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Original poster

WWYD - son due to go on holiday tomorrow (inc. 2 days off school) but has been given saturday detention

329 replies

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

OP posts:
Dearnurse · 05/02/2025 14:09

Also to the lynching committee he's a teenagers they do stupid things, doesnt mean hes now condemned for life if he misses a Saturday's detention. she does have a choice just because her child wrote something terrible it doesn't mean it should ruin his families holiday, she does have a choice,she is the parent. Don't send him until he's back.. my children go to private school they love a Saturday detention my daughter isn't the best with remembering to finish homework (ADHD) she has missed one before due to other commitments.. Guess what no one died 🤪

Moresettingsplease · 05/02/2025 14:10

mumonthehill · 05/02/2025 12:55

Look email the school and say you are away on a family trip that cannot be cancelled. That you are aware of the seriousness of what has happened and after next Tuesday you will support any consequences as the see fit. That you will also be having a serious talk with him and there will be consequences at home. He has been stupid but it was not the real exam and hopefully he will learn a lesson. Make it clear to him in other circumstances you would be cancelling the trip.

Good post

MissyB1 · 05/02/2025 14:10

eremition · 05/02/2025 13:47

Why on earth would he?

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Because he doesn't deserve a treat after how he has behaved?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

16 year olds Families General education
WearyAuldWumman · 05/02/2025 14:10

Tiswa · 05/02/2025 14:08

If it is the school the school can handle it internally - when I did exams someone did just that on the desk and the remaining exams was moved to sit right at the very front facing a wall

an exam paper goes to the exam board and therefore goes under their rules of malpractice

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Absolutely - which is why schools normally come down really hard on this when it happens during the mocks.

Jesusisking23 · 05/02/2025 14:12

Take him and let him enjoy it as it was pre arranged. Teenagers do shitty things, even more so when they are under pressure of exams. The teenage years are horrible.

use it as a talking point about what would happen if he did this in his real exams and use it as an opportunity to have an open conversation.

being strict and taking things away is only going to make him feel like everyone is against him. You will get much further being on his side in his eyes and talking to him like an adult when he’s in the wrong.

Strictlymad · 05/02/2025 14:12

eremition · 05/02/2025 13:47

Why on earth would he?

Show quote history

Because he doesn’t deserve a holiday, but is a shame if mum and dad have to miss out too. The family off having a jolly while he does grandmas garden might teach him a lesson

Spirallingdownwards · 05/02/2025 14:12

I woukd explain you are away this weekend (dont mention his birthday just the 50th) and let them know that you understand the importance of seeing consequence of his actions through and he is free any other week they require for him to do the Saturday detention.

eremition · 05/02/2025 14:12

MissyB1 · 05/02/2025 14:10

Because he doesn't deserve a treat after how he has behaved?

Show quote history

Or OP could simply talk to her own child and find out what he was actually thinking. Family time might be what he actually needs right now. Not more resentment.

Turnups · 05/02/2025 14:13

I think I would phone the school, speak to his tutor/head of year and tell them about your birthday celebration and being lent the chalet this weekend. Don't mention it was intended as a birthday celebration for him too - 16 isn’t particularly special and all the others in his year will have had/be having a 16th birthday at some point this year without taking time off school. Say you had thought he wouldn't be missing anything important because of others still doing exams.

Say you are appalled and disgusted by his behaviour, will be punishing him yourself and support the school in their punishment but are asking if it can be postponed until the following Saturday. Then think about how you can punish him - maybe no birthday celebration just for him.

Jesusisking23 · 05/02/2025 14:14

Dearnurse · 05/02/2025 14:09

Also to the lynching committee he's a teenagers they do stupid things, doesnt mean hes now condemned for life if he misses a Saturday's detention. she does have a choice just because her child wrote something terrible it doesn't mean it should ruin his families holiday, she does have a choice,she is the parent. Don't send him until he's back.. my children go to private school they love a Saturday detention my daughter isn't the best with remembering to finish homework (ADHD) she has missed one before due to other commitments.. Guess what no one died 🤪

This 👏
everyone on this post must have children that are miserable and punished to standard that would put the victorians to shame 🤣 god help their teens if that’s what they are dealing with.

you can have boundaries and deal with bad behaviour without being an awful parent

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 05/02/2025 14:15

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 05/02/2025 12:54

Has he explained why he did it?

Who cares. Some poor teacher has had to look at that, regardless of his motives.

