Is Mumsnet getting worse?

[Soreen123]

I post here from time to time looking for advice when I’m not really sure who to talk to. Some of the responses I have had are just mean.

I recently put my house link up (which I realise- biggest mistake) only to be told by some I must be lying about the parking situation, my house looked ‘council like’, it’s scruffy, clinical, cold, screams millennial. When all I was asking for was a bit of advice.

A few months ago I asked for advice on my children not being included in something and the blame was put on my children that they must be so badly behaved and that parents of badly behaved children will never admit it. I never actually spoke about my children’s behaviour.

Has mumsnet just become a place to lay into others when they feel down or ask for some advice? It seems to have become a place for others to tear others down.

Or is it just the forums I’m on, it’s not just my posts I see it across loads.

That's cos it's clearly grey. The sky I can see is grey so it's physically impossible that the sky you can see is blue.

I think over the last few years, people don't look at which forum an OP has posted and treat everything as if it is in AIBU.

I don’t agree with this — I think sometimes we notice more what we don’t like as I’ve seen very little of this. All I see is how SAHMs are boring, stupid, bad examples to their children and their husbands will all cheat on them leaving them penniless.

I don’t disagree that mumsnet is mainly about women criticising other women these days though!

Something I've noticed on mumsnet is that if someone asks for recommendations for a particular item or brand, some people won't be content to just say which one they find good, they feel they must point out that all others are rubbish apart from their choice. It's quite funny. There's no recognition that different things work for different people.

Generally though, I think people can be awful on mumsnet but it's the same elsewhere on the internet. In fact some place are worse/a lot worse.

But you are, I felt a certain way about my thread, and that’s it. Clearly others did too or they wouldn’t have been reporting it.

Enough now- I’m not offended by you in the slightest. But you were the one who came here to disagree with how I felt about a situation which I just don’t understand how there is value in that.

@Tomatobum whether intentional or not, you are coming across as deliberately argumentative here and turning it into a personal attack on the OP, rather than a general discussion.

The type of posts on MN has deteriorated massively in the last 18 months.

People are hideously nasty and sarcastic now. It's really really unpleasant and downright nasty.

Its definitely morally declined, I feel quite sad when I see posters asking for advice on personal issues baring the souls etc to be ripped apart in the comments over minor things sometimes even just bad grammar! And every sentence over analyzed and picked apart. I've been on Mumsnet a while now so know what to expect but can you imagine how those first time users feel?

Another random example but if you look for teen mum threads there are quite a few support threads for teen mum's to talk to each other but all those threads are twenty/15 years old. Most post 2015 teen mum threads are just threads made to bash teen mum's. This probably applies to a lot of other things too.

Whatever. When you go hunting for the OP's previous posts, and looking for reasons why their threads were deleted, you are making it personal and attacking.

You are accusing her of lying and posting multiple posts replying to the same comment. It seems pretty personal to me, and I am not even her.

OP cannot control what deletion message MN choose to put on a thread.

I won't be replying to you again.

This post illustrates perfectly the issues with MN nowadays.

That someone can be nasty about the fact that someone has a piano in their house is insane.

It's incredible that as they are typing out their bile, that they don't have an internal check on themselves but they don't. They give full vent and it's this sort of thing that is ruining MN.

This. I remember in the early days it was comforting to get different viewpoints and advice when your nursing your babies through the night Mum to Mum. I've seen a massive change over the years. It felt like a safe place to come as a woman to discuss with other women who were Mums. As a first time mum I was very grateful for this. It's doesn't feel like this now and you're not even allowed to say that either. I don't mean this to offend anyone but it fitted a particular need for me personally to feel safe. Of course it's developed into a more open advice forum where everyone regardless of being a Mum or a woman can have their say - but that isn't actually what I needed or sort it out for. I was after that Mum 2 Mum advice I guess what would have happened naturally in the past with extended family female members around you. A gentle hand to guide you as a Mum.

@Tomatobum to be fair to the OP you’re like a dog with a bone. Sometimes it’s best to just let it go.

Interestingly enough this poster was a ‘previously banned poster’- so this is my point of this post, people seemingly now go looking for fault, arguments, the need to put their point across. It feels like people come in on the attack from the get go, of course disagreements naturally will happen but it feels like people just go all in wanting to be controversial.

Why should we just 'accept' that we're going to get ripped apart on AIBU though? It used to be a board where we would get robust opinions/advice, but not the abject nastiness and pile-ons we get today. Why is that in any way accepted? We just perpetuate the unpleasant and non-constructive nature of a large number of responses on AIBU if we just hand-wave it away with "Well, that's what it's like on there. Deal with it."

It's frankly embarrassing that we don't expect better.

I get us regular Mumsnet users know what to expect on aibu so would never truly bare our souls on there and if we did we'd meticulously make sure every word was spelled correctly.

I really feel for first time posters who have no idea about that absolute slaughtering they are about to receive especially when they are already going through a rough enough time dealing with whatever issue they've posted about.
Not everyone is mentally in a good space and I can imagine some people would actually harm themselves after that. Its made worse by the fact you can't simply delete a thread.

I got ripped to pieces for daring to suggest that I didn't like a certain city in the UK. That was my experience of it - I hate it and will never go back - I got all the "But haven't you visited X, Y or Z in that city", "You must be stupid if you don't like this element of it" etc etc

I wish posters would realise that this is a forum where things are discussed and people give their opinions on them. Their opinions may differ from yours but that doesn't make them wrong.

Fair enough. But this is exactly what I mean about undermining women's choices in a very insidious way. All this leaves women feeling destabilised, as if they are getting it wrong, whatever they do. Leaving them more vulnerable to staying in situations that are not conducive to their own wellbeing or even safety let alone a situation in which anyone could thrive.

This could be a controlling relationship with a man, but it could also be a situation with an employer where the right to family life is not respected and there is an expectation of working long or unsociable shifts covered by childcare that isn't meeting the needs of a baby.

We can all have different values and hopes for ourselves and our family lives. Children will grow up differently and yes, some will be happier at times, others less happy. The balance may shift.

And when things become black and white and polarised, with differences or different choices, whatever they are, being labelled as bad, when choices are demonised and freedom of choice, betond abusive choices, is restricted by law or soft and insidious messaging, then I start to worry.