My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

No he's wrong his money is family money.

I'm Muslim and in my religion, a man's money is his money and his wife's money. But her money is for her alone.

Wow. And refuses ro do school run, sorry but what a pig.

I'm very glad to hear that. No-one deserves to be treated that way. I suspect that you'll get some backlash from those around you, but you deserve so much better, so put on you big girl pants, get a good lawyer for what will undoubtedly become a bigger fight than it should have been. Keeping mind the brighter, more supported future ahead of you. There's nothing so lonely as being in a relationship where you're not seen or heard.

Thanks for the update.

Wooooo bonus!

I see you are about to divorce him. Do take legal advice. If you are in England then in a divorce both parties' assets are added up and debts and then the court divides them based on what is appropriate for that case. You may also be entitled to spousal support too at least for a few years if he earns more.

if you are in Scotland or abroad then rules will differ. Don't go for decree absolute until the finances are either agreed between you and signed into a sealed court consent order or the court decides the finances and do take legal advice on clean breaks before agreeing one.

rugbyman is the husband.

OP, you are doing the right thing to divorce him. The only way to get money out of this lame excuse for a man is to divorce him during his lifetime whilst he is healthy, not to wait for him to die and do the right thing because he won't. Not even sure he will provide well for his dcs, so do this for them too.

Get a SHL (shit hot lawyer) and look after yourself and dcs.

The unsavoury means could be tax evasion, especially since he will not show OP his tax returns. Hopefully not criminal activities like drug dealing. Either way, it will affect the split of assets on divorce.

Fingers crossed it is not this.

If he bought a btl before meeting you and with his own money, what on earth has it got to do with you?
Yes, it would be nice to have such information but you are talking in the abstract about the equity he would have if he sold it. He doesn't have £122k sitting in the bank which is what you are making people believe. If he sells, minus the Capital Gains Tax of 24% he will have equity and again, if it's his money he can decide what to do with it.

Keep going.

Your life will get better 🌞

Its clearly financial abuse.

Get all the legal assistance you can to get your share.

What an awful man.

How much looking after does a 16 year old and a 12 year old need?

How is the flat a secret if you’ve met the tenets

Photo all the info you can.And divorce the mean loser. Wishing you strength

The “loans” especially to family may not be loans but a way of hiding money.
friend’s husband did exactly that and lied through his teeth throughout the divorce. Photograph or copy everything you can and get the copies to a safe place.
What a bastard.

I find this attitude so strange. What is the point of being married to someone who is amassing a large fortune and keeping it a secret from you?

But it's not really the same thing, is it? Women in bad relationships are at physical risk from their male partners and whatever MRAs would have us think, women posing a similar physical risk to their male partners is pretty much NOT a thing. The good old Fuck Off Fund might be used just to leave a relationship that's lost its gloss, but it's usually advised to be kept a secret because the women who really need one might be at risk from their partners.

What I would wonder about in this case is that if they have an otherwise unremarkable 15 year old marriage, they presumably share things in common. An entire mystery property is not a few grand stashed away for a rainy day or to fund an indulgent hobby. I'd wonder if the OP's husband is keeping his options open regarding the future. And clearly that's not a nice surprise to have about a 15 year old marriage! Lots of couples have a property investment but they do tend to both know about it ...

What a pig. Can lend them 10k but won't even let you look at it. 🙄

Well done on finding your worth. Best thing you can do is leave him. X

Visit the flat with a clipboard and pretend to be a researcher who will send them £100 voucher in the post if they answer a few questions
who is your boyfriend ?
who is the father of your children ?
how often does he visit ?

Also could be viewed as hiding money via family members...

I'd get a forensic accountant and legal advice.

I'm proud of you. You've finally found your anger and that anger will give you the strength you need to leave. Remember it in your darkest times, and unfortunately there will be many, but you will eventually find peace and happiness again. Good luck 🌻

Stay strong OP, and come back for advice or let off steam if you need to. Don't feel you have to keep updating though, you have enough on your plate. xx

@Multiplicationarithmetic I think you are doing the right thing. As it sounds like he may be waiting for the kids to be old enough and leave you and give you the bare minimum like he is now.

Take what’s yours!

Take photos of everything. Pensions, mortgages, other documents. You may need them later.

Good luck, the next year or two might not be easy sorting everything out, but long-term you are dong the right thing.

Don't let him grind you down over that's yours from the relationship. We have a friend who mutually split with his wife (found out later she was seeing someone). She worked 30 hours per week in a good job (admittedly earning 50% of what he earned but still enough to live on). She absolutely would not settle for less than 60% of the house and in turn 60% of his pension - in the end he gave in as he just wanted to move on. Don't let it be the other way around for you, ie you might not want 60% but get your share, especially if he hasn't been supportive over you working and trying to bring an income in.

I immediately thought he's having an affair. The tenants could be part of a threesome? Or they could just be mates he gets to come round to hide an affair/affairs. He is entitled to his own money but to hide a property is suspicious. As is your story.

I think those might be too obvious, those questions. Hahha but good one