School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

What do you think happens with the children when you get home? They need looking after.

As a working parent I’ve had years of eye-rolling and comments, teasing etc about doing school runs, asking to start late and work through lunch for an assembly, picking up sick children, staying off for sick children and so on. So I get quite reluctant to mention these things even now. I just block it off in my diary as a private appointment but fortunately I am now down to two school runs a week.

Isn’t there a saying: you need to work as you don’t have children, and parent as if you don’t go out to work.

I can always be available for whatever time they want the meeting, I am very lucky there is someone available to pick up the kids if I can't.

But then your first reaction to a proposed meeting at 3pm on a Monday was to say that you couldn’t do that time?

I’d have nipped this one in the bud with a “jokey” (not a joke comment) along the lines of “Oh I bet you say that to all the girls” delivered with a big smile but absolutely getting the point across that he’s made a gendered assumption and needs to be careful.

We have a male colleague who basically turns down any meeting that clashes with the school run, even when he's in the office he leaves early to pick up his kids and then WFH the rest of the day.
I do the school run on my WFH days but I have a contingency that if I have a meeting, I can arrange for dc to be lifted, I find his set up frustrating and unprofessional to be honest as it really restricts when we can meet especially with customers and consultants.
Before COVID how were these children picked up when most of us were in the office?
It's one thing doing the run on days when you don't have a meeting, but meetings shouldn't have to be held to ransom around school runs, yes of you're free do it, if you're not free then you need alternatives.

I do the same, and to be honest, even if my boss is aware and fine with it, it still is awkward to have to leave at 3pm when people want to have calls. Even if you know you will log back on 45min later.

The lunch break think is a bit hypocritical because 1) most people take a shorter break than that, 2) people don’t expect availability between 12-2 so it is not disturbing work interactions, 3) even if you say you will take your lunch break at 3pm, you still need some time
to get something to eat at midday (even if eating in front of the computer).

As I say, I do it as well. But I recognise that it is 100% to my benefit and not ideal for my colleagues / my company.

“i take a late lunch on Mondays. I can make a meeting at 1pm if you like.”

Amazing to have a job where you tell senior management when you are available for meetings. What the f have I been doing wrong all my life?

Why does everything these days have to have an ulterior motive? Yes , probably unprofessional to bring the school run up. But , all this ' oh he wouldn't have said it if it were a man' (not quoting you op),. FFS , how do people know he wouldn't have done! Maybe he was highlighting the reason, so people wouldn't question it. People are offended by everything these days. Its ridiculous .
Edited : this is not particularly directed at you OP.

I guess I would then ask who is looking after your children once you leave work to pick them up, are they old enough to look after themselves. I don’t feel it’s an odd comment for someone to make. Our company is flexible eg you can use your lunch hour like this but also expects flexibility back so if I was needed for a 3pm meeting I would accommodate, your employer is not responsible for your childcare arrangements,

It feels off because it was off. I cannot believe the amount of posters who genuinely don’t see this.

It was an inappropriate comment to make. You have agreed something between you and your manager and it’s not up to another man to wade in and try and ‘catch you out’. He did it because you are a woman. I would be absolutely amazed if he’s asked Dave from accounts if the reason he couldn’t make the 3pm meeting was because of a school run.

As for being honest that it was as a school run, I completely understand the reluctance. Because all it does is fuel this type of behaviour from men like this - it’s confirmation bias to them and it breeds an unpleasant workplace culture.

That said, I think you need to be the change you want to do in this respect. With have a women CEO at our company and although her children are a bit older, when they were younger (and she was in a senior, but slightly more junior position) she always made her boundaries clear. When she needed to be with her children for whatever reason she said so and that has trickled down.

So if something last this comes up again, simply say ‘yes. I am available at 4pm’. Don’t feel the need to get pulled into justifying yourself nor apologising, just be matter of a fact and move on.

Surely you just reply, that's my agreed working pattern, no meetings because i take my lunch break between 3.15 and 3.45.

If this is agreed then get it in writing.

However, does depend on the business. Lots and lots of companies have meetings between 3 and 4 which means that this sort of flexibility wouldn't be possible

Our office has put in core hours to avoid problems like this but as the OPs hasn't I guess it's not a problem in her workplace.

If you, someone who wasn’t my manager, starting quizzing my on my childcare (and in a meeting in front of several other men), I would absolutely report you to HR.

@PuppyMonkey
I can re arrange if they need me to obviously I will have to if they tell me to.

This won't be a one off meeting this is a meeting that may or may not happen every week.

I'm not bothered about that or rearranging my time really it's a pita but it is what it is.

He offered a few times, I said any of those are great for me me, just not 3.He said that sounds like a school run.

I have an arrangement that's been in place for a long time I don't want to change it. Others have their own arrangements for flexi time and times and we make it work.

From reading this I think Trump might be right (something I never thought I’d say!). How old are your children? You say it’s 45 minutes max a day to do both runs but what do you do when you all get home? Do you have someone else to mind them whilst you can go straight back to work with full attention? When I bring mine back home, there’s always drinks/snacks to sort out, big chats on what happened that day, homework to sort out/supervise, fights to break up. There is no way I could work properly so in theory one might actually be clocking off at 3pm. I can kind of see why employers might be funny about school run breaks as it’s probably not just the time to do the physical run but all the extra stuff involved too.

Meanwhile presumably all the men in the meeting are child free or more likely, benefiting from similar reasonable flexibility from their wives/partners employers.
Women carry the bulk of the responsibility for children, and taking a later lunch to facilitate this is hardly a hardship for an employer. Particularly as her boss has approved it already.

Would they have said it to a man? I would say a little gentle education is needed rather than full on outrage.
"Oh yes, John, it IS the school run! I have arrangements in place enabling me to fulfil all my work commitments and also collect my children from school. I'm sure they'd be able to arrange for men to do that as well!".

We are all in and out of face to face meetings or teams meetings for about 50% of our day.

I think it's a bit weird to be coy about it if it's permitted. I mark the school run in my calendar and I say to colleagues "I am in until 2:45pm then have to dash for the school run".

It lets others know that it's a regular thing, any meetings before must finish on time, and I can't usually avoid it unless I can ask DH to cover.

Maybe he was just being friendly. Maybe he was trying to check if it could be move. Who knows 🤷‍♀️

OP, I would ignore this comment, some people are just sad wankers I'm afraid. I think you done the right thing by not apologising/ explaining yourself. However, I would try to avoid this situation in the future - this guy voicing it could be a sign that people are talking behind your back about it. Office politics are awful.

Well he was correct wasn't he, if someone else had also mentioned i can't do 3 either there's nothing to indicate he wouldn't have commented on that also.

My flexi agreements are not really anyone else's business on that call. There were a few people on it.

I mean unless they're stupid they'll know if you're never available at 3 on certain days why let's be real. If your boss is fine with it (bizarre to agree to someone having lunch that late and then agree to them looking after their child for a portion of the day but up to them) then why worry? Even if it's mentioned there won't be an issue if they're aware and it's all agreed- id only worry if it wasn't.

I'm back in meetings or teams calls by half three.
They can see I am online.

My children are old enough to sort themselves out for a couple of hours after school.

I suspect few men do it, but there's nothing in the interaction to suggest he wouldn't have also said it to a man is there.

As this has been going on for years, and presumably OPs manager is happy with her work in that time, it works and no harm to the organisation.

I used to use afterschool care, it was £10 a day. It really adds up over a month. A 9 or 10 year old can sit alone till you finish work.