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Original poster

Funniest thing your child has said?

133 replies

Snartie · 28/01/2025 21:12

Inspired by comments on a video I seen on TikTok which had me in stitches, what is the funniest thing your child has ever said?

I’ve had a rubbish day and neee cheering up!

Some favourites of mine from the video in question are;

  • My daughter at the time was 3 or 4. She was crying & just making the ugly crying face. I told her “stop making that face or it’ll stay stuck like that” she said “is that what happened 2 u?”
  • my sister was in the 2nd grade and I picked her up from school and asked her how her day was and she told me “i don’t have time for your curiosity” i was appalled
OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 29/01/2025 20:43

thenewaveragebear1983 · 29/01/2025 13:26

To Father Christmas: I am on the good list, but I'm right at the bottom

Oh, this is brilliant! 😂

itsgettingweird · 29/01/2025 20:49

My ds asking for boiled egg and dead soldiers.

After working it out he wanted - "toast"

Beachesandcream · 29/01/2025 20:51

3 year old son told me he had paedos and noodles. He meant pins and needles!

Poppymeldrum · 30/01/2025 20:57

When dd2 was about 4/5 I may have convinced her I knew the real santa and Santa's wife (huge thank you to my friends who kept it going for ages)
Dd-i love santa to the moon and back and I love Santa's wife to the stars and back
Me-how much do you love me sweetie?
Dd-gives me the funnest look to the end of the street

To think I went through pregnancy and birth for her...

hels71 · 30/01/2025 22:15

DD age 3. " Mummy, if I had three legs, how would I wee? "
Just randomly as we were out for as walk!

BabCNesbitt · 30/01/2025 22:44

We were trying to get DD3 to get used to brushing her own teeth, and after she’d done it once, I said “Oh, now you have lovely shiny white teeth!” “Yes mummy, and you have lovely golden teeth!”

(I have now bought a pot of Eucryl tooth powder 😳)

tommyhoundmum · 02/02/2025 07:21

Mine said "Oh, you're on Mumsnet, you must be a real mum now."

Chirpyeagle · 02/02/2025 07:39

Back in the day when you could give your child a note to go to the shops, I was caught short and the note I gave to my 10 (going on 35) year old daughter was for Always Ultra. “ just give it to the lady in the chemist” said I. Miss know it all shouts up the stairs when she returned . “MUUUUM, they didn’t have Always Ultra so I got you Daz”

JustWalkingTheDogs · 02/02/2025 07:56

We were visiting my brother for the weekend with our parents, my db was mowing the lawn and his 6yr old dd came in, my Mum asked her what she's been doing 'helping dad fix the fucking lawnmower' was her response. A little later on she asked my sil (her dm), 'what are we having for fucking dinner'

JustWalkingTheDogs · 02/02/2025 07:58

Waiting in a queue for the loo somewhere, went into the cubicle and I had a wee, as I was pulling my pants back up, my dd said at the top of her voice 'mummy why do you have a hairy bottom' all I could hear was sniggering outside the cubicle.

ilovemyhamster · 02/02/2025 08:01

My twins were 6 and I was picking them up from after school club. It had been snowing and was very cold so for once I left their big coats on as I strapped them in to their car seats for the short journey home. I didn't adjust the straps and clunked the straps in to the socket thing between their legs. Twin 1 DS says " mummy... that seat belt's a bit fucking tight". Me shocked... pokes my head back in the car and said "excuse me what did you just say?" Twin 2 DD leans forward, looks at me and calmly says "he said his seat belt's a bit fucking tight". I had to take a moment.

IAmTheLittleThings · 02/02/2025 08:03

On a packed bus after school 'Mum, what's a blowjob' 😱 (dd10)
Everyone sniggering but also invested in my answer, I replied that we would discuss it when we got home (and we did)

She had asked her grandparents if they still had sex when she was 6ish.

