Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

It’s horrible. I asked when ppl told their team at work they were pregnant. Just wondered what was the norm.
one response ….and it was on the pregnancy forum….why would anyone care. Made me feel like shit.
the baby name forum is also vile.
i think for my own sanity i wont come on here again.

I agree. I’ve been here since time immemorial and only started a handful of threads in the last few years. I was told I was abusive for putting my kids to bed at 8 o’clock. Some people just live to be hyperbolic assholes, I guess. Not sure it’s limited to MN, though.

The baby name forum is so mean isn't it. I've seen my own baby's name been ripped apart on there. Totally unnecessary.

Without seeing the threads you're referring to, it's hard to know whether it was just a case of your not liking the advice given.

Sometimes the truth is the hardest to hear, but it's normally better than false compliments and everyone nodding in agreement.

Also, in and amongst the comments you disliked, were there other comments that you considered kinder?

Sometimes we only remember the harsher ones.

Its a mixed bag. There are people with 0 empathy who judge others. There are those who are genuinely trying to help. There are also some who are completely bonkers like the racist ones that have started popping up more regularly (the Trump/Musk lovers).

I have to say though, I've had some great advice from here a few times that made me make some important decisions. I'll always be grateful for that.

I feel the same on the baby name forum- people tearing down names. My daughters is a ‘well liked’ mumsnet name, but my sons gets ripped to shreds.

I always think there’s a certain way of saying things and you can give an opinion in a nice way.

Some people post on MN just to stick the boot in. I do think it's much worse than it was and it's always had it's fair share of arseholes.

To put it this way, I had private messages on my house thread saying ‘I’m shocked by the responses you are getting please don’t be upset’.

I totally don’t mind opinions, even negative ones as that’s what I asked for. But there is such a difference between saying ‘I personally would prefer this’ to ‘yuk that’s disgusting why would you ever have done that to your house’ or ‘it HAS to be your children, it can’t be any other reason’.

I had threads made about me once for spelling a word incorrectly! Although I can take a joke, it was abit OTT encouraging other posters to pile on knowing there was a very good chance I’d see it. People don’t respond like this irl. They’re little keyboard warriors.

Yep A housing association worker posted on a thread that a visit from a contractor should come above things like a chemo appointment or a funeral

The internet in general has become a place where people behave in petty, cruel and downright criminal ways that they'd never consider irl.

I've been utterly demoralised by it recently. I teach young people who, spurred on by online consumption, behave in the most abhorrent ways without understanding what they're repeating.

Mumsnet is still wonderful at its core. But it's not so easy to find its beating heart behind the rot.

I'm actually quite concerned about it. I've noticed quite a few threads where women's choices and rights are subtly and not so subtly undermined. Also, a really noticeable increase in posts pushing a very conservative agenda of mothers who stay at home, nurseries that are evil, abortion rights can be whittled back. It's insidious and retrograde.

First it got to a point where I wouldn't post about anything I felt vulnerable about. Then it got to the point where you get people laying into posters asking trivial questions. I mostly just read and reply to things when I feel like it but I'm more cynical and guarded.

I haven't been on mumsnet long. I feel that i am not allowed to make a simple spelling mistake. I also defended the op on one thread. Basically i was made to feel stupid by a poster.

It depends - I think you get an insight into peoples ‘private’ view rather than the probably kinder or more measured public voice. So people reveal more of themselves; for instance recently people were talking about those who choose to delay their summer born child’s start and I was surprised how many were negative about it and saw it as a threat to their child or their own parenting decisions. I’ve never met people so mean or competitive in real life, but perhaps I just don’t get to see what people really think!?
i find it helps me in that way as im interested in getting real opinions and perspectives without the social gloss and don’t ever take someone disagreeing with me personally as i dont really care what some stranger on the internet thinks; id rather use evidence based approach to big life decisions - but getting other peoples perspectives almost helps strengthen my arguments if that makes sense as it helps me test my thought process?

baby name wise, I guess you’re asking for what people think so again, they’re sharing their internal reaction which no one would ever say in real life. I guess if you aren’t resilient enough to hear things you don’t like; then don’t ask?

I don’t think it’s ‘mean’ just because someone says something I disagree with though

It is getting worse, people are taking their internal frustrations with themselves out on others. It's not just here it's the internet at large, it's a spiteful place.

I’ve been on mumsnet a while now and it has changed. If your opinion differs from others you are literally set apon. It’s a shame, because everyone being different and have different views should be celebrated really and makes for great debate.

So have I passtherichteas! 🙄

If it's any consolation, my DD is now 30. Her name is still quite unusual in the UK but according to Mnet it's chavvy and horrid. (It's a place name.) I have never asked but a few others who have suggested it have and one poster whose new gentleman friend had a daughter with the same name which the poster found so repulsive it gave her the ick.🤔)

FWIW everyone irl raves about my dd's name and says how pretty it is and how it suits DD so much. (She has SLD so wouldn't know any different).

Bet I would think your DC's name is ♥️.

Been here 20 years on and off, under a lot of different names. Yes, it has got worse, under the guise of straight talking. There is direct and there is cruel. A lot of people seem to be trying to mimic the style of a couple of the original straight talkers, who were to the point, but never unkind about it. The newer ones appear to be all about saying things here that they would never be brave enough to say to someone's face.

The baby names forum is awful! There are people posting whole class lists up and the names being torn apart. Who gave these women the right to be judge jury and executioner over someone else's child?

I think there are some very rude people on here. Especially those who quote your post/reply to someone just to then have a go at you.

There was a thread on there about people's least favourite names..you can imagine how that ended up!
One poster said it was so upsetting that their child's name was on there and that it was a lovely name and how dare people etc etc...then proceeded to state "Now ifjehdhehe is a horrible name!" And gave a load of reasons why. It was my sons name..the ignorance was so breathtaking I had to laugh 😂

*edit- it wouldn't let me post a load of asterisks hence the nonsense

It’s definitely worse now. In the old days it was only AIBU which was a bit tough but now it seems it’s a free for all on most topics. I notice now once one poster is nasty you then get the pile on with others. There’s really no need for it.
And then posters dare say Tattle is vile. I find it much nicer over there tbh.

Yes it has @Soreen123.

I agree with you more and more posts are mean.

Or, just plain stupid - like

1. It's cold out, should I wear a coat?
2. I asked my partner to pass the salt and he ignored me, said he didn't hear me.