Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

Ah my DC thread was not about other children wanting to play with my children it was an adult thing. But the point was people went straight to blaming my children instead of actually giving advice on how I may be able to respond to a situation, and I don’t understand it. These posters don’t know my children, how could they possibly without a doubt say it has to be them that’s the problem.

I got some amazing advice on the house post and I appreciated it, but some of it was awful, so much so others were reporting comments, arguments were kicking off between posters.

I just don’t understand it’s like people are looking to be provocative and saying things they know will cause upset.

Yes, AIBU is one of the worst parts. It's very nature encourages black and white views. But some of the niche, smaller sections do attract more helpful and calmer posters.

I don't have an account on Reddit but do get notifications from time to time about subjects I've read threads on. I find a lot of posts really good quality. I'm some of it is a cess pit if you dig into certain topics but, overall, it's better than I imagined it was.

Yes I think it is. I hide so many threads that I post on because I just cba with the meanness.

I also namechange weekly at least due to the DM.

A quick jaunt to the gender discussion board will show you that it’s absolutely not a liberal echo chamber, the hate on there is more embarrasing than 4chan or Reddit, and at least you could
say those are filled with silly children! Grown adults typing away, totally chuffed that their bigotry is accepted on here. Silly and sad!

I think there are less and less genuine posters now and more trolls/bots, not that we’re allowed to say that - it’s against the rules. Saying that, there are still lots of ladies out there with an awful lot of experience and good advice.
I miss the humour from the earlier years. I miss the feeling of community.

I don't think it's got worse I just think it's always been a place where arseholes can fully express themselves

Yeah, it’s getting worse. I posted multiple times about an issue with a long-term partner, who I do love. There was nothing abusive, just miscommunication/both a bit stuck in our ways. I probably did see some of it as his fault at the time when it was a bit of both.

Was told over and over to LTB/move on ASAP by 90%. We’re now happily (most of the time!) together and he’s been a total rock to me through recent stuff. So have good family and friends.

You have to work out what works for you and trust your gut feeling sometimes. ‘Man hands on misery to man’ as Larkin said. I find having a break from the news is sometimes helpful.

Yes, the humour has definitely taken a holiday. I miss it.

Mumsnet, FB, and X / Twitter - all much worse

@Peeeet Oookkk, so one example of an exception means the overall pattern doesn't apply. Got it. Yep and calling people bigots etc.. ...sort of confirms the pattern.

It’s always been like this - I’ve been on and off for 15 years and there’s always been unpleasant posters on here. What makes me laugh is regularly someone will start a thread asking where an historically deeply unpleasant poster who “just tells it like it is” has gone - banned for being so sneery and dismissive no doubt, but seemingly they're missed, so people obviously enjoy their nasty posts 😁

That said I used to start threads quite often but never would now. Not sure if that’s because people are meaner or because I just can’t be arsed with the inevitable attacks.

Yes! The level of sense of humour bypassed is also noticable.

I agree with this and at risk of sounding tinfoil hat, I wonder if there's a broader agenda. It strikes me as suspicious that Musk is saying he's going to make Europe great again, and an increase in a very conservative type of posting. Social media, discussion forums, none of them are benign anymore (and they haven't been for a long time).

Not sure if it's just trolls 🤔

Anywhere you can be anonymous and hide behind nicknames and name changes encourages that sort of behaviour and you'd be far less likely to behave that way in real life.
Do you remember NM, the nemesis of MNers? I don't think you could name change there and as a result it was much softer (but hated on here for all the "hun" speak).

Years ago I had feeling that someone was stalking me and being negative when I posted so changed my name and didn’t post for a long time. Some odd bods on here but I just ignore now.

I get a lot out of it, but I have also had some upsetting responses. I remember during one of my miscarriages I posted on here that the HCA had hurt me drawing blood at hospital, and I got absolute vitriol from a majority of posters for criticising the HCA. No acknowledgement or understanding that I was in the process of losing a much-wanted baby and utterly distraught. It was absolutely extraordinary.

I'm careful now about what I post and where, and I remember that you will always get some posters who project wildly onto what you say and make all sorts of assumptions to fill in what they don't know about you and your situation. I also find that the more specialist boards are much kinder and more sensitive than AIBU or Chat.

My big bugbear is the dripfeed. Poster makes massive assumption, usually against the OP. OP says that's not correct and gives additional context, obviously not having anticipated that this would be relevant until someone said something that meant it had to be explained. Poster goes nuts and rants about drip feeding. It's a conversation! Conversations develop! Drives me nuts.

There are still some lovely supportive areas, though. I'm currently on a Chat thread about Dry January, where everyone has been incredibly supportive all month, and most of the diet threads are similar, as are other specialist areas such as the various pet forums, most of Style & Beauty and Travel.

I joined in 2004 and one of the first threads I read was asking this very question.
So no. I don't think it's changed. We've always been arseholes .😁

Best thing to do is take the positives and ignore the negatives. It really doesn't matter what strangers on the Internet think of you. It just doesn't. I know it's easy to say but once you believe it then it becomes so much easier to navigate.

I have recently posted on the 'Relationships board' and have had such kind reply's, it has really helped.

But some of the reply's I have seen on AIBU, usually the first poster to reply have been just unnecessarily cruel.

I guess it depends on which board you go to.

I think I saw your housing thread. If it was that one then I posted on it myself and I did apologise in advance as appreciated it’s probably not what you wanted to hear. That everything was new but looked low quality. Which is the worst thing imo when buying a house. No one wants to rip out new stuff and pay a premium for that. I did point out the good parts like the new floor. That looked good quality and very nice.

Would I have said that to a friend face to face. No probably not - you’re right. I would have just said don’t worry I am sure will sell. Blah blah change subject. But that’s not helpful really.

I am assuming you’re going to buy another house and do work again I think it is a valuable opinion to know about so you can maximise profit next time.

Im sorry if it was your thread and I upset you. 🌷

Yes, there are. All of the forums you have mentioned tend to be drama free, fun and supportive.
AIBU is toxic, as are a lot of the active/chat threads.

Yes. I think fundamentally it's still great but there are more antagonistic poster jumping in and thread diverting now.

A thread i recently posted on about H&M Sussex felt like I'd diverted the rabid hounds. An offhand comment became a pile on of catty discredits.

I hid it in the end, MNHQ didn't seem to think it was a problem.

I have a couple of people follow me around here . They post half truths in order to cause a pile on or just to be nasty.

I had to report a couple posts in the last month where I was called vile by a poster and something else (forgotten what) by another all because I made a very obvious joke they decided to take offense at when other posters sent laughing emojis (so couldn't have been that bad) there's some real goady nasty behaviour lately and I have questioned if I want to keep bothering with MN