My bestie was under 5ft, my child (6ish again) wanted to know if she was a dwarf 😂

Boardingschoolmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 08:08

Oh @Craftysue I'm crying 😂😂
my four year old is currently looking out of the window saying ‘not much bird watching today’, yesterday he asked my husband if Christopher Columbus was a skeleton and then ‘was he your dad’

DJrocks · 02/02/2025 08:11

DS was about 3 and we were out in DHs van one day. A driver pulled out in front of us and DH had to slam the brakes on. DS said fuck sake dad.

CheddarCheetah · 02/02/2025 08:20

A conversation I overheard between my DD (2 and a half years old) and OH (names changed!)

OH: Who’s your favourite teacher at nursery?
DD: Corbin
OH: You mean Mrs. Corbin
DD: Alfie (3yo boy she adores) calls her Corbin
OH: Yes but you should call her Mrs. Corbin
… long pause …
DD: Tomorrow I’m going to call her Gobbo
OH: Definitely not

TroysMammy · 02/02/2025 08:21

My niece aged 5 playing with a pen in the shape of a bird adorned with feathers and a hat "you and me, we are going to take over the world". Also out in the car "I like going down hills Auntie, it makes my minnie feel funny".

OldTinHat · 02/02/2025 08:22

I was called into my DC's nursery by the manager to 'have a quick chat'.

Apparently, DC had told them that 'mummy meets men for money'.

I had to explain I ran my own company and had to go to a lot of meetings with clients!

Original poster
Snartie · 02/02/2025 08:27

These are hilarious 😂 loving reading through them all!

OP posts:
AlmostCutMyHairToday · 02/02/2025 08:28

"Mummy can you take a picture of my fart?" (3yr DS, said totally seriously)

Anonanonandon · 02/02/2025 08:51

I used to be a primary teacher and one day my class of 7 year olds were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up.
One girl said that she wanted to be a stripper!
Turns out her parents were redecorating and had hired a steam wallpaper stripper and she thought that it would be a fun job.

soupforbrains · 02/02/2025 09:42

When my DS was about 4 we were having a lazy Sunday together. He loved being in the kitchen so he helped me cook brunch and later after eating we did some baking. When the goodies were in the oven he spotted through the window that our lovely old lady neighbour Dolly was out in her garden and asked if he could go out to play. (Dolly was the brilliant sort of lady who loved getting the kids to help her dig up worms or showing them how to make catapults out of sticks).

Anyway I let him out the front door and he runs over. As I walk away I hear Dolly ask what he’s been up to today. And DS proudly announces

“I’ve been helping mummy make hash brownies”.

we had in fact had hash browns with brunch and then later, made brownies…

Elderflower14 · 02/02/2025 09:49

When Wilf was small he came down one day and he hadn't brushed his hair. I signed to him that he looked like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards.. Due to his autism he slightly misconstrued the meaning. Next day my hair was looking somewhat wild. He came into the kitchen, looked at me and announced by signing "'' Mumma you do have hedgy hair!!"
Over twenty years on and unbrushed hair is still referred to as hedgy hair in our house!! 💕 💕 💕

MixedBananas · 02/02/2025 10:04

DS1 who was 2 years old at the time. Asked how baby will come out of my tummy. I asked him what do you think? DS1 said "Baby brother is going to wriggly out of your belly button like a worm". He then proceeds to lay on the ground and wriggle liie a worm and said "like this".

I never laughed so much in my life.

MixedBananas · 02/02/2025 10:08

ilovemyhamster · 02/02/2025 08:01

My twins were 6 and I was picking them up from after school club. It had been snowing and was very cold so for once I left their big coats on as I strapped them in to their car seats for the short journey home. I didn't adjust the straps and clunked the straps in to the socket thing between their legs. Twin 1 DS says " mummy... that seat belt's a bit fucking tight". Me shocked... pokes my head back in the car and said "excuse me what did you just say?" Twin 2 DD leans forward, looks at me and calmly says "he said his seat belt's a bit fucking tight". I had to take a moment.

Wow that's awful all these small children swearing and being taught this at home and at school. Very concerning behaviour.

Pippyls67 · 02/02/2025 10:16

My 9 year old nephew keeps calling his girlfriend his ‘Gilf’ for short. I’m just trying not to laugh so I don’t have to explain.

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