My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

I'm calling a solicitor on Monday.
I've been collating info and thinking- I couldn't call today cos I was too upset-crying in the car. He said he's doing his job.
I said i signed a marriage certificate, not a job contract. I told him I'm going to the supermarket now and I know my duties.
I've retrained in my own time and could earn money if he looked after children more.i can't keep fighting him.

Wobbly, I think you're right.

With the financial situation I agree with others. Regarding work, I'm sorry but you're not accounting for the 9am-3pm time Monday-Fridays term time. Is there really that much housework? I'm up 6am weekends and work FT.

I agree with EMUKE. Culturally, your take on a woman’s role seems Dickensian. Perhaps in some societies, eg Taliban, this is the only way women survive… but in the UK?

It was meant to read ‘I do not agree with EMUKE’ because that is a sexist way of looking at the genders in 21st century. I do agree with multiplicationarithmetic.

Bloody hell! She does all the domestic stuff and childcare 7 days a week, and no, it isn’t her husband who works 7 days. Some pp have misread the OP. I hardly think you can call her workshy.

I knew someone who had a lot of money considering the size of his family and occupation he had. It turned out he was amassing the wealth doing something illegal. Be carefull. He may have been accumulating this by unsavoury means, and you may be sorry you learned of this. If it's inherited wealth he never told you about that's his business. But it seems weird he wouldn't share the information with you. There's definitely a lack of trust on both sides. Good luck. Regards. Love x

Catch up hun x

@raretraybake Thankx for the warning. X

Lots of good advice from MN here. Tread carefully and safely. No one can make you feel bad without your permission. You are a strong lady. You have many options - only you will know what is best. Do not be scared of hard choices… sometimes they are a blessing in disguise. You have everything you need inside you. Perhaps this has been a long time coming . Only you know what you need to do.

Make sure that you occasionally take time out for you. No one should have to be at home responsible 24/7. It might mean going swimming, joining a zumba class, meeting a friend for a coffee. You need to look after yourself too. Just like in the airplane when they tell us to put our oxygen masks on first… self care is important as is finding joy. Get that DH to cook a meal… or to spend time with his children instead of you always being the carer. Tell him how you want to be treated… respectfully.

I do get time out.

Law of England is married in community of property. Name on sale agreement means nothing. You both own e evrything, including whatever be concealed from you. Go visit the property secretly and see who's lining the hubby's pockets.
Also, there's possibly a tax issue to consider... Look into that too, make sure you're not personally liable. Crooked peeps not always that that clever. Seems like he was making a side hustle or laundering money.

I’m not sure necessarily true if a lot of money is actually in a company, for example an ltd for buy to let.

Now I answer again.

Were you going to split before you found a property you didn't know about?

This answer should guide you through your emotional storm. Use your head, girl.

Just because you read it on the Internet doesn't mean you must act on it. Think before Internet trolls say things that drive you to an emotional and disastrous outcome.

We don't know the facts. Speak to your hubby openly and honestly. If he's refusing to engage ask hom what you can do to make him feel safe to open up.

As you're married you own everything together and it's also equally yours. Unmarried, it's none of your business.

That's not quite true Rhodesia, it's mine if its acquired during the course of our marriage.
I was thinking about splitting anyway cos of his emotional unavailability.

I always thought the law applied to couples where the house is registered in both names and they are legally 'Tenants in Common'. In that case you cannot leave your half of the house to someone else, is my belief.

I am wrong. I looked up what that means and have copied and pasted the response from google Ai: I am surprised. When my late husband and I out the house in our names as 'tenants in common' the solicitor told us that meant we could not leave our share to someone other than our spouse. The copy and paste below is quite different, but we made wills in favour of each other. There was no question of otherwise in that respect. I am horrified to think that it was not as we were advised. Perhaps I was confused with 'Joint Tenants', but I would not otherwise have even known the term 'Tenants in Common'. I suppose lawyers can be wrong sometimes?

Tenants in common is a type of joint property ownership in the UK where each owner has a separate share of the property. The shares can be equal or unequal.

How it works
Each owner has a separate share of the property

The shares can be equal or unequal

The property does not automatically pass to the other owners when one owner dies

The deceased owner can leave their share to anyone they want in their will

If there is no will, the deceased owner's share will pass according to the laws of intestacy

Each owner can make decisions about their share of the property independently

Each owner receives a percentage of the sale proceeds when the property is sold

When it's useful
When friends or relatives want to own property together

When someone wants to leave their share of the property to someone else when they die

When someone wants to guarantee that their children will benefit from their estate when they die

When someone is worried about the cost of care home fees

When to change

Someone may need to change from joint tenants to tenants in common if they divorce or separate from their partner

But they're married. He's clearly been lying to her for several years. He could be hiding secret mistress in the flat. Unless the they have a pre nup then it's 50/50. She's made sacrifices by having children maintaining a house hold.

Not for a divorce but this man does not seem to be having his wife and kids as his first priority

if it is a BTL, where has the income from the rental gone? Has it contributed to your lifestyle? How long has he had the flat for?

It is pretty bad for him not to have told you, but if you are benefitting from the income then it would be sightly less bad I would day.

If not, then its really bad

The OP has said he has multiple properties, so I imagine there is money being reinvested into buying more properties....

Sounds like the OP has been oblivious to how their house and lifestyle has been funded, has now found this "evidence" and freaked out. He is treating her with disdain which is not ideal, but understandable if she has had no dealings/interest/knowledge into financial dealings.

If you leave the relationship, have you given any thought to how life will be? It sounds like financially divorce might give you a bumper pay day. What about the other things that make up life? Will it be better?

Then the 122K is just part of your problem. He expects you to pay the childcare?! If you were childless AND running separate bank acocunts I'd (somehow) find the 122K issue less problematic ( just a bit!) but you have children/ child. So there should be combined /fully disclosed finances, and sharing of costs for that child. If not 'why not' answers your questions.

He sounds very selfish. It should be a partnership. I would be so resentful if I ended up doing all the childcare and he isn't prepared to enable you to work. This is even before we get to the hidden money side...geez some men!

completely muddled by this post, I just can't see mortgage company overvalueing a flat to the tune of £122,000 unless its one of those multi million pound flats