My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

I'm wondering if he is actually a Loan Shark

How about the truth? They're old enough to understand it.

Hmmm not really.

I’m frequently told on mumsnet I’m not a high earner but have more than that in savings.

It just sounds to me like the H has fingers in a few pies.

The ‘not triggering a tax investigation’ stuff (different post) is odd. Being investigated is really common and it is likely to happen anyway. My DH has been investigated before, as long as you have done nothing wrong you’ve done nothing wrong.

OP personally I’d start by getting a job of your own.

Bravo

I am the breadwinner in the family bc husband had an op and can't work in his physical job anymore. I earn therefore I hide some money (savings) from dh and dc - nobody knows what I have. What is the problem? You take care of what is within your remit, your authority. You are a sahm - surely he won't criticise you hide provisions? My logic behind hiding the money from them is to stem any probability of unreasonable expenditure in the family, or unreasonable suggestions about outgoings. This is called common sense.

That sounds really tough. The lack of financial transparency from your husband is really concerning, especially given the situation. If possible, maybe try having an open, calm conversation with him to understand things better. Otherwise, consulting a financial expert or forensic accountant could give you more clarity.

Wow, you sure trust your dh a hell of a lot!!

My logic behind hiding the money from them is to stem any probability of unreasonable expenditure in the family, or unreasonable suggestions about outgoings.
Actually that’s is called financial control bordering on financial abuse….

@Teateaandmoretea youre the first person I’ve ever met who says that ‘a tax investigation is very common’.
An investigation for benefit fraud? Hell yes! That’s very common. For taxes? I’ve never met anyone who had one.

I don't understand why there are childcare costs with kids of twelve and sixteen.

@Hwi That’s really not a normal attitude - that a spouse not in paid work should be deliberately kept in ignorance of the family’s finances as it’s not their ‘remit’. Unless there’s proven irresponsibility with money or a gambling problem that’s quite disturbing.

I think the judge will disagree with him.

So basically the issue here is that DH has made/saved £122,000 and decided to invest it in a rental property without discussing it with OP, or making her aware that he had so much money?

I wouldn't want to be with someone who wasn't entirely transparent with finances, but it sounds like this is the normal pattern in OP's relationship. I also don't see the need for a forensic accountant. It doesn't sound like DH is hiding the rental property, just the details of the money involved.

Stop speculating and wasting time here.

Read up on financial abuse.

His concealment of the money plus his behaviour to you over it is a clear case of financial abuse:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/

Do not take what he says about your rights as the truth.

If he can hide an entire property, he is devious and deceitful.

See a solicitor asap.

Find out your RIGHTS.

A tax investigation may be the best thing that could happen if he needs to be exposed - and you need evidence and the truth about him.

Your kids are 12 and 16 - old enough to understand if you decide to end the marriage, and why.

They aren't little children, but living with an abusive man is harmful to them.

And it's harming you.

Thank you 2JF.
I'm going thru some papers and he's stated his income is over £150k a year.
I had no idea.
What's this after tax? Per month after tax?

Why should I trust him or my dc? Any particular reason? I love them, that is enough, but I don't trust people.

His reactions and attitude to you are as concerning as the secret money.
I'd secretly speak to a lawyer and forensic accountant

I imagine it was her safety net as she was a sahm with no income

Where has he stated his income?

Otoh I’ve personally never met anyone who has been investigated for benefits.

I have a DH who has been and my dad and uncle are (were) accountants.

Believe me the revenue investigate all sorts of things.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Are you actually admitting you’re a bit dim??

OP has already says she does ALL the childcare and has been a SAHP whilst he’s been working f/t in his own business.

Husband won’t even do school runs so OP has no opportunity to improve her earnings potential or more importantly, her pension provision.

The fact that he’s also concealing his income shows that he regards her no more than his live in housekeeper/paid sex worker.

He’s a vile controlling man and at least if the OP divorces him, she’s likely to enjoy a much happier and wealthier lifestyle.

£7607.20 per month after tax.

If this is uk, on the face of it around 59k tax and NI combined but it will depend on lots of variables ie he could put up to 60k into his private pension which will reduce tax liability

The children are 16 and 12. They can make their own way to school, (or if they can't due to distance/lack of public transport, there might be a creative solution involving e.g. dropping at nearest bus stop, or they can be dropped off early - it's not like OP needs to be waiting around in the playground for the doors to open).

I'm also puzzled as to why childcare costs for children this age would eat up all OP's salary. Most people don't incur any.

Simply put ...
Husband buys flat for £200k
Wife beleives there is a mortgage if £200k
Wife finds out there is a mortgage of £78k on property as husband has paid deposit of £122k.
Wife has no knowledge of £122k, which husband will have earned and paid tax on.

Is that his salaried income 150k or his entire income including freelance work, investments and rents?