Funniest thing your child has said?

[Snartie]

Inspired by comments on a video I seen on TikTok which had me in stitches, what is the funniest thing your child has ever said?

I’ve had a rubbish day and neee cheering up!

Some favourites of mine from the video in question are;

• My daughter at the time was 3 or 4. She was crying & just making the ugly crying face. I told her “stop making that face or it’ll stay stuck like that” she said “is that what happened 2 u?”

• my sister was in the 2nd grade and I picked her up from school and asked her how her day was and she told me “i don’t have time for your curiosity” i was appalled

My son when about 5 when he was in the bath grabbed his balls and said " mum, are these my coconuts ".
What can you say to that !

Son (4) was kicked in the head by another boy at school and had to be taken to hospital for a brain scan. As the nurse was attaching electrodes (?) to his head he remarked ,'Oh, dear'. Isn't life a struggle?'

Years ago we where at a bbq at the kids nans house (their fathers mother)

We didn't go to theirs often due to them living a 2 hour train ride away

It was mentioned in passing that she lived near the local prison-we could hear a football match going on in the grounds

Fast forward a few days and I'd gone to pick the kids up from school

Teacher beckons me over and asked if nan was in prison

Me-no
Teacher-whos x?
Me-nans boyfriend
Teacher-is he in prison?
Me-erm,not that I know of
Teacher-are you sure?
Me-unless they've been arrested and sent there since this weekend,I don't think so!

Turns out ds3 and dd2 had heard us saying that the local prison was a few streets away,had got a bit confused and had gone round telling everyone that their nan and her boyfriend lived there!

The teachers had gone a bit confused and thought we'd visited them and had a bbq in the grounds as some sort of weird visit

We still joke about it to this day

My son has a speech disorder, so it took a long long time to hear his voice. He does talk but not clearly at all. I literally constantly talk and narrate everything, just total speech bombardment all the time. Walking home from school last week I was talking to him and I keep talking even though he never answers… anyway he stopped and looked at me and really clearly said ‘mummy, please would you close your lips and just think in your mind; thanks’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My DS was mad about Thomas the tank engine. We went to one of the day out with Thomas events where someone dresses as the fat controller and tells stories. The next day while this was still fresh in his mind we went to my friend's wedding. Her DH was rather a stout build and the men were in top hats and tails with yellow waistcoats. At a moment when you could have heard a pin drop my DS caught sight of the groom and excitedly called out "mummy look, it's the fat controller". We have dined out on this story for the past 20 years now 🤣

Aged 5 and coming home after sex ed. 'Mummy, I have a Regina', Very regal!

Nooks and grannies is still a favourite statement.

"Its against the lawn"
"We don't wear clothes in the bath, we only wear tummies in the bath"

DD aged 5 in the car - “That must be the bus for [name of local boys school] it’s got a cock on the side of it”

I nearly fucking crashed.

It was a cockerel, part of the school crest.

My Thomas the Tank Engine obsessed three year old on seeing a photo of me in the town hall (used to be a local councillor) "Oh Mummy, you're famous!" a pause "As famous as Gordon?".

We concluded that I was not as famous as Gordon the Big Engine...

When my DS was a toddler:

"Where's the control nut?"
(TV remote control unit)

"I want my POWER!!"
(Shouted in the middle of the street - accidentally right AT a very startled looking man, who walked off quickly giving zero eye contact)
What DS wanted was for me to switch off the disabling window switch for his back window... so he could wind it up - and down - and up - and down....

When ( now adult) DS was four, I had him in the shopping trolley going around ASDA. As we walked past the DVDs they had a big Lord of the rings/Hobbit display up and DS shouts " Look mammy, it's Dildo Baggins !"

My four year old asked for something and I, trying to encourage good manners, asked the usual "What's the magic word?"

Four year old - "Abracadabra"

I mean he wasn't wrong 🤣

Hello Morticia!

My 12 year old son came out with a cracker today at my parents house where we were having a family gathering. My Dad touched upon how he used to manage the kids football team my brother played in and proceeded to say how my brother was top goal scorer. My son who occasionally goes to watch his my brother and his mates play indoor football promptly replied 'he can't hit a barn door these days'. Brilliant.

When my oldest was 3 I had to change my contact lenses before work and she comes running over all concerned and says "don't poke your eyes out mummy!"

Also I hadn't shaved my pits and she pointed to them and said "beard?"

This made me hoot - she sounds like our local pub raconteur! 🤣

I don't think this is funny really .

No it's pretty shitty

Name changed for this as I've told it many a time...my five-year-old DS and I were discussing what he might want to do when he grows up. After much umming and aahing, he says he might like to have a big car and be a delivery driver.

Me: what will you deliver in your car?

DS: Hmm...I dunno...god's message?

We were waiting outside the disabled loo in our local Marstons pub for my DS to finish using the loo. My youngest daughter aged 4 looked up at a picture on the wall of a countryside scene, started doing a little dance and shouted "Hurrah for the trees!" It was so cute and very funny 😁

When asked about what he wanted to be when he grew up my DGS aged 5 said simply 'a legend'

A family member was driving her son to school and as they approached a roundabout, they saw a banner across it with the message "Happy Birthday John". He asked her what it was for so she replied that it was obviously his birthday so they wanted to wish him a happy one. He thought about it for a little while then said "is the roundabout called John then"!

DD1 said to me, when she was not quite 2yo, Mummy, I do love you, except for when my magic powers make me tell you that I don't.

I was

My son aged 5 - “mummy what’s the F word”?
Me ….” I don’t know” (quickly diverts topic.
A few days later “mummy I know the F word”.
Me “what” “how did you hear that “ Son “at school” Me (… disgusted) well you must never use it or tell other kids. Son “why?” Me “it’s a bad word”. Son “ok mummy”.

A few days later - Son to friend with f same age “I know the F word but mummy says I can’t say it”. Friend “what’s the F word” . Son (very loyal and trust worthy) “no I can’t say it it’s a bad word”. Friend (peer pressure to reveal this taboo word).

A few days later Son “mummy why can’t I say the F word” . Me “it’s a bad word”. Son “why is it bad” Me “it’s a swear word” son “what’s a swear word “ … conversation about why not to say it. I start to get suspicious so I ask him to say the F word. Son “no mummy you said not to”. After lots more conversation he finally reveals the F word taught to him at school “Ferruca” !!! I tell him sternly not to repeat the word to anyone else…. Trying very hard not to laugh. For a year he believed this was the F word.

Please tell me you told him he already was one😂