School run comments in work

[gocompare]

In a meeting last month I said I wasn't available for Monday meetings at 3:00. I could do any other time before or after.

The most senior person in the meeting said "that sounds like a school run" I didn't really confirm or deny what it was.

It was said in a meeting full of men I was the only female if it makes a difference and I just feel off about it and I can't work out why but I don't think he should of said it.

Am I just being over sensitive as I have form for this.

Who looks after your children for the rest of the afternoon OP? Could they not do the school run? Or do you finish work at 3pm?

Then it's fine. Probably just making conversation. Though I guess it depends if you think he'd say the same to a bloke

Next time, clap back with: no it’s a late lunch and an appointment.

Or better still say - actually I have my smear test. I guarantee that comment will never come up again.

I don’t understand why you were being coy? You are permitted to do this, just say, yes I’m doing g the school run. The more this is normalised in your company then the better it is for everyone surely? It sounds a great benefit and should be advertised more widely.

I always wonder. When people on here say they are unavailable at 3pm for the school run do you drop your kids home and go back to work or work from home and log back on with the kids doing their own thing?

I must admit this flex drives me crazy. It means that you can’t have a meeting at lunchtime, what with it being lunchtime, but you can’t have a meeting at 9am or 3pm because people are now using those times to pick up kids (incidentally, who is looking after the kids once they are home?).

It’s a bit snarky of them to ask like that but depends if you’re up for challenging the culture in your workplace.

My Wednesdays are a bit weird at the moment because I’ve had to flex my working hours to take DS to a club after school. DH used to do it but had to stop. So I work 8-2.30, pick up from school at 3, become “available” again (sitting in my car or cafe on my phone) 3.45-4.45, then finish proper work off from 7.30-9.30. It’s crap but I am clear about where I am and what I’m doing.

That's fine I can always be available for whatever time they want the meeting, I am very lucky there is someone available to pick up the kids if I can't.

It was just the way he said it and the way he said it in front of everyone.

I don't know why but I just didn't like it. It just felt off and I can't put my finger on why that's all.

I massively overthink about things that don't even need thinking about tbh.

I bet he wouldn't have asked A man the same question about 3pm unavailability.

That said, I can see the frustration if you are trying to arrange a meeting and the various school run times and "traditional" tired lunch breaks make it tricky. But you are allowed your break at 3pm. So you aren't doing anything wrong.

You feel off about it because you’re correctly identifying that he’s mentioned it in a “catching you out” kind of way. (Unless it was said in a solidarity “we’ve all been there” type way but I’m guessing not from how you describe it here).

I really do think the best way to deal with it is to be very clear and open about it - “yes absolutely. I’m available for meetings and work over the middle of the day to accommodate flexibility as agreed”. I might be tempted to drop him an email or speak with him, and say “yes it’s a school run, I’m working within our flexible arrangements here and my boss is in full agreement.” Or get my boss to mention it, along with a reminder that it’s totally above board and ok to work flexibly like this, you’re not shirking your duties by sneaking off in the middle of the day.

Can you block the time out in your calendar? Makes it easier when people are arranging meetings.

We’ve got to the point at my work now where everybody of all layers of seniority is completely fine with mentioning if they have to go and pick the kids up, will be back later etc - and it’s men as well as women. The more a normal flexibility it seems, the more comfortable people become with it.

I wfh full time. So I go collect my 10yo son, we come back home, and I log back on to do my final hour of work.

We've had this arrangement since he was 8, with my boss confirming its acceptable. Before 8yo he had a childminder collect him daily. Then I'd work til 4.30 then go and collect from CM.

If you have an arrangement with your boss to take the time off, then it isn’t your other colleague’s business. I would have just repeated, I cannot have a meeting on Mondays at 3.

Unless it's been specifically agreed as an employer I would not accept this, an hour for lunch would be taken between 12 and 2 generally, you can't expect meetings to not be at 3pm. Doing a school run in emergency is different but not day to day unless it's in your contract. Also if a child is young enough to need collecting, they also need childcare surely?

Yep I log back on. Kids are old enough to entertain themselves till I finish

School run days are long gone for me but my advice is to own it as a woman with both a career and children.

Be clear and upfront that some days and times you are not available for meetings due to other responsibilities and why. That way you help to normalise it in your workplace culture. As long as you aren't letting others down and flexibility agreed with your manager.

As a PP said you shouldn't be apologising for it, or minimising it either.

@shockeditellyou agree- it’s becoming increasingly hard to schedule meetings when we can’t do before 10am, lunchtime or 3pm. I’m very honest with my team though and if I’m the blocker I ask DH if we can swap our childcare duties that day.

it’s not a criticism, just an observation that flexible working patterns do have an impact and I contribute to it.

I don’t think that I’d have said I couldn’t do any 3pm meetings on Monday unless it was critical in that discussion.

I would have later confirmed to whomever was scheduling ‘I’m afraid Monday 3pm doesn’t work as I have a clash / another commitment’

I can see why you felt uncomfortable at being asked if it was the school run, it isn’t his business what your commitment is. But you were rather inviting people to think this by announcing it to the group.

A 10yo only needs an adult to be in the building with them. They don't need constant observing.

And your flexi arrangements become others peoples business when it affects your availability for a meeting at a time within your working hours

That's ridiculous. I had to do a school run for my kids until they were old enough to drive because we live in a rural area with no public transport.

Are you sure it wasn't just meant in a general chit-chat making conversation type of way, as opposed to you perceiving it as judgemental?

Exactly this! It's no business why, it could be a personal reason or it could be a regular work meeting.

At my work if someone has a commitment to do the school run it’s taken seriously when scheduling meetings because we recognise if they don’t get away at that time there are kids left standing about at a school gate. Your colleague might have meant ‘Right, we need gocompare on these calls so it’s important we avoid 3pm on Mondays.’ Popping out for half an hour doesn’t undermine anyone’s ability to do their job, and in fact having a good work-life balance helps most people’s work performance.

The thing is, you could've stopped it all (including the overthinking) by saying "Actually, that's when I take my lunch hour as agreed with X.". Any further speculation would be shut down as it's your own business what you do during your lunch.

I assume you were the only one unable to make the meeting?

They can still need collecting but not be a "young"child.