Funniest thing your child has said?

[Snartie]

Inspired by comments on a video I seen on TikTok which had me in stitches, what is the funniest thing your child has ever said?

I’ve had a rubbish day and neee cheering up!

Some favourites of mine from the video in question are;

• My daughter at the time was 3 or 4. She was crying & just making the ugly crying face. I told her “stop making that face or it’ll stay stuck like that” she said “is that what happened 2 u?”

• my sister was in the 2nd grade and I picked her up from school and asked her how her day was and she told me “i don’t have time for your curiosity” i was appalled

“But…the real people don’t die.” A toddler on death in stories.

dd1 “rule number one:no shouting in the house”
dd2 (furiously) “rule number two YES SHOUTING IN THE HOUSE.”

Can’t think of any because I’m too busy stealing, “I don’t have time for your curiosity”. 😂

“It’s a good job you’re not a YouTuber mum…. Because your really boring”

&

dd: I love you
me: I love you too
dd: no mum I was talking to the hoover

My niece when aged 4 and asked to find her shoes -" You don't know how hard my life is!"

Mummy shh you're ruining my focus (aged 4)

My 4 year old… you’re not my favourite person anymore because you’ve ruined my day(when I said no to the chip shop).
5 minutes later… I changed my mind, you are my favourite… can I have sweeties now?

To Father Christmas: I am on the good list, but I'm right at the bottom

A very small and skinny friend complained that a man kept trying to grope her.
Son said ‘God it’d be like groping a coat hanger’. Well it made me laugh, anyway.

ds1 aged 4 on trying to lace his shoes ended up shouting “it is rocket science”

Oh that's so cute.

Last week at church my charmingly truthful daughter went up to the vicar (who happens to be a very close friend) and says ‘Hi Rev XXX, Mummy says you like wine’. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

When DD was 5, halfway through a slice of pizza bigger than her head, clearly feeling too full to finish it all when she lamented, "but my tongue just wants to be happy!"

Blatant placemark to come back and cheer myself up later

My 3yo DS - watching the laundry tumbling around in the washing machine and noticing a flesh-coloured sock - "Is that your willy? Did someone cut it off?"

: Jesus was on the titanic
: mum your hair looks like shepherds pie

Dd9 and DP joking with each other:
Dd: I'm cold
Dp: sucks to be you
Dd: sucks to be your mum

I spat my drink out

When my eldest son was 6 he used to go swimming with a close friend who had two older sisters. They came back to ours for lunch and were talking about kissing. Initially the shock (and disgust) at the idea of kissing girls. “ If two boys kiss they’re gay” - DS responded “yes, yes, I know that”. Friend - “well if two girls kiss they’re called le, le - if two girls kiss they’re called legends”

She was eating hoisin duck pot noodle type thing once and said 'mmmm this tastes like Muslims'

I think she meant Asian food!

My 7 year old said to me "I wish you hadn't had me till you were 50 mum"
Me "whys that?" (Had him at 34)
Him "I could have done with a bit longer to myself in your tummy I wasn't ready to come out yet"
Me "how long did you want you were already 2 weeks late"
Him "hmmm... about 12 years I think" 🤣

My daughter is 8 and has come out with some crackers in the last couple of weeks:
Me: How do you want your eggs? Scrambled or boiled?
Her: "in their containers" (meaning their shells)

Her, very panicked: "Mummy mummy there's a hole in my eye!"
Me, almost equally panicked: "What?! What do you mean? Let me see!"
On checking, it was her tear duct.

My three year old..."Could I talk when I was born?", Me.."No, you had to learn." DS..."So how did you know my name was Tom, then?"

DD was 4 and DS was a baby with nappy rash:

DD: Why is the babies bum red like that?'

Me: 'Oh it's sore because he's teething.'

DD (thinking and looking confused) What? He bites his own bum?

🤣🤣🤣

My eldest two had just had sex Ed at school (and thought they knew everything!)

Anyway,I'd made a stupid off-the-cuff comment,to a friend and muttered under my breath,stupidly thinking only she'd heard it

About an hour or two later,we where at the end of a very long queue in the post office

The younger two where playing up as it was hot and we where all bothered

Cue know-it-all-with-big-ears-but-the-loudest-gob ds1

'Muuummm!are we really rejects from the condom factory???'

The whole queue had shaking shoulders and the lady serving couldn't look me in the eye

When we play restaurant, my 4 yr old likes to have a “rose wine”/ blackcurrant squash in a plastic wine glass. She was walking around with her plastic wine glass and it was spilling over the floor. My husband said “careful with that glass” to which she replied in a posh accent “it’s plastic darling” 😂😂

I asked my the 6year old dd if my tummy looked fat and she replied "which one"