I can't stand this no more

[icantstandthis]

Literally as the title says.

My husband thinks he's the bloody king of the universe. He's a bloody barrister not a world leader.

I am a qualified biomedical scientist but never worked in the field as Covid hit the year I qualified then I was pregnant twice so been out of the working world for a while. I'm not thick but Jesus Christ he tells me I am.

He apparently knows everything! I am always wrong.

Any opinion or idea I have on absolutely anything is wrong and he loves to tell me why. I've given up answering back and just say 'oh ok' and then his rants continue. This is on any topic from wall painting to current affairs. He even apparently knows more about women's makeup than I do and what looks good and what doesn't.

But do you know what really grates on me? It's the constant criticism and name calling.

The house will always be spotless when he comes home and he will say Why is this random wet item of clothing here on the stairs?.... it's obvious I've clearly taken the washing out the washing machine and dropped it and not realised. His response will always then be 'can't do anything right can you', 'fuck me your thick as they come' etc

Dinners not ready bang on 7pm when he walks in the door it will be 7:20pm. His response is 'how thick can you be, you know I get in at 7pm! Some of us work'.
Well tough cookies the children were messing about in the bath having fun so dinners a bit late

You get the jist

Do you know what's also fun about my husband is his damn paranoia. Any text message I get he reads and then questions me on it. Even messages from my mum which always end with his telling me whoever has text me is a psycho or a freak when my mum and or friends are all normal nice people.

Then he just pesters me for sex every single day! When I say no. He responds with 'I can't even stand the look of you'. Typical mind games

Arrgggghhhh I could scream.

What he doesn't know is thick little me has a new job lined up in May when my year maternity leave is over. What he also doesn't know is when my nan passed away in October she left me a decent amount to get a solid deposit down. What he also doesn't know is that I've spoken with my mum and she has said for me and the children to live with her for a few months once I start my new job and once I've been there long enough I can apply for a mortgage then so I will get one. What he also doesn't know is I'm divorcing his sorry ass but I'm playing it smart.

Just needed a rant

Just wanted to say that you're fucking awesome - well done OP, you've played a blinder

Could I suggest mail redirection to your mothers house now just to make sure you catch the acknowledgment letter from Royal Mail

Barrister and a scientist you say?

OP, good plan, best of luck! Reminded me of my own exit about 20 years ago, except I had zero family in the country, apart from little DD. I could not do anything official like a bank account without him knowing. I was squirrelling cash away in a sock, rolled up, kept in the clean bedding stash, and eventually escaped with DD holding my hand and a little bag of clothes for her, including that sock, in another. Started life from scratch at 30 and love it now. One advice, if this is practically possible with how your money is spent now from his income - start a little stash of things that you keep at your mums but will help with your new life - extra clothes for DD age+1 year, toothpaste, shampoo, tampons, laundry detergent - whatever will help with your daily spend later and will not cause suspicions / can go unnoticed in terms of spend now. Make sure to keep it your mums or elsewhere, in case you can’t access it a home.

And the lack of punctuation, "your thick", jist....🤔

Yes. Interesting.

"So why on earth are you with him and have children with him?", chided the fairy with a hard stare. The elf, with her mystical ability to read the future in the trees ought to have known better, just as the fairy would.

"Just leave him" she added and with that, the fairy gave a wave of her wand and the elf felt herself lifted through the ether to a better life with a steady income and a comfortable home with room for all of her children. Phew!

Don't you sound delightful🙄

Good luck OP. You can do it, you owe it to yourself to have a new life x

this 100%

unwise to wait till you have an income, even if your inheritance is in your mums account.

especially if you have a place to stay, leave now, file for divorce now and go for max maintenance.

or at least talk to a solicitor whats the best way timing wise

As he sounds like the type to not take this without a fight . You may want to try and record some of the abuse .
Nanny cam or voice recording and such.
As I bet everyone who knows him outside off your house thinks he is lovely .
Good luck with everything .

As others have said, please try and record the abuse. Be careful doing so, not sure if there is a way to put a baby monitor in your living room and record on another phone the monitor, in the childrens room, he will probably accuse you of being an idiot for ‘forgetting’ to move it back to the childrens room, then it will pick up everything.

Let me guess he is a useless parent too? So it would be you that would need to go back into the children’s room

think about deleting this post. For him if he snoops and finds it, and just incase a pathetic daily mail journalist with nothing better to do publishes it (as they have done with a few mn stories recently), which could scupper your escape plans.

But do come back and tell us when you escape and share all the details of this worm of a mans reaction! Good luck

Perhaps the poster's first language isn't English or they are dyslexic?

Good luck OP and just to add your mother can give you what money she likes after you are legally separated. She just needs to live seven years to reduce IHT.

My law professor defined a Barrister as a person who gets paid to fight everyday!
Perhaps that fits for your husband.

All power to you OP. He sounds vile. I think you need to delete this entire thread in case he gets wind of it. You’ve come this far - don’t let him find an opportunity to destroy your future plans. Good luck!

Given that he has form for invading your privacy, it might be wise to be extra discrete about your plans - perhaps ask MN to move this post to the 'other place' or delete for now - he's either going to recognise your description of him or be tracking your online stuff. Stay safe.

It sounds to me that what you are describing is verbal and emotional abuse x

I would walk, in a heartbeat. He does not respect you, in fact he appears to resent you.

If he is a barrister, he will be acutely aware of the financial implications of a divorce.

Leave.

Agreed - best to hide that - leave it with your mum for now?

She is

Agreed, and also legally incorrect. The joint account is marital, no matter what proportion each contributed. And the 'inheritance' may have become marital by mum keeping it for her; the other side will pull Nan's will and question what happened.
As others have said, delete the thread. Daily Mail Online publish interesting MN threads in detail. Even starting an 'other place' thread may mean people repeating the outing information.

It won't. It wasn't in the will. It was verbal

Plus separate houses and lives . Don't put up with this rubbish. Is he ironically a divorce lawyer? x

Get advice from a solicitor re money and finances as soon as possible
when you get divorced you need a clean break form signed otherwise he could come for half the new house either now or when you sell it later down the line
and you’ll be required to fill out form E which is financial disclosure.

good luck tho

The question will be did any siblings or cousins etc inherit and why didn't the OP, and so on. If the worst happens to mum, why did she disproportionately endow the OP? Or will her eventual 'gifts' to OP be an IHT liability? Ironically, being upfront would have probably been safer.