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I can't stand this no more

256 replies

icantstandthis · 26/01/2025 01:43

Literally as the title says.

My husband thinks he's the bloody king of the universe. He's a bloody barrister not a world leader.

I am a qualified biomedical scientist but never worked in the field as Covid hit the year I qualified then I was pregnant twice so been out of the working world for a while. I'm not thick but Jesus Christ he tells me I am.

He apparently knows everything! I am always wrong.

Any opinion or idea I have on absolutely anything is wrong and he loves to tell me why. I've given up answering back and just say 'oh ok' and then his rants continue. This is on any topic from wall painting to current affairs. He even apparently knows more about women's makeup than I do and what looks good and what doesn't.

But do you know what really grates on me? It's the constant criticism and name calling.

The house will always be spotless when he comes home and he will say Why is this random wet item of clothing here on the stairs?.... it's obvious I've clearly taken the washing out the washing machine and dropped it and not realised. His response will always then be 'can't do anything right can you', 'fuck me your thick as they come' etc

Dinners not ready bang on 7pm when he walks in the door it will be 7:20pm. His response is 'how thick can you be, you know I get in at 7pm! Some of us work'.
Well tough cookies the children were messing about in the bath having fun so dinners a bit late

You get the jist

Do you know what's also fun about my husband is his damn paranoia. Any text message I get he reads and then questions me on it. Even messages from my mum which always end with his telling me whoever has text me is a psycho or a freak when my mum and or friends are all normal nice people.

Then he just pesters me for sex every single day! When I say no. He responds with 'I can't even stand the look of you'. Typical mind games

Arrgggghhhh I could scream.

What he doesn't know is thick little me has a new job lined up in May when my year maternity leave is over. What he also doesn't know is when my nan passed away in October she left me a decent amount to get a solid deposit down. What he also doesn't know is that I've spoken with my mum and she has said for me and the children to live with her for a few months once I start my new job and once I've been there long enough I can apply for a mortgage then so I will get one. What he also doesn't know is I'm divorcing his sorry ass but I'm playing it smart.

Just needed a rant

OP posts:
Yogaatsunrise · 26/01/2025 06:25

Everyone has a breaking point. You have just reached yours now.
The surge of positivity comes from inside, because you are finally standing up for yourself, it is relief that something will be done now to end this misery.

Your dh is intimidated by your intellect, intimated by your beauty regardless of what he says. Intimidated by your power to create life. Intimidated in your presence so be puts you down to keep you in your place, because you are too good for him, and he knows it.

It comes from a place of extreme low self worth and self esteem. This doesn’t help you or make him a more appealing prospect to share the one precious life you have, but it might help to know his behaviour does not come from a position of strength. Quite the reverse.

It is time to take back your power, take back your life and kick the low life into the long grass. Your new life starts here.

WishinAndHopin · 26/01/2025 06:39

icantstandthis · 26/01/2025 01:50

No it's joint account but honestly I have come to bed tonight and kicked him on the sofa. I'm in my powerful era and truth be told all I'll do is open a new bank account. There's no money of mine in the account I work 1 day a week in a library before maternity leave so there's no money to take

Make sure you take whatever you can out of the joint account. Maybe start siphoning bits out then take half (though you’re legally entitled to take all) when you leave.

JeSuisUnePommeDeTerre · 26/01/2025 06:52

The first half of your post had me feeling angry on your behalf, what a dick your H is!
The second half had me feeling proud 💐You seem to be very smart, getting yourself away from his toxic self.
Good luck!

Calliekins · 26/01/2025 06:56

Wishing you all the best, doing the right thing for you and your children. Sad to think he can treat his wife and the mother of his children the way he does, he will realise his loss one day!

JaneAustensHeroine · 26/01/2025 06:56

I am so pleased you have a plan and a bit of money to help you on your way. Having a sum of money stashed away and family who will happily have you live with them temporarily is a lifesaver in these circumstances. Wishing you well with your new job too! 💐

healthybychristmas · 26/01/2025 06:57

I am really glad you are getting out of this but I don't know why you're not going today. He sounds absolutely shocking.

