School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

@gocompare I’d just be blunt and say ‘ehere have you been the last 5 years, that’s why I take my lunch at that time on X days a week’. If it helps, block your breaks out on your calendar.

You should have said you have a clash and could it be an hour earlier. Make it less obvious it’s about school pick up.

Whether you are "massively overthinking" depends a bit on what exactly you're thinking.

To make a comment like that in front of a room of men and not make it clearly approving - Sounds like a school run to me, I remember them well! - is a bit of a negative. Even if it sounded approving, it's still an assumption and not ideal. There is still a lot of negativity attached to women's caring responsibilities in work environments that often spills over into discrimination. If it's one of a lot of little similar things then it's probably worth taking note of it in case you need to build a case at a later stage.

However, it's probably not worth getting bothered about if it's the only negative thing that's happened in this context in the years you've worked there.

You are overthinking this. It is for a school run, he was right. If it's agreed I don't see the issue with the comment.

I agree OP it was an unnecessary comment and I would be surprised if it wasn't in conjunction with an eye roll, he was being a prick.

Potentially sexist remark as it assumes, as a woman, you are unavailable at 3pm due to having childcare responsibilities but there’s no proof the same comment wouldn’t have been made to one of the men who were in the meeting. If you subsequently go on to be treated differently by this individual compared to a male colleague, you might want to consider whether you’ll do anything about it.
Regardless of the fact it’s true, you are doing the school run, why not simply ask something like “are you able to move your 3pm commitment to facilitate a meeting as it’s the only time we’re all available” or similar. The comment sounds like an accusation rather than an attempt to understand why you’re not available so I can appreciate why it doesn’t sit well and you’re reflecting on it.

Well yeah, it is pretty good to be seen by your managers as a responsible, trustworthy, whole and multifaceted person, rather than someone to be at their beck and call. Somewhat stating the obvious…?

I would have said: yes school run. Could we make the meeting 2pm or 4pm?

Of course you can work around school run

Im lucky to have a flexible job too. Sometimes iI work in the evening whilst my child eats dinner or has a bath or watches TV

They don't need close supervision after the age of 5

Part of having a fairer more balanced society might be to actually acknowledge children fucking exist, that they need picking up safely from school. All the people on here being so po faced about “important” meetings need to give your heads a wobble.
The OP picks them up then is back at work 25 mins later. Not such a big deal is it? I’d understand the outrage at looking after young children at home all day when trying to hold down a job. This is Not. The. Same. Thing

It's nobody else's business what you are doing at 3pm (particularly if you have an aarrangement).
When organising work diaries, women far too often proffer reasons/excuses for not being to able to do stuff; attend a meeting for example. Men just say 'no, can't do that date/time'. No excuse, nobody asks for a reason.
Keep your attitude!

If you are close to your boss, I would ask hm to give that pr... a serious ticking off.

True.

First school run on here that takes me than 5 minutes.

People claim they pick up, rush back, log straight back in & back on work mode.

No kids late coming out, traffic always perfect, no chats, snacks, meals etc.

Just back in and child fends for themselves quietly for hours.

Logging on isn't necessarily working.

Did it nit sit well because it was a man ?

It was inappropriate. All he needed to know was you weren’t available at that time. I get why you feel uneasy. Maybe you’re thinking would he have just assumed another work priority if a male colleague had said they were unavailable? Also, depending on your work culture, could imply you are less committed/professional than the male colleagues. I think in an all male context you can’t help feeling maybe this was a dig. But it could also have an “I remember what that was like” comment. Clearly you will never really know. I would have said something back though like “Very astute - do you remember those days/have to juggle your time too?”or “Yes - only another x years until they can walk home alone” (If I thought maybe innocent remark). If I thought they were having a pop “Yes - don’t/didn’t you do the same, or does/did your wife do all the school runs for you?”

But don’t explain yourself.

About as “unofficial” and “informal” as pretty much all the tasks, targets and priorities she has, since they’ll be agreed with her manager too.

I think you're being over sensitive to it. I flex my time too and go out for school runs everyday, I even block myself out for that slot. You should have smiled and said yep,it is the school run. He didn't mean it in a bad way. I don't think so anyway.

I think it’s a case of the thinkys, maybe that’s the issue here, challenging your thoughts - nothing to worry about.

Perhaps he was just acknowledging the juggle- If you are a thinky , it’s helpful to think about an opposite more positive way to look at it.
Facts are you’ve had no issues for five years, everyone knows you flex.

If it comes up again roll your eyes and say yes , -
mum life - sadly - unless you would like to do it for me 🤓.

