My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

I’m also curious as to how you’ve met the tenants of a flat you didn’t know about…..?

This is the third or fourth thread I've seen in the past week where the OP is a jumbled up mess.

This is an odd thread.

And yet he did leave the paperwork lying about. I'm thinking maybe DH isn't the brightest. Either that or he really does think it's none of her business and she shouldn't dare to question it even if she does know - she said he acted angry that she brought it up (!). This bloke isn't normal, one way or another.

My reading of this is that the OP knew about the flat and has met the tenants, but for some reason did not know that her husband had purchased it with a mortgage that was £122k less than the purchase price. Someone posted asking her two questions: So has he got a property you didn't know about? Bought with funds you weren't aware of?. She answered 'yes' but I think she was answering the second question, not both.

The other explanation is that the entire thing is made up. Take your pick.

Get some legal advice and if you can take to documents to a solicitor. As you said, you are married so the money is jointly, not his money.

OP, when did he buy it? It could be that the value is different to the mortgage amount but that's normal if a) the flat has increased in price over the years and b) the rent has been slowly paying it off. He may have only put in 20k and the rest is equity. Did he buy it before you met? Still strange to keep a secret, but he didn't necessarily stash away 120K.

I expect she met them after discovering the existence of the property. I think we can understand a little curiosity on her part under the circumstances.

Otherwise it's a coincidence and she knew them, but I imagine the former is far more likely.

Neither is grounds for derailing the thread as some posters have attempted.

why do women allow themselves to be tricked into thinking that childcare costs should come out of their salary only?

It’s a mass gaslight - it soon becomes ‘not worth’ working for 12 grand a year or whatever.

but the kids are a joint responsibility and like all others should be split in the ratio of respective earnings.

and even if all earnings were used up - the earnings themselves are not the only reason to work - independence, ability to stay in the game, and pension are really important too. And it’s only a few years - careers are long.

You've just discovered he has a BTL flat and you've already met the tenants !

Anyway it seems like you're not a team and he doesn't view you as such. Given your situation that leaves you vulnerable. I'd be having a sit down and saying well if you want to have separate money then we need to split looking after the kids so I can work. Or you can pay me to do it!

That's really naughty of him!

Omg! What an arse hole

You would think western women have it better. Not really. Dad was a chauvinist and a bit of other things but paid all the bills of all the family, including the grandparents , also paid for me and my borthers rent and bills and all that - to go away for our specialised secondaries, each in a different city. My mother earned and he would give her even more. This is what I know, this is how I married and this is how I am treated. Keep it all and am given even more

How long has he had the flat? If he's had it a long time, it will have risen in value, while the mortgage will have become lower over time, a remortgage could easily show those values if he's had it a long time.. without knowing what he bought it for or when it's hard to say!

Does it happen to a woman what she has been used to or what she decides she will accept

<tumbleweed>

He’s extremely secretive isn’t he. When in a marriage the theory “what’s mines my own “ doesn’t work very well for any lasting harmony. Secretive, sneaky, selfish behaviour. He doesn’t come across as a team player, I personally don’t think people like this should marry, he’s too invested in himself.

True.
I think if the man tries the same thing though it’s seen as pretty bad.

This makes no sense at all. My first concern would be why the hell has my husband bought another property? I think how he did it would be secondary to that

I’d suspect your existing home has been remortgaged to raise this as it would be cheaper to remortgage your existing home to the max as different Intrest rate on BTL

There's a middle ground between thinking that all finances are joint and his thinking that this is none of your business. Sure an inheritance or prior savings could arguably be ringfenced and seen as "his". But you would expect to be aware of it and as it is a life changing amount, some consideration having been paid by him as to how it may better the life of his family. It's the attitude around the discussion that is concerning

That’s my question… 👀

I put my phone down for a few hours.
I'll read and respond later.
I feel so tired, worn out.