I can't stand this no more

[icantstandthis]

Literally as the title says.

My husband thinks he's the bloody king of the universe. He's a bloody barrister not a world leader.

I am a qualified biomedical scientist but never worked in the field as Covid hit the year I qualified then I was pregnant twice so been out of the working world for a while. I'm not thick but Jesus Christ he tells me I am.

He apparently knows everything! I am always wrong.

Any opinion or idea I have on absolutely anything is wrong and he loves to tell me why. I've given up answering back and just say 'oh ok' and then his rants continue. This is on any topic from wall painting to current affairs. He even apparently knows more about women's makeup than I do and what looks good and what doesn't.

But do you know what really grates on me? It's the constant criticism and name calling.

The house will always be spotless when he comes home and he will say Why is this random wet item of clothing here on the stairs?.... it's obvious I've clearly taken the washing out the washing machine and dropped it and not realised. His response will always then be 'can't do anything right can you', 'fuck me your thick as they come' etc

Dinners not ready bang on 7pm when he walks in the door it will be 7:20pm. His response is 'how thick can you be, you know I get in at 7pm! Some of us work'.
Well tough cookies the children were messing about in the bath having fun so dinners a bit late

You get the jist

Do you know what's also fun about my husband is his damn paranoia. Any text message I get he reads and then questions me on it. Even messages from my mum which always end with his telling me whoever has text me is a psycho or a freak when my mum and or friends are all normal nice people.

Then he just pesters me for sex every single day! When I say no. He responds with 'I can't even stand the look of you'. Typical mind games

Arrgggghhhh I could scream.

What he doesn't know is thick little me has a new job lined up in May when my year maternity leave is over. What he also doesn't know is when my nan passed away in October she left me a decent amount to get a solid deposit down. What he also doesn't know is that I've spoken with my mum and she has said for me and the children to live with her for a few months once I start my new job and once I've been there long enough I can apply for a mortgage then so I will get one. What he also doesn't know is I'm divorcing his sorry ass but I'm playing it smart.

Just needed a rant

I was going to post the same as @May09Bump. I would ask for your thread to be deleted asap. If you have given your real professions and other details and given your H’s behaviour, it would be very unwise to let this thread stand.

Jesus he sounds absolutely vile!! You’re definitely doing the right thing, obviously some men think they’re the bees knees if they work and class us as doing nothing when in actual fact we don’t stop but the name calling in this case is massively abusive, he just sounds vile, who would even want that and then to sleep with it too, No Thanks, good luck with your future well away from him……….

Ah yes you go girl!! Wipe that smug smile of his face, reading the last bit of your post made feel so proud of you!!... wipe the floor with him!

Good for you OP!!!

Wishing you much happiness and success in the months to come! I wish we could see a picture of his face when you hand him the divorce papers!!

I haven't read the whole thread, but I agree with those who support your exit strategy and also suggest that you ask MN to remove this thread. There is too much in it that could reveal your identity, even if your H wasn't the nasty, paranoid man you describe. I wish you well for the future and hope that you and your DC are happy in your new life.

He can't see your good characteristics any more and he is rude and selfish and taking you for granted. Also he seems very controlling. And you are unable to see anything good in him right now. However he must have had some good points for you to settle with him and have two children with him.
I think it is important to check if anything can be saved from your relationship. Every divorce with children involved harms them, their views of relationships and conflict resolution and their future chances of having happy, responsible, lasting partner relationships. As a court mediator I've seen this happening often.

Did you ever suggest seeing a councillor together? Because it seems your communication patterns are very strained and you have stopped sharing your views because of his self-centred behaviour and his ridicule of your views. "Checking out" and starting a new life elsewhere is not the preferred way to handle relationship problems and your own incapability (or giving up) to state your needs. In any (new) relationship you will have it is important to be able to discuss your own needs, your norms of acceptable behaviour and what you want from your partner and your relationship.

There 's a but here: Did he sweep you of your feet in the beginning of your relationship? Was he very eager, and romantic, &c? Giving you presents, complimenting you, wanting to be with you every minute? Because that might be part of a classic pattern. And then you should read up on this: love bombing and domestic abuse. Controlling behaviour, undermining your self-respect etc are forms of domestic abuse - so that part is present right now. Of course, without any feed back he isn't likely to change that.

But he could also be a very insecure male, trying to feel superior at home eg because he isn't superior in his job. So of he was nice at first and is now compensating at home for his job life, he might be able to change. He might regain any positive traits and behaviours which you saw at the beginning of your relationship.