Why don't you formalise the arrangement as a flexible working request (as is your entitlement)? Assuming your employer and you can reach agreement about how the arrangement will work, (whiich sounds like is already agreed but would be formalised) you can confidently respond to an enquiry from a colleague who is just wondering why you are leaving early. If you feel uncomfortable in a public setting, just state that you'll explain later after the meeting to clarify and not justify. Your manager will have already agreed it with you and therefore you have no need to justify it to others but an enquiry isn't unreasonable.

Perhaps it was something in the tone? Honestly if it's not sitting well with you something is off. You could be sensitive but that doesn't mean you are wrong. Sometimes I do a 5 whys to get to why I feel off. Basically drill down ask yourself why literally 5 times. At least then you know why you feel off. but I Imagine it's the all fellas vibe and the question appeared misogynistic or sexist. You can only deal with it a couple of ways, be direct in your response "yes Jim it is the school run, is that a problem for you?" And react to the response, leave the Company because the culture doesn't work for you, complain to HR because you realise they have a sexism problem or decide yes this time it's sensitivity caused by your own insecurities/people pleasing/fear of confrontation, decide how you want to deal with that and move on.

Why should she when employees at her place of work are entitled to an hour break during the day? All she is doing is using the same 1 hour break everyone is entitled to.

"Why should she when employees at her place of work are entitled to an hour break during the day? "
Because she is very likely not working according to contractual hours; it's common to state in an employment contract that employees are entitled to a one hour lunch break to be taken between 12-2pm or something similar. The Working Time regs are clear about the need to take breaks after periods of work, particularly so in manual labour jobs for safety reasons. No guarantee that it does say this in this case, but is very usual to have a similar clause in the employment contract. As a result, she may not be acting strictly in accordance with her contract and is flexibly taking her lunch break at another time with her manager's knowledge no doubt. That's great when everybody plays by the same rules but it only takes one or two employees to push their luck a bit or for someone to query this arrangement and it can possibly become problematic. Having said that, if we treat and expect employees to act like adults, it should work but unfortunately it doesn't always pan out like that - hence the need to have some kind of order about employees coming and going flexibly so that the practice is understood across the organisation.
Additionally The Working Time Directive states that employees should take a 20-minute break after working six hours so if this person is deferring her lunch break until later in the afternoon and not after 6 hours of working , she is technically in breach.
There is a trend these days for employees to work anywhere anytime but even that can be problematic if the worker decides to work in another country and carry out their work there as this can have tax implications. Ditto if employees who are based at their place of work start working unstructured hours it can often come back and bite the organisation. I know this all sounds very formal but the crux of the matter is unless you have some kind of structure and agreement about how, when and where work is carried out and breaks are taken, the outcome usually comes out in the wash somewhere down the line and everybody wishes it had been dealt with properly in the first place.

Maybe he's jealous, I am! I have to pay for childcare and sometimes it's frustrating when you're trying to arrange a meeting.

Yes, but it means that the 3pm lunchbreak was probably agreed on the basis of there not being anything specific that had to be done at 3pm. It doesn't mean it holds even when there is a 3pm meeting that suits everyone else. It's the difference between your manager letting you start early and leave early sometimes and having those earlier hours in your contract. The first type of arrangement doesn't necessarily hold all the time.

Jealousy is an appalling reason to publicly comment on a colleague in a way that might reinforce prejudices against women in the workplace.

It's not just 'a trend' though. Many many companies have actively decided to put into place a flexible working policy/family friendly policy. I keep a close eye on job ads and, without exception, these are advertised as a benefit of working for the company. But you have to put your money where your mouth is. It is bigger all use to say that, agree how it will look for individuals and then renege on it because it means moving a meeting 30 mins in on direction or another.

There will of course be some in a company who don't agree with that policy, but it isn't their call to withdraw it. They can make pointed remarks in meetings but if they keep doing so, doubtless they will (rightly) be told to stop.

Where does the idea it was the only time everyone else could meet come from? Have I missed one of OP’s posts?

The scenario OP laid out sounded like they were giving their general availability so they could find a mutually convenient time, not that OP was blocking the only possible meeting time.

But also, depending on the company a manager might hold fast to personal agreements with people they manage in order to ensure they stay. Contractual agreements are things you could enforce in court but a good employer can be more flexible than that in order to ensure staff are happy and productive, to keep good staff and lower turnover. Something being agreed with your manager rather than written into your contract doesn’t mean you are unreasonable to act on that agreement unless told otherwise.