My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago from a woman who was inheriting £6,000 and didn’t know if she should tell her husband. The overwhelming response was she should put it in a separate account and keep it to herself.

If people come on here to tell you otherwise just because he’s a man they are enormous hypocrites.

Your post and follow up post makes no sense. Can you state the facts coherently and let us know what your issue is? What do you mean he works 7 days a week even on vacation? What amount after tax? etc etc.

He bought a flat you know nothing about and he somehow magicked up £122k to pay the deposit.

I hope I'm wrong, but it's possible someone else might've paid the deposit, OP, and that person might be living in the flat and might account for where he is at weekends. Edited to add Okay, just seen you have met the tenants. So it's not his secret family then!

If you've been to the flat and have the address, check on the Land Registry to see who is named as the owner/s. It only costs a few quid to do it online.

Huh, you didn't know about the property but you've met the people that live in it?

So you did know about the property…

Make copies of all paperwork.

How and when did you meet the tenants if you only found out about the flat by finding paperwork. There may be a reasonable explanation but I'm curious anyway.

There's a difference between stashing a bit of secret money away just in case and buying a property I think, no matter whether that person is male or female.

£6k isn’t quite the same than £120k.
And it’s not the same when a woman has no savings, doesn’t work or has a low paid part time job ‘because chikdren’ (and a less than helpful dh) and a man who earns really well already.

I also feel the issue here is more the fact he has managed to save that much money from his income but has been telling the OP for years to be careful/can’t pay the mortgage early etc….
It seems he is hiding income (and a big one) rather than than a one off payment. Very different kettle of fish

You've only got one option here really, haven't you?

I mean, then the property is no secret?

The reason women get told to do this is precisely because men like OP's husband assume their wives are unpaid skivvies, and who refuse to share anything whilst expecting their spouse to provide all domestic services for nothing.

It's not a like for like comparison, but just in the interests of fairness, if it was a stay at home husband posting that his wife doesn't want to pool resources, and treated him as a skivvy, I'd suggest exactly the same 'fuck off fund' to him.

So.........

I dont expect any couple are going to be aware of each others finances in detail BUT clearly he's sitting on a LOT of money you dont know about

The other issue that might concern me if he has 'non PAYE' income is has it been properly declared for Tax

WTH? He’s awful 😞

Well I have no idea how much my DH has in savings - he casually dropped he had £100K put away for DDs university and all I felt was immense relief and pride that he is taking care of his family. Could it not be like that - that he has bought a second property to help out your children in the future.

Oh FFS: the position of women in this society financially compared to the men in their lives is different. Women are still disadvantaged with respect to inheritance—women here are frequently reporting that they are shorted in inheritance or monetary handouts from parents and family. They lose out on maternity keave as their pension’s decrease. They are entitled to nothing if they are not married upon separation. They are entitled to nothing during the marriage if their spouse won’t share eith them. And children are wholly their financial burden with CMS hard to get and quite low. Of course the financial advice given a woman is different from that given to a man.

Sorry he works from home and doesn't do the school run...!!
He's hidden a lot of money from you.
You need to be very careful get some legal advice before you bring the flat up again and see where you stand.

That’s because women are usually the ones who stay at home, don’t work or work part time if they have a stay at home parent. It’s usually women who don’t have their own income, savings or pension and are so financially dependent they are fucked if they want to leave or he leaves her. It’s usually women under financial control. It’s these women who are encouraged to have secret savings- so they can look after themselves and their children alone if it ever came to that

OP, being married doesn't mean that you have to share all your money! My husband has a Trust and investments which - as far as I know - are quite substantial. They are his mainly through inheritance, and also because he was previously a high earner. Frankly, I consider that his money is none of my business.

A fuck-off fund would be £10k max - enough to rent a flat, get some basic furnishings into it and support yourself and the DC for a couple of months if you'd been a SAHM and needed to find a job.

Not £122k capital in a flat on which, one assumes, he is paying the mortgage.

The whole thread does not make any sense whatsoever

So did you know he had bought the flat then? You have met the tenants…

Are you coming back, OP, to explain how you’ve met the tenants of a property you didn’t know existed?

Wouldn’t it affect you tax wise as now your home becomes a second home or vica versa with the other property for tax purposes - together within your marriage and tax allowances you own at least two properties regardless of whether your name is attached to this one.

Because they're often not working, working but earning far less than their partner (due to time off to have DC fucking over their career, or childcare meaning they're only working part-time), if a woman leaves it's usually with the DC and because of the DC she's limited in what jobs she can take because she still has to provide childcare for them and can't necessarily afford to pay someone else to do it due to the previous effects on her career. So yes, she needs a fuck-off fund both to leave initially and while she is getting set up in a situation that works, and it needs to be secret because far more many men than women are abusive and you don't necessarily see it straight away if your partner is turning abusive - in fact it's usual not to realise right away.

Men are usually working full-time with a career that's flourishing having been unhindered in any way due to becoming a father, and if they leave it's usually without the DC. So all they need to do is house themselves as a single person out of their wages, which is easy enough to do.