Funniest thing your child has said?

[Snartie]

Inspired by comments on a video I seen on TikTok which had me in stitches, what is the funniest thing your child has ever said?

I’ve had a rubbish day and neee cheering up!

Some favourites of mine from the video in question are;

• My daughter at the time was 3 or 4. She was crying & just making the ugly crying face. I told her “stop making that face or it’ll stay stuck like that” she said “is that what happened 2 u?”

• my sister was in the 2nd grade and I picked her up from school and asked her how her day was and she told me “i don’t have time for your curiosity” i was appalled

Diana Doors said that when I’m church for a wedding I think it was, the vicar said ‘Save our souls’. Her very young son said quite loudly - Oooh he said arseholes mummy!!!

My youngest loved her orange juice as a child, I mistakenly picked up the wrong carton at the supermarket, upon trying this one 'with bits' in it, she pulled a disgusted face and said "Mummy, I hate this orange juice, it's got fleas in it"
We laughed about it for days afterwards and I still smile when I see orange juice 'with bits' 🤣

These little comments are from kids in my care throughout the years:

Playing dinosaurs with my godson, I told him I was a T-rex and I was chasing him around the room, he was giggling with glee. I caught him and told him I was going to bite his bum. His response was don't because all the poo will fall on the floor and Granny won't like it! Well he won with that argument!

Stayed at my sisters and in the morning my 18mth old nephew creep into the room, crawled under the quilt at the end of the bed and started pulling himself up my legs to get to the top. We were both giggling and as he snuggled up at the top, he told me I had hedgehog legs!

Babysitting for a mate, and her two young daughters decided to give me a makeover, they spent an hour brushing my hair, putting flowers in it and putting n blusher and lipstick. I looked like an accident in a Hammer House of Horrors wax work museum. In the morning, when Dad asked what they had done whilst they were out, the eldest piped up with, "we tried to make her beautiful but it would have taken a lot longer than we had, it was a big job".

Not my child, but one I supported in primary school.

He’d done something I had specifically asked him not to, so I tried to put on a cross face.

He climbed onto my lap, facing me, peered into my face, and asked, “Are you definitely normal?”

My DS, then 3, asked what I was doing when I was breastfeeding my baby. When I explained that it was how the baby got milk, he thought for a moment and then asked 'Is there juice in the other one?'

When my DS (now 32) was 4, I was exhausted and run-down and said to myself despairingly while looking in the mirror.. "oh Locutis you're so fat and spotty!" DS said reassuringly, "mummy you're not fat, you're just spotty!"

Asking my DS4 whether he would like a baby sister or a baby brother? He replied "A baby shark". I didn't manage that for him but he was OK about it.

My DS1 ran out of school one day when he was about six and said "Mummy I know how you make a baby!"
"Oh yes dear? And how's that?"
"You need an egg and a little squirm."
"How right you are son."

Ds at mass, looking around in awe "can you believe that guy touched a leopard!"

On seeing an old phone box, 'look Mum, that's where super heroes change their clothes'

Ds2 on seeing the trail from a jet plane 'look it's a rocket'. Dd: 'don't be stupid, everyone knows rockets only fly at night'

How do we teach an 18 month old alphabet and Numbers

Lots of these were funny but this made me laugh out loud!!

Brilliant!

DDs friend was visiting our house, she was looking out the window and saw our cat walking along the pavement. DD's friend asked us how old DCat was, and I replied that he was four. She then asked, "if he's only four then why's he allowed out by himself?"

My daughter at primary school, wrote in her school diary, after a party at home, that "mummy was smoking her funny cigarettes". Reader, they were Sobranie Cocktail.

Just thought of another one! Babysitting and the house was very warm and I made some comment about it to the young sisters I was looking after. The response was that the house does get very hot and sometimes its too hot for mummy and daddy to sleep so they have to take all their clothes off!

Years ago ds 1and 2 in the bath. Ds2 was splashing and annoying ds1. I told ds1 to ignore ds2 to which ds2 replied, yes, ignore me!
Was taking ds1 to nursery when he was about 3. He asked where burglars lived. I asked where he thought they lived and he said I think they live in trees.
DS1 again singing I wanna be a dog to adored by the stone roses
DS2 thinking that the phrase was bacon expression not vacant expression. (Until he was 14!)

..... "You're beautiful" ..... "Just like Peppa Pig" !!!

When my daughter was two she asked to go somewhere and I said no, but we'd go tomorrow. She got a bit cross and said 'not tomorrow, to-now!'

About the same time she insisted she could do everything by herself and strongly objected to assistance. One day we had 'Noooo, I do it myself' then a pause 'but you help me?'

I’m with your ds1 I was sure those were the words

We were getting a chippy for tea. We asked the dc what they wanted and ds (about 6 at the time I think) said he wanted "bastard sausage". He meant battered of course, but it's been known in our house as bastard sausage ever since!

We were watching a native tribe performing a folkloric dance in traditional costumes, pretty much naked with a grass skirt. My 5yo DS said "Are they dancing so they get money to buy themselves some clothes ?"

Many years ago the son of a neighbour was asked at school what his parents did. He said "daddy's in prison and mommy's in hospital". His dad was a prison guard and his mom a nurse 😂

In the queue at the chippy when my daughter was 4 ( she's 47 now) I tickled her and she squirmed and giggled.The lady server smiled and said,"Are you ticklish?" She replied," No, I'm English".

I've actually got a list of funny things DD said when she was about 3 or 4! 😅 Love looking back at it

Some of the classics are;

-I'm abit scared of the wind- its blowing its whistle

• I'd like to go in a sharks mouth one day

• It's abit hot (in the car) we need to put the air freshener on

• I like your top mummy, and I like your face

-They've got a double decker bed (bunk bed!)

• Look it's a 'Jump Hopper' (Grasshopper)

• I would like to use one of your pens as a lucky treat mummy

• Ive got my swimming eyes on (goggles)

• When asked 'have you got butterflies in your tummy?' replied 'No... i haven't eaten any butterflies'

• (When seeing a mango) That apple's grown!

• When being told mummy is going to have to wait a long time to see the dentist ' don't worry mummy, you can be patient!'

• Ohh baby, you look beautiful in that smart dress (that i was wearing whilst pregnant)

-My legs are all out of walking now

-When looking at her money...you've got quite alot now... replied 'yes I've always got quite alot...I'm rich!'

• You need to put Sun-cream on mummy,or you might get burnt and then you'll look like some funny sort of crab!

• Oh my goodness that hoover is so handy, it even eats up teas! (Seeing an advert for a vax)

• We could watch it on 'Ketchup' (catch up!)

• When seeing a fancy postbox outside someone's house 'That's really fashionable'

• I feel abit over the weather

• My favourite car is the dominoes car

• My leg-pit is itching

A friends child asked why her dad had a nicotine patch on his arm. When she was told it was to help her dad give up smoking she asked “shouldn’t it be over his mouth!”

DD is fascinated by the olden days and all the awful things of the past (haven’t told her it’s all still shit) and periodically she’ll regale her friends. She was telling a play date how they used to send children up the chimneys to clean them:

”Grown-up? Wouldn’t fit. Cat? Wouldn’t know what to do. So, have to send a child.”

Something about her tone; sometimes I think about “cat? Wouldn’t know what to do” and have to have a wheezy sit down.