My husband has hidden £122,000 from me (before you ask, I do not gamble nor have credit card debt)

[Multiplicationarithmetic]

Married for over 15 years and I was sorting out some papers.
I found a buy to let mortgage with a difference between the flat value and mortgage amount.
I asked him how he paid the difference and he got angry and said he paid for it with his savings and that he could do whatever he wants with it.
I said it's our money cos I do loads of childcare and house-stuff while he's working 7 day weeks even on vacation.
Shit, it's that amount after tax. What the hell?
It's over I think. I'm terrified what a forensic accountant will find out.

Who’s the beneficiary of the second life insurance policy?

Who is named in the will you found?

I’m wondering if he is the “financial head” of the family by dint of being the wealthiest - and so feels an additional responsibility to take care of them all. This can often happen when one adult child earns significantly more than their parents and siblings.

it’s shit he’s not talking to you about all this and I suspect he’s treating you as a dependant rather than an equal.

Beneficiary: Family of origin.
If he's the wealthiest, why does our house need repairing?

I’d be livid. Imagine hiding money from your own wife and offspring. Your right op, he should have invested that into your mortgage to bring it down. I’m concerned from your earlier message that you stated childcare eats into YOUR money. Is he not providing the full cost for the childcare considering he is the bread winner!? You deserve better than this and he really needs to grow some balls and step up for his wife and kids. That’s a massive amount of money. The fact he gets angry when you brought it up is a major red flag and a massive turn off. What else is he hiding……

marriage vows well and truly shot to hell.

I have about £100k in savings my husband knows nothing about. Because its my money, i earnt it, i saved it. Its nothing to do with him.
As long as our bills are paid and we are living comfortably i dont see how what i save is anything to do with him and vice versa. As long as its not saved at the expense of the family i personally dont see an issue.

I agree with a previous poster, women are actively encouraged on here to do this kind of thing and have "secret savings" so i dont see why its different for a man.

Edit: - read most of your responses, it sounds like hes being a bit dodgy with tax and doesnt want you to know?

You could try searching his name in Companies House to see if he has a business on the side.

Not everyone knows that Companies house is accessible to everyone. You can search a name or a company. It is very useful if you want to find out if a trader is solvent or not. Same with estate agents. I found it very interesting when listing the house for sale and researching the names of viewers.

Only Limited companies need to be registered with Companies House. If his business isn't a Limited Company there's no need to register.

Totally agree with this. If I’m out working 7 days a week and want to invest in property that’s my business, not my partners or children’s business.
i think it’s his attitude that’s wrong not his actions.

If he's self employed, has he bought the flat with money from his limited company?

Actually, a forensic accountant will probably find other funds he's hidden from you. In a 50/50 divorce this is in your favour.

Yeah, its not like hes wasting it. Hes invested it in a property which if hes renting out will bring in an income.

I think the issue is that shes being left with no money and he has loads which is wrong.

OP is the children are 16 and 14, why do you need childcare? Surely they can fend for themselves to an extent and you can work and get money to keep for YOU?

Definitely, children are old enough now, I’d be out working and saving and preparing for a divorce if I wasn’t happy.

you should still claim child benefit as you will get years towards your state pension by doing this. He can then deduct from his tax return.

Red flags

1. flat bought and rented out secretly without letting his wife is sneaky behaviour. Unfair too if there is still a mortgage on the family home..
2. wife retrains and husband is unprepared to help with shared childcare duties to enable her to increase earnings.
3. Wife has enabled the family unit to work around husband working 7 days per werk because she has paid for and provided all the childcare to the detriment of her career.

My ex was secretive and unfair with money - believe me, it doesn’t improve with time.

I can’t go out at weekends cos I’m needed for childcare/housework.

JFC are you just the maid/nanny?!

It sounds like he has a lot of money tied up in assets? Why aren't you working if your children are 12 and 16?

Apologies if I missed it but what was it like before you had children? Were you employed, did you both agree you'd stop working?

Time for divorce. He is a selfish, secretive 💩 It's that simple.

I was an accountant for hmrc years ago and the only investigations i ever carried out where ones where people had reported others with enough evidence.
I dont think they employ trained accountants anymore and they definitely dont have as much staff so i think investigations are very rare unless they think theyll find something. They definitely dont do randomised checks etc on people.
Benefits are much the same, usually something flags the system or someone reports fraud.

He sounds controlling and selfish. Start documenting everything with evidence re finances and assets. take photos on your phone. You dont want these documets dissapearing. You could do a credit check run like experian which would show up all the accounts. You may have to do it in his name to get them to show. Then you have bank account details. Then go see a solicitor / accountant. Him avoiding tax is his issue- divorce him first and get the finances seperated. Maybe he is planning for leaving you once kids are classed as adults and its 'easier' to sort finances as no children involved and he no longer needs a wife/ housekeeper/childminder.

Also let a trusted friend know what you are doing - just in case you are dissapeared !

So sorry...Get a lawyer asap ! Also get all the proof you can in case the worst happens. Copy take photos of EVERYTHING related to money. And start a journal.

Jesus! I'd go and get some legal advice sharpish. Divorce him and take your share.

Dear Multiplicationarithmetic,

you very probably will not lose your home, you will very probably also retain the right to live in the family property after you have divorced him. You can divorce him without his moving out. My friend divorced her husband, then evicted him, then helped him resettle elsewhere. It can be done. Start with Citizens Advice Bureau (free) and ask them to suggest a good divorce lawyer. Whether he is in trouble with HMRC and/or the law is his lookout. You need to look after yourself and your child/ren.
As someone has already said: he's likely to trade you in for a younger model when the children have left home.

Photocopy everything you can lay your hands on, leave the copies somewhere safe that he can't get them. See a solicitor next week. You are nothing but his housekeeper.

Be your own forensic accountant. Keep digging and take photos of any documentary proof you find. You need to get your ducks in a row financially before you dump his deceitful ass.

He won't let me see his income tax return.