School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

Why would you have an issue with saying "yes, imy kids need a lift home from school sometimes so I can't regulalry committ to this ttime".

I dare the person who asks to make an issue of it because you can always say, I have an official flexible working arrangement to enable me to do this.

I’ve seen it to.

Do you feel being singled out as a woman in this scenario? I.e.if one of your make colleagues suggested to move the meeting to 3.30 it wpuld have been accepted without unnecessary school-run comment?

I think you are probably worrying and over sensitive about it. We don't know if he would have said the same comment to a man. He might have, so gender is irrelevant. Just forget it.

Of course it's relevant. That's why so many people have asked whether Op is doing the school run and whether she has permission.

I agree with mentioning it to your boss.

It was a meeting with only one woman and a more senior male made a comment which could be interpreted as implying that the only woman in that meeting is not working her hours as required.

Depending on what kind of workplace you are in, that comment could be regarded as a “micro-aggression”, particularly with the power imbalance involved, and the lack of gender balance in the meeting.

However in some workplaces, you might be seen as over-sensitive for raising it, and you’d need to be careful about doing so.

Have a chat with your boss.

I suppose the issue is possibly the way he said it, as well as the fact that he said it in front of everyone at the meeting - all of whom were male. It highlights her role as a mother, rather than as a co-worker, which is inappropriate in the context of a work meeting. He shouldn't have said it, especially given that OP has permission to do school runs. I get why op might feel strange about this.

I wish I had read your post before I posted mine because you are far more articulate about this than I was. Well said.

I would have said “yes it’s a school run which is an approved temporary absence” and just own it unapologetically.

The reason it felt off is because it wasn’t that long ago when parents were not allowed to have flexible working and could not do school runs at all. The most senior person is probably adjusting to this culture change where it is now allowed but there is a faint whiff of stigma attached to it.

Being open and “yeah it’s the school run!” Is the only way to drag these dinosaurs into the present.

It was a meeting with only one woman and a more senior male made a comment which could be interpreted as implying that the only woman in that meeting is not working her hours as required.

That only applies if other (male) participants also said they can't do the meeting (or on a different occasion) at that time (or another time) and OP was the only one pulled up on it/had that assumption made.

It would annoy me too. I highly suspect he wouldn't have said that to a man.

I would have felt the same way as you OP.
As pp have said best way is to own it and say I have a flexible working arrangement agreed and this is when I take my break.

I get why you are overthinking and he almost certainly wouldn't have had it to a male colleague.
Bottom line is you have a flexible working arrangement agreed by your manager and it's no one else's business

However as an aside the legal requirements are once you work 6 hours you need at least a 20 minute break, staff at my workplace have been pulled up on this, so if you start work BEFORE 9am legally you should have a 20 minute break as well.
Of course depends on how hot your employers are on it.

I agree.

I work with three men who do one or other of the school runs.

I think it depends on tone. If said with a smile, it could just have been a friendly social comment. Senior people can interact as fellow human beings too. Maybe they have school runs sometimes too, or used to, so they recognised the signs. So I'd just smile and say 'yes, I flex my lunch break'.

If said in accusatory tones it wasn't appropriate as that's between you and your manager.

Well that's you problem, isn't it? My DC can look after themselves for 2.5 hours without bothering me, they know I have to work. But then again, they come home by themselves, too so I dont have to go on the school run. Unless your kids are toddlers/ very little, its really weird that you have to hover over them/ be on call every minute of the day. Sounds exhausting!!

I think either forget it and move on. It’s nothing to do with this other person.

or do the 3pm meeting and arrange a mum to drop your kids home that day for you?

personally I would have nipped it in the bud/ shot him down at that moment… “yes, it is a school run, it’s pre agreed with management and takes me 25 mins” and then moved firmly on.

I think newer ways of working and at home flexibility can be good, but only if people taking advantage of them don’t feel guilty about, know their worth and put people, who aren’t used to these new ways, straight.

Always bizarre attitudes on MN from some people with these things. Instead of recognising how great it is with many employers now that they do allow some flexibility for people to do school runs, allowing what is mostly women to work FT rather than PT, we instead have posters with the old fashioned views of making women feel guilty for it!

Yes it was out of order for him to say that. its none of his business that youre going to do a school run and you dont need to confirm it in front of loads of people present at the meeting. I would have emailed him in private to say that you do school runs when you need to.

I think posting on here should have helped you to process this and that you can now let it go, but make a note of it for yourself in writing (date, what was said etc) just in case he says something like this again.

I was on a call where my CFO signed half a billion deal on his iphone while doing school drop off. Businesses do not exist in isolation. Humans have kids and I would have absolutely no issues accommodating my team members’ family commitments. If your business doesn’t then you need to vote with your feet.

Not so much over-sensitive, but definitely over-thinking it.

If you've got permission to be out at 3 to do the school run, and someone asks, why not just tell them the truth? No need to be all "I can neither confirm nor deny."
If you've got permission, then just own it.

In our organisation flexible working patterns must be approved and registered with HR. The request would be made and line manager indicate if they support it or not before a decision is made. Staff are expected to be on duty during their stated working hours. Lunch breaks must be taken during a specified lunch period but not at a specific time. The Working Time Directive states that a minimum 20 minutes break must be taken after six hours of work. This is why lunch breaks cannot be skipped in favour of going home early or taken at any time in the day. So this is the fair and reasonable reason you need to have a formal agreement, your line manager may not be authorised to make the decision. For example if you start at 8.30 your break must start before 2.30. It may be the person querying it is wondering if your company policies have been applied correctly.

Lots! Join a union, learn about all your rights and entitlements and start enforcing them, changing careers to one that respects you if needed.

Unless your salary is sufficient for a stay-at-home nanny without causing any upset to your lifestyle, they’re hugely underpaying you to be available 24/7, so stop undervaluing yourself!

“Sounds like the school run!”

“Yes, is that a problem?” and some prolonged eye contact that will probably make his willy shrivel back up. I couldn’t be arsed with the dick swinging from him and pussy footing from you. Take up your space in the room.

Probably not as sounds like they could all attend so why ask