Hopelesscase32 · 05/02/2025 14:16

There is absolutely no way I would be entertaining a Saturday detention. Go off on your holiday

Imnoonesfool · 05/02/2025 14:16

I Would just let the school know you are away for the weekend and ask them to rearrange. I appreciate from looking at the general consensus of responses though that I’m in the minority.

allow the school to punish him as they see fit, he doesn’t need double punishing at home as well. I’m sure at his age he is able to take the consequences of his actions on the chin. And delaying the detention to another day is not going to affect that.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 05/02/2025 14:17

Cosycover · 05/02/2025 13:24

Saturday detention? I've never heard of this.

Regardless of what my child done I'd never send them to a Saturday detention.

Apparently it’s an alternative to suspension which doesn’t involve the pupil missing school. Means it’s serious. A teacher will have to give up a Saturday to supervise.

AxolotlEars · 05/02/2025 14:17

Go away. Schools are generally power mad. Tell them he's not available.

StrongandNorthern · 05/02/2025 14:18

ZippyHiker · 05/02/2025 13:29

The OP has confirmed it is a state grammar school.

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Sorry. Yes.

NewToAllThisStuff · 05/02/2025 14:19

andyouwillknowusbythetrailofdead · 05/02/2025 14:15

Who cares. Some poor teacher has had to look at that, regardless of his motives.

Show quote history

what did they have to look at? Sorry I did try and find the words that were written but couldnt see them posted

Lozzq · 05/02/2025 14:19

i don’t think your whole family should suffer because of his bad behaviour. I would give him an absolute bollocking, make him write a letter to the teacher to apologise and say to him that you would have chosen to cancel the holiday but it’s not right that everyone else suffers. Give him some extra chores to do but then go an enjoy the holiday.

MintTwirl · 05/02/2025 14:22

Enjoy your break away, talk to your son about what he did and ask why, explain how it can cause issues if he were to do similar on an actual exam. Job done,
I don’t actually agree with weekend detentions anyway. Weekends are for downtime, sports, hobbies etc.

Pigwodgeon · 05/02/2025 14:22

Of course you go and take him on your holiday! He can have his detention later. A whole family does not have to suffer and change plans for one person's poor choices.

Also whilst on holiday, you can have a stern talk with him and give him a boring chore he has to do be responsible for as a consequence for his behaviour. Hang everyone's wet ski gear at the end of each day or whatever it might be. One mistake requires one consequence. He is still young, and he has time to correct his behaviour.

XiCi · 05/02/2025 14:22

Well obviously you tell the school you have a trip abroad booked this weekend for your 50th but that he will be able to attend detention any other time that suits them.

HopelessHouseMaid · 05/02/2025 14:22

Yes he has done something stupid but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t also worked out extremely hard. Let there be a consequence for the exam paper but let him go and enjoy his holiday. I would be furious if I was in your position.

mcmooberry · 05/02/2025 14:23

My son is in same year and WIWD would be to still all go and try and not let it spoil the weekend (after going stark raving bonkers with him when he came home from school that is) and support the school in doing the Saturday detention after half term and sort out an apology from him asap if it's as rude and awful as you say. In my case would also cut the internet for a period of time which would be the ultimate punishment.

Loub1987 · 05/02/2025 14:24

Take him, collective punishment of the whole family isn’t fair. Make him stay indoors doing school work on holiday for the time his sententious would have been.

Teenagers do silly things, it’s not like he attacked someone.

JudgeJ · 05/02/2025 14:25

lechatnoir · 05/02/2025 12:27

So we were due to take a long weekend holiday with our DC this weekend in part to celebrate a joint big birthday (DS 16 and my 50th) but also as a treat for DS working hard revising for his mock gcse which have just finished (lots of students still doing exams which is why we felt he wouldn't be missing too much). There was one optional subject he's really struggled with but school wouldn't let him drop. I was disappointed they wouldn't just let him drop it but OK with him drawing a line on that subject as he has 9 others and it was an option and accepting he'd fail one but use the time to focus on the other subjects.

However, I've just had an email from school saying he has been given a saturday detention & will face 'further consequences to be determined' for defacing one of his papers with disrespectful & obscene language (I've seen it and it's awful). There will clearly be consequences at home but of course in the immediate he's due to go on holiday which is hardly a punishment! It feels so wrong to still treat him with a holiday not to mention we had planned on telling school we were taking him away so they will no doubt be furious too given this incident.

I'm not cancelling the whole trip but can't leave him home alone & that would be massive to leave a child behind and miss a family holiday!

WWYD?

It may be worth telling him that if the person marking his real exams sees seriously offensive comments, drawings etc. on his exam it can be reported to the Board with potential consequences. Many pupils in frustration will make comments, draw things, make a penis out of any diagram and as a marker my thoughts are usually 'You time wasting idiot' but if it goes too far then I would report it.