Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

I hardly ever start a thread on here because there's always some wise-ass with something mean to say, but I still think there's some really lovely, knowledgeable and supportive people on here who genuinely offer good helpful advice. I try to ignore the obvious stroppy arguers. I think this place is a real positive resource for many women.

Same old, won't change.

Don't ask for advice if you don't want it. There's always going to be a range of opinions on a topic, some not so nice.

I have to hide so many more threads from the titles. So clearly started to provoke a rage response rather than genuine discussion.

MN is great for no nonsense advice - which is often what our friends and family are thinking but are too nice to tell us! There are some posters who take that too far but you will find that anywhere online. I definitely wouldn't be posting about something sensitive there, and for the non sensitive stuff I immediately discount advice that's given in a way I wouldn't speak to someone myself (although I can be pretty direct and don't have an issue with that).

I saw your thread about your (lovely) house. There were a few awful posts but you actually got loads of good advice and nice comments too, so focus on them.

It's hard to comment on the post about your DC, but I don't think it's unfair to say that when lots of DC don't want to play with someone there's usually a reason - whether or not they can help it.

You have to take on here for what it is and wade through for the useful posts.

I've been here a long time and I do think it's become a harsher place. There's also a lot more tolerance for racism and classism than there used to be.

There's opinions and then there's being a twat to the OP for the sake of it. Which seems to happen on most threads now.

True, but at least they are ususally easy to spot.

It can be the most horrible place. With the nastiest of people. But… there are amazing people on here too, genuinely. I’ve seen women truly care about others and go above and beyond and it’s really moved me. But… yes, it’s a lot of brutality too.

I don't post new threads any more either. I use the search function and find an old thread that relates to my situation.

Yep. I used to really enjoy some of the conversations I would have on here, but it's getting too difficult to post without being picked apart. There's a couple of usernames that I see regularly and I won't comment on the same threads because they always ruin them.

Full of idiots, man haters, SAHM haters and bitter women trying to break up relationships. Thankfully there are some people who are brave enough to got against the grain and give a sensible advise!

The ivf support threads I am on are very nice.

Most of the relationship advice ones I've seen seem to jump straight to telling people to divorce their partner immediately and telling them they are being abused.

No, it's not got worse OP, it's always been a nest of vipers, especially AIBU and Chat. But it was worth the risk, as at least you could filter the crap out to get at nuggets of wisdom. That said that are pockets of nice and supportive cosiness and advice and wisdom.

What's got worse is that there are now less nuggets of wisdom to be found and so you are left with a whole load of vitriol. So it's got worse in that sense. In addition, the more you scan through, the more that it is incredible how much of a liberal echochamber it is, and how many are infected with TDS and totally brainwashed with the MSM narratives. The demographic and generation shifts are noticeable.

ETA I've been on and off MN over 20years, through various phases/issues of pregnancy, toddler years, schools, expatdom, health, MIL etc.

I agree and I have noticed that any posts written by people who are not particularly good at English Grammar,spelling,punctuation etc are really talked down to by certain posters! It really takes me back to school dealing with the mean girls and it’s not a good feeling.

I hate mumsnet and think that it often wrecks my day and makes me feel like people are horrible. I try to avoid it but due to chronic fatigue and mental health problems I end up on it for sometimes hours a day. I find that people just copy the previous replies and it's pathetic really, like a gang of bullies. There's also a lot of benefits bashing.

I think I've asked for advice just once when I was absolutely desperate and luckily it didn't 'trend'. I did receive some nice replies but they were ultimately unhelpful because other people can't really understand your situation fully. Let's just say that I now have financial security that I never would have had if I'd listened to most of the posters.

I find the transphobia really, really disturbing on here. I (mostly) ignore the threads when they come up in “active”, but I feel embarrassed to tell people IRL that I use the site because of how transphobic it is. I often wonder if I should just switch over to Reddit permanently.

I think, though, that it’s always been full of people angrily shouting “leave the bastard!”

Having said that, on niche boards, I have asked for advice and gotten really good advice. I also like reading trending AIBUs, but usually read all the posters replies and one or two comments.

@Pianooo Reddit is so much nicer and the advice is so much better and well-informed. Unfortunately I find it far less addictive than MN.

I agree reddit is good.

I really dislike the blatant and unchallenged ableism (usually against men with ASD), transphobia and misandry (so many sad cases confuse misandry with feminism). Another weird trend on here is the job snobbery. Anything 'lesser' than working in an office seems to be frowned on. Even being unemployed seems preferable.

Yeh. Ludicrous.

I've been here on and off for donkeys and I think it's still the same - but it depends on the topics.
MN supported me through the toughest time of my life and I'll never forget it.
I avoid AIBU - never liked it.

It's all part of what's becoming the general toxicity of social media. Various contributory factors, Russian and Chinese bot farms, Elon and his mates' tribes of frustrated young men and the oddballs whose main pleasure in life is being vile to people they've never met and never will. Beyond comprehension and do not expect it to improve. This is not the place for reason, if you have genuine questions then probably best to look for genuine help elsewhere.

Honestly I just think a lot people are so unhappy that they take it out on random strangers, and it makes them feel better for a while. People are overly aggressive and often just plain nasty. I think you have to have a pretty thick skin to contribute at all nowadays because any innocuous post can get pounced on and torn apart.

Whereas I see women thoroughly sick of the absolute crap women still put up with from men, especially the men in their lives. The 'MNers say LTB because he left a cup on top of the dishwasher' thing is a myth. But posters do open women's eyes to some horrible and often really seriously abusive situations.

There are absolutely people here who hide behind anonymity/pseudonymity to let the vicious side of themselves out to play. There are also, at the other extreme, people seeking an echo chamber who cry 'nest of vipers' when they ger their views challenged, however reasonably.

One thing that does startle me, as someone who's been here a very long time - as a poster above observes - is the number of posters now who have very narrow-minded, class-ridden and often quite xenophobic views on life and other people. The kind of snobbery I once thought had gone out with the Mitfords is alive and well on here. And the sheer lack of reflection that many show when posting about Americanisms <shudder>, Hiberno-English <shock> and non-standard grammatical constructions <teeth itch>. People don't seem to understand just how much those posts say about their underlying attitudes, and not in a good way.

‘The 'MNers say LTB because he left a cup on top of the dishwasher' thing is a myth.’

Laughable. It absolutely is not.