2021x · 26/01/2025 06:57

Well done OP. Rant away

Onwards and upwards and all that.

TennisToday · 26/01/2025 07:03

If the money has been left to your mum but she’s going to give it to you I wouldn’t do this till after the divorce and live with her till that point. Definitely get legal advice now.

FamilyPhoto · 26/01/2025 07:03

You are amazing @icantstandthis , vent away all you want.
And to the Why are you with him brigade - they make sure you are in some way trapped before they show their true colours - either financially or by having children ( mine persuaded me to enter a finance deal for a leather suite.) I was 19. We were going to pay it off together. He made 1 payment ect. When I left 9 months later I also took the suite, left the money for his payment.

Titasaducksarse · 26/01/2025 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He's a domestic abuser.

Yogaatsunrise · 26/01/2025 07:06

Yes keep the money in your mums account until after the divorce. Your blessed nanny wanted that to be your exit fund, what a wonderfully kind thing to do.

ByBrickEagle · 26/01/2025 07:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 26/01/2025 07:08

Good for you. I wish you all the best for a peaceful house and life away from that arsehole. I don't like dropping my kids at XH house, but it feels amazing to be driving away from him and knowing I'm heading to a home he won't be in. Enjoy the well earned peace from him.

Chonk · 26/01/2025 07:10

How is he reading your text messages? You need to be very careful he doesn't also read this.

GreatGardenstuff · 26/01/2025 07:20

Well done you, for serving him what he deserves, and for being smart about it too.

Cantgetausername87 · 26/01/2025 07:21

This is bloody brilliant! Just please keep boxing clever. He mustn't know your plans or his awful behaviour may escalate x

Pickledpoppetpickle · 26/01/2025 07:22

Please take care to keep your plans from him and to secure your long term safety. This kind of man can be so very dangerous.

Loads of love and luck for the future xxx

Lanawashington · 26/01/2025 07:24

This thread is the most perfect example I’ve ever seen of posters who are SO desperate to stick the boot in to the OP that they can’t even be bothered to actually read the post

Good for you OP, I hope everything works out for you and that you are much happier without him!

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 07:26

Hell yeah you're smart. I'm so pleased I read to the end of your post

PrincessFluffyPants · 26/01/2025 07:27

@icantstandthis So much admiration for you, keep strong. We will all be rooting for you!

VotingForYourself · 26/01/2025 07:28

Chonk · 26/01/2025 07:10

How is he reading your text messages? You need to be very careful he doesn't also read this.

Good point

lifebow · 26/01/2025 07:32

Hi OP, He's a dangerous man. I would worry about this being seen and remove for your safety.

It's absolutely amazing what you've done, please be mindful as a barrister it's likely he will have the network to find out the best family solicitor and then family barrister if needed. I know many barristers and it's not hard to believe your husband is like this.

Please consider removing this post. Do get your own legal advice asap, just as a belt and braces exercise.

Haroldwilson · 26/01/2025 07:32

Yogaatsunrise · 26/01/2025 07:06

Yes keep the money in your mums account until after the divorce. Your blessed nanny wanted that to be your exit fund, what a wonderfully kind thing to do.

This would be fraud

Pigsinblankets13 · 26/01/2025 07:35

He sounds like a prize wanker. Good for you OP. All the best for your new beginnings!

Haroldwilson · 26/01/2025 07:36

if he monitors your phone, get a cheap second secret one (or get your mum to get it) and create a new email address. Use this to contact women's aid, solicitors, take pics of key documents etc.

Just being able to survive is good but depending how long you've been together, you could claim on his savings and pension etc. Or at least claim enough to balance out his claim on your inheritance.

Have a plan for child contact, he's likely to use this to get at you, could you do it through a third party?