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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
JustMyView13 · 05/02/2025 14:25

I’d go anyway, and I’d tell him you’re not spoiling the trip for the rest of the family because he’s incapable of appropriate behaviour in an exam. He can face the consequences of his actions from the school when he’s back.
Plus whatever you deem fit as home punishment.

notquiteruralbliss · 05/02/2025 14:27

I'd simply inform the school he won't make the detention as (per your earlier communication) you will be away. And yes remind him not to do that in an actual exam.

MzHz · 05/02/2025 14:28

Needmorelego · 05/02/2025 13:09

Tell the school he cannot do the detention that Saturday but he will do TWO Saturday detentions afterwards plus write a letter of apology.
Many students may not be able to do Saturday detentions for various reasons so while the punishment needs to happen sometimes things may have to be re arrange in advance.

This is what I’d suggest

plus see this post @lechatnoir

“I’ve worked in a secondary school for years. Just go on the trip. Call the school, apologise for his behaviour and explain the situation, say he will do the detention another Saturday but you won’t be here this week. Make it clear you don’t approve of his behaviour and will be explaining to him the consequences of doing this in a real exam (it would be better he wrote nothing than did that!).”

show the school that your appalled (which is true) and tell them that you’re 100% behind them, but that you’re leaving the country and won’t be able to produce him for the detention this week, but next week for sure and offer 2x detentions

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
MzHz · 05/02/2025 14:29

Oh and make it clear to the school that you’re going to have serious words with ds about this and as he’s put a dampener on your birthday celebrations you’re extremely pissed off with him and will be making this very clear to him, with your own home sanctions

Menapausemum1974 · 05/02/2025 14:32

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 05/02/2025 14:15

Who cares. Some poor teacher has had to look at that, regardless of his motives.

Show quote history

@andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead " some poor teacher" ? do you honestly believe they will have life long scars or something? They work with kids i'm sure they will be able to cope fine with this horror they have been subjected to!

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 14:34

NewToAllThisStuff · 05/02/2025 14:19

what did they have to look at? Sorry I did try and find the words that were written but couldnt see them posted

Show quote history

OP has been very coy about this.

For a Saturday detention it will have been bad.

I presume OP is also chill with her son sending his peers obscene and abusive messages.

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2025 14:34

My mum would make me stay home with a family member and attend the detention. missing the family trip ad saturday detention, plus no devices during the time will be enough no to do it again.

Londonmummy66 · 05/02/2025 14:34

@lechatnoir there was a thread last summer (possibly on the secondary education board) from a frantic mother whose daughter had done something like this in an actual GCSE and was facing investigation from the exam board. It would be worth finding that thread and showing it to your son so that he can see the seriousness of his actions if it happened in the real thing. There were a number of exams officers who gave advice on the thread about the hoops the daughter would need to jump through. IIRC it wasn't necessarily that one subject that was potentially at stake but all her subjects with that exam board. Someone also posted the "tarrif" of consequences for malpractice.

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:35

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 14:34

OP has been very coy about this.

For a Saturday detention it will have been bad.

I presume OP is also chill with her son sending his peers obscene and abusive messages.

Show quote history

You presume?

If OP was all chill I don’t think she would have asked here, do you?

bofski14 · 05/02/2025 14:37

Saturday detention?! Just another way to condition young people to do overtime for free when it comes to their working lives. School is during school hours and let them punish as they see fit IN school hours. Outside of that, your son is on your time. The school cannot dictate how you spend your weekends just as you cannot dictate that you'd quite like him to turn up on a Saturday for extra tuition. Yes your son made a bad choice, but get to the bottom of that and focus on enjoying your holiday. He must be under enormous pressure. Have some solidarity with your son. The school are massively overstepping here.

RachelLikesTea · 05/02/2025 14:38

A Saturday detention? Is this normal? I just don't see how you could have anticipated that a Saturday detention could be given. Not something I have ever heard of. There is no way that I would miss the holiday. Just contact the school and tell them you are away and the detention has to be rescheduled.

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:39

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2025 14:34

My mum would make me stay home with a family member and attend the detention. missing the family trip ad saturday detention, plus no devices during the time will be enough no to do it again.

Well, hopefully you will know better than your mum then.

Earwiggoearwiggoearwiggo · 05/02/2025 14:40

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:35

You presume?

If OP was all chill I don’t think she would have asked here, do you?

Show quote history

I think she's very not chill about potentially having to cancel a skiing holiday! And wants strangers to tell her she doesn't have to.

