday party or play date.

They like each other

Me and my husband are guilty of this. And sometimes it does annoy me even though we’re the ones doing it haha! Sometimes I think god id rather do this on my own. We both come from broken homes, so I feel there’s a sense of overcompensating and wanting to be present for every fart that goes to the wind. Although I did fancy some time to myself and signed them up for a Sunday football class a month ago, to go together so I can get some stuff done and be alone, but turns out it’s genuinely a tag team job with a feral toddler 😂 so both at that now too!

Because can't get to the chicken nuggets due to a 4 year old in an Elsa costume (long past her bedtime) is having a tantrum in the middle of the frozen aisle while her parents dither about trying to gentle parent her older brother who appears to be licking the freezer doors.

I agree!

supermarket shops are the worst! They just take up so much space! The kids are often miserable too, why not just 1 parent stay at home/take to park/do anything

The supermarket shop is an important social event? Come off it!

Maybe because it’s the only time they have to spend together. If they work all week and barely see the kids and then the weekend is taken up with parties and play dates then when do they actually get to spend any time with the kids/as a family?

We don’t unless both boys are invited to the same party and then we will usually both go as it’s easier to man on man mark them especially at busy soft plays parties on a weekend afternoon as they’re still young enough that we either need to go with them or need to keep an eye on them…probably once they’re older it will become a 1 parent job.

Because they don't see much if each other during the week, so would spend even less time.

Co-dependent
Going somewhere together before or after so it's just convenient
Mother has demanded father spend more time together as a family

I'll need to sit an read the thread properly as I'm curious about this too. Although DH is all about 'efficiency' and giving one another breaks, which I like to an extent but sometimes I find just having his back up more relaxing and it's not a break from everyone I want. But agreed about the shops - I don't get it. DH doesn't cook though and I suppose if he did I might enjoy debating what to get etc. Birthday parties I really don't get. Especially the ones who don't know us but bring the whole family including uninvited siblings. I just assume they have social anxiety and feel they need the support as I think it's quite rude, can't get why they'd do that otherwise.

No real reason, we just like each others company.

We have neighbours just like this.........if she goes to the hairdressers/has her nails done, he goes with her. They do the shopping together, take the car for a service together, do tip runs together! Personally, I would find it suffocating! I often wonder if they go for a s**t together.

We are that family. My only answer is that it doesn't actually occur to us to do anything other than all of us going together. We love spending time together.

We don’t often do birthday parties together because we have three kids so someone has to look after the other 2. But we did go together last weekend because it was the first one DS had been to in a while and he get so socially nervous that it can take a lot of energy to keep him happy to take part. We decided to get a family member to look after the other 2 so that we could go together and “double team” him.

Occasionally we go to the supermarket together if we both need bits and just find it easier to go rather than explain to the other person exactly what we want. The kids generally behave in the supermarket so it isn’t stressful to take them.

But the best general response I can give you OP is that we 1. enjoy each others company and 2. we find it easier to parent all 3 kids between us.

I don’t know either. We do a lot of things separately in order to have time alone. I love spending time with my child but I enjoy the bit of me time that I get and so does my husband . I don’t really notice couples doing this much though to be honest I’ve never seen 2 parents at a birthday party. We went to one together recently but that’s only because the parents of the child are mutual friends of ours.

I think it's one thing deciding you'd rather divide and conquer but when it gets ti judging or even being angry at other people for taking up space in public places you need to chill out a bit.

I find this completely baffling. Some of the parents at my DCs school both do the school run. Who has time for that?! Maybe as a one off but this is regularly. Everyone including siblings rocking up at parties.

I wonder if it’s the same people who post saying they never have time to themselves.

If you are against them, don't invite them. Your own events are the only events you can control for couples who love being together

I don’t drive my husband used to drive us to the party, so stayed to!
some dads actually like to see their children enjoying themselves so they like to be involved with their children!

Because in a lot of households dividing the stuff would mean mum does her bit, but when it came to dad's turn he'd 'not know anyone' 'feel uncomfortable' 'can't really sit with some random woman in her kitchen on a playdate' 'can't manage two of them' and so on. A system that assumes these things will be done by both together at least splits the chore in the moment, useful if there's more than one child.

Enjoying each other’s company and sharing as much time as possible. We do most things together, and I wouldn’t change it.
Maybe not every birthday party though, as I like to chat to friends and catch up. It depends. Mostly if we can do something as a couple we will 9/10 and do the housework etc together as well - works for us.

We sometimes go together as my DD has Cerebral Palsy so if it's a trampoline park/soft play it can be too much for one parent.
However saying that if there is no obvious reason then it does baffle me. If I could I'd take turns as it would be nice to have a couple of hours too myself...I plan to do this when my DS hits party age.

I have two friends like this plus they work from home with their hubbies. I would find it suffocating co-dependent relationship. Each to their own but not my cup of tea!

It can be cultural too. When South Asians or Africans host a kids party we cater to excess for parents too and so it isn't a big deal if both parents and kids (and grandparents lol) turn up. In fact some South Asian parents will explicity invite both parents / siblings but may do it selectively.

I'm lucky if I get a coffee at the English kids parties we've been to & back in Sweden it was quite commonplace for parents not to get even water lol.

Unless you’re both friends with the host or it’s a party designed for parents as well, then both turning up to a child’s birthday party if you can avoid it is a bit inconsiderate. There’s rarely enough room and it’s not what the host will be expecting. But it’s not particularly heinous.

Otherwise, complaining that a couple likes to do things together sounds a bit like you have no idea why people couple up at all! They probably like spending time together. I wish DH and I had done more together when the kids were little. Instead our relationship took a back seat and that wasn’t good for us. We prioritised having one parent solo so the other could have time for themself and while that’s important too, it would have been better for us to do a little less of that and a little more spending time together.

Order online then if you are so bothered by people in a supermarket.