I can't stand this no more

[icantstandthis]

Literally as the title says.

My husband thinks he's the bloody king of the universe. He's a bloody barrister not a world leader.

I am a qualified biomedical scientist but never worked in the field as Covid hit the year I qualified then I was pregnant twice so been out of the working world for a while. I'm not thick but Jesus Christ he tells me I am.

He apparently knows everything! I am always wrong.

Any opinion or idea I have on absolutely anything is wrong and he loves to tell me why. I've given up answering back and just say 'oh ok' and then his rants continue. This is on any topic from wall painting to current affairs. He even apparently knows more about women's makeup than I do and what looks good and what doesn't.

But do you know what really grates on me? It's the constant criticism and name calling.

The house will always be spotless when he comes home and he will say Why is this random wet item of clothing here on the stairs?.... it's obvious I've clearly taken the washing out the washing machine and dropped it and not realised. His response will always then be 'can't do anything right can you', 'fuck me your thick as they come' etc

Dinners not ready bang on 7pm when he walks in the door it will be 7:20pm. His response is 'how thick can you be, you know I get in at 7pm! Some of us work'.
Well tough cookies the children were messing about in the bath having fun so dinners a bit late

You get the jist

Do you know what's also fun about my husband is his damn paranoia. Any text message I get he reads and then questions me on it. Even messages from my mum which always end with his telling me whoever has text me is a psycho or a freak when my mum and or friends are all normal nice people.

Then he just pesters me for sex every single day! When I say no. He responds with 'I can't even stand the look of you'. Typical mind games

Arrgggghhhh I could scream.

What he doesn't know is thick little me has a new job lined up in May when my year maternity leave is over. What he also doesn't know is when my nan passed away in October she left me a decent amount to get a solid deposit down. What he also doesn't know is that I've spoken with my mum and she has said for me and the children to live with her for a few months once I start my new job and once I've been there long enough I can apply for a mortgage then so I will get one. What he also doesn't know is I'm divorcing his sorry ass but I'm playing it smart.

Just needed a rant

Op, you sound incredibly strong about this. It was great to see that you wrote that you're in your powerful era. Please hang on to that.
I have felt the same power deep in my belly and fuelled by indignation and rage at the way I was being treated. You have suffered a trauma though and the danger is that you don't act before you lose the fire in your belly and a need to rest and recuperate sets in.

I don't know if anyone has already suggested it but I would suggest downloading or listening to Lundy Bancroft if you are able. He spells out the modus operandi of these controlling men and what motivates them.

It's likely that you'll next be in a cycle of lovebombing next and start to question whether what you experienced was really that bad. That he's learning from his mistakes etc and he probably will try to get you to feel sorry for him.
Therefore, please play your cards close to your chest for as long as you can in offer to delay these mind games.

He will try to make our he's not really like that. That he's had a blip of mental illness etc. Do not let any of that bullshit in. Keep talking to your family and let them remind you of the bad times when he starts to try to get you to recall the good and magical times.

Sending you more strength and fire for building a good life with your children.

I was going to say about having your inheritance in you Mum's name but you already have, well done.

This ⬆️ if you buy another house whilst still married it is an asset he can potentially come after. This happened to a friend of a friend when they were selling their house and it held everything up until the divorce was finalised.

P.s Bloody good for you op. Onwards and upwards for you and your dc ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Also don't buy the house until you are divorced,

@BrickBiscuit please stop with the incorrect legal advice.
If this is a genuine thread the op could now be concerned her mum could get into trouble.
No money has been given and any verbal intent is not binding. There is no fraud.
Plenty of parents give money to their divorced children to make life easier. It's just subject to IHT.

The poster also needs to be aware the stbexh will try to bring in a friend who specialises in divorce. Most don't like getting involved with friends. It will be Billy Big Bollocks he was at uni with.
Choose your solicitor wisely. There's a great one in Cheltenham, First name B.

Ironically inheriting directly and keeping a separate non-marital account would have been safer. If mum's gifting comes to light in investigation or disclosure, it could be claimed as marital.

What a cretin, at work I have dealt with a number of Counsel and a significant number of them would suck their own cocks if they could reach, they love themselves that much. Good for you OP dumping his sorry arse

Why wait ? Just leave now

Have the house bought in your Mum's name perhaps, or Estate of Grandma - talk to someone legal.

Nobody called it fraud. It's a can of worms that could have been avoided by knowing the difference between marital and non-marital assets and the existence of the Probate Registry.

Just about to come on and say LTB but can see you are!! Get those ducks in a row op.

A fantastic advantage of him being a barrister is that he is self employed, and he can’t hide his income.

Good luck OP

I've never met him but l hate him - sounds like a right obnoxious twat!!

Good for you op!!!

I would seriously recommend seeking legal advice promptly. As the money is on paper your mum's, do not under any circumstances mention this money will be given to you to your solicitor. You need to go to your solicitor in a financially vulnerable position. As your solicitor is an officer of the court, first and foremost, they have a duty to the court, so would have to disclose your assets. I wouldn't mention it at all.

You'd be better off leaving him now, before your job and any house purchase.

Good luck @icantstandthis he sounds horrific. So glad you have made a plan 🙌

Yaaaayyy I'm so glad you have a way out.

Thankfully you’re talking nonsense.

I was relieved at the end of your post to hear you plan on leaving! I hope you have changed a few details and if not do consider deleting this point in case he reads this!

A few quick things - you do work, you raise the kids, clean the house, cook and all to a crazy high standard. Think how many hours a day are centred around your partner and your kids - you likely work more hours than him. Legally the joint account money is both of yours, he could not work and earn money if he had to mind the kids himself.

In this light I would say start copying everything - bank statements and anything related to finance, shares, pensions and property. Leave the evidence in your mums, try and do a proper deep dive! Men like him hide money. My own dad kept his cash in a shoe box in the house (found it once as a kid - several thousand stashed at the top of our games cupboard) and after they separated and my dad claimed poverty which my mum’s awful lawyer didn’t challenge (even the judge said he had never encountered anyone in my dad’s profession who earned that little). One day my mum was helping with something and found a file that showed he had racehorses, shares etc… in his name from before they were separating. He was also friends with the estate agent who sold the house and over a year after it was sold my mum was telling someone what it sold for the friend told her it couldn’t be right as she had made an offer on the house which was turned down for being too low and it was 33% higher than the registered house sale amount (she could not understand why it had sold for such a low price). My mum had an awful lawyer and she had no fight left at the time but she regretted not getting better evidence and a better lawyer.

As someone else said if your mum has space you should maybe think about moving to hers before May! It’s a long time to share a house with someone who treats you like that and you will have more support living at your mums where no one expects you to wash sofas!

Can no one read? It is with her Mum! It’s actually not OP’s inheritance at all. It’s her Mother’s and she has agreed to give the OP a chunk.

The DH will never need to know about it, nor will any solicitor. It’s basically a mum gifting her daughter 100k (or whatever the figure) when it’s all settled and over.

As you very clearly have a google law degree, stop

Good for you! He sounds awful!

No, but I use specialist advisers when necessary.

@Haroldwilson called it fraud.

Ah ok, so thanks for confirming YOU have no qualifications. Helps the OP

You haven't read all of the post have you?

@Guineapiggywiggy we called armchair lawyers Rumpoles whilst I was at university.

The probate register will show the mother inherited. Nowt about a later intention to gift anything.
The ops savvy nan and mum seem to have had the husband's number.

Just for clarity I'm not a lawyer but my family are. It is an offence to protend to be legally qualified.