I suspect what the kid wrote was sufficiently bad that she doesn't want to quote it, as it might make fewer people agree with her. Again, yes, I am presuming.

DragonFly98 · 05/02/2025 14:42

RachelLikesTea · 05/02/2025 14:38

A Saturday detention? Is this normal? I just don't see how you could have anticipated that a Saturday detention could be given. Not something I have ever heard of. There is no way that I would miss the holiday. Just contact the school and tell them you are away and the detention has to be rescheduled.

It will be on the schools behaviour policy like this Third offence:

  • Saturday Detention, phone confiscated for an extended period.
L0bstersLass · 05/02/2025 14:42

I wouldn't be taking him on holiday.
Is there a friend or a relative that can have him until Monday evening? They could drop him into school on Thursday and Friday and also for his Saturday detention.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 05/02/2025 14:43

He needs to realise what he's done isn't acceptable but I don't think missing a holiday is necessary. I don't really agree with taking kids out of school but you've already decided to do that. The Saturday detention is irrelevant, that can be done on a week day. What kind of school is he at? Do they really expect parents to change plans to accommodate weekend detentions? That would be a firm no for me.

Glorybox2025 · 05/02/2025 14:45

There is no way I'd cancel a family holiday for a detention but I would be very sure he got the detention rolled over to the next week.

Anothermathstutor · 05/02/2025 14:45

honestly don’t worry OP. Punish him when you’re back but also try reason with him here. He’s 16 and should know better. The issue with defacing the paper is that they can literally fail ALL your exams with that board as it is against the terms and conditions, imagine wasting away your life like that trying to be smart or big? He needs a lesson. I doubt punishment will teach much at this age.

Shitgift · 05/02/2025 14:47

Is he a boarder?

SlightlyJaded · 05/02/2025 14:48

You don't all need to be punished for his stupidity
And leaving him home would be stressful for you, so not fair.

Therefore only sensible option is to postpone consequences - both school and home - for one weekend. Be clear that the postponement is due to very VERY mitigating circs and frankly, because you are not prepared for everyone else to miss out because of him.

Let school know basic facts.
This weekend not an option, but any other weekend of their choosing has your full support and that you are also happy to come in with him to discuss the seriousness of what he did. Also tell them that you are horrified and there will be consequences at home (and make sure there are).

That really is the most logical solution.

abouttogetlynched · 05/02/2025 14:48

I know not everyone would do this but I couldn’t bring myself to take him after he’s done that. He needs a punishment not a reward. I understand your predicament, but I couldn’t bring myself to take him. I wouldn’t enjoy myself with him there, acting like it’s all forgotten about. Is there a family member he can stay with while the rest of you go? He needs to realise there are consequences to his actions.

beAsensible1 · 05/02/2025 14:48

i don't think a child should be getting a skiing holiday after doing something bad enough to get a saturday detention and in proper gcses potentially void your exams.

madness.

MotionIntheOcean · 05/02/2025 14:49

MzHz · 05/02/2025 14:28

This is what I’d suggest

plus see this post @lechatnoir

“I’ve worked in a secondary school for years. Just go on the trip. Call the school, apologise for his behaviour and explain the situation, say he will do the detention another Saturday but you won’t be here this week. Make it clear you don’t approve of his behaviour and will be explaining to him the consequences of doing this in a real exam (it would be better he wrote nothing than did that!).”

show the school that your appalled (which is true) and tell them that you’re 100% behind them, but that you’re leaving the country and won’t be able to produce him for the detention this week, but next week for sure and offer 2x detentions

Show quote history

Agree.

Obviously you're not going to put a Saturday detention before your 50th celebration. Read him the riot act, go as planned, they can have him when you get back.

FruitPolos · 05/02/2025 14:51

He's 16 and did something stupid. I don't know anyone who hasn't done something stupid at that age.

It's not the end of the world and certainly not worth cancelling a holiday abroad over.

Relax. Go on the trip. Tell school he won't be there on Saturday due to your prior commitment but you would support a detention the following weekend (I find the idea of weekend detentions bloody ludicrous but that's a whole other issue).

Reiterate the possibility of serious consequences if he does something similar in a real exam.

Ignore the hyperbole on here. Mumsnet is full of it. In the real world most people would go without a care in the world.

user2848502016 · 05/02/2025 14:52

Call the school and say you're very sorry and know your DSs behaviour had been unacceptable but you're away this weekend for a "family event" so can he please do the detention after school or on another Saturday?

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