Why not married with children no career- i don't understand

[Stressedgiraffe]

I know this will be inflammatory.
I got married at 27 .first child 29 second child 31.
I worked nanny's/ childminder then school childminders/after school nanny's.
There have been periods when I've been a sahm.

But we have worked as a team.
Now teenagers my dh is unable to work.
I can support everyone.
I pay for everything as he did when I was a sahm.
Difference is ill be doing this for the rest of my life.
You need a fall back. You may have a high earner. My dh earned £100k a year then nothing.due to disability.
You need to think about being able to support your family.
Before anyone pilles on we have a seviourly autistic child who can never leave home.

This sounds tough and a worry for you.
Firstly make sure you have some sort of insurance, just in case something affects your ability to work.
Has your husband looked into Access to work, government funded support to help people with disabilities or health conditions gain employment or remain in work. There are also Disability employment advisers in job centres who can advise. Good luck.

I agree but I didn't start a thread criticising people who don't get married and give up their career. My point really was people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Its not a criticism to say that people who have children and give up their career while having children leave themselves in a very precarious position should something change in their relationship or life circumstances.

A teacher? With that badly spelled almost nonsensical OP? .

You still warm very well. You seem to have had no insurance, no income protection, no mortgage protection....you've made terrible choices but somehow you're still earning twice the average wage. Lucky.

So why isn't your post about 'why don't people set up appropriate pensions and insurances and savings to cushion against sudden illness or unemployment - I don't understand'

I doubt someone who has had cancer twice is going to get income protection insurance.

I think what it means is why are you not married when you have children and why don’t you have a career - basically what’s your fall back plan if things don’t work out.

Sorry OP. sounds like you’ve had a really tough time

I do. It's caveated of course, and not as much as it could be but I've got it.

How old are you now OP (about)?

One of your problems is the housing rent. If you'd got a mortgage at the outset and critical illness cover it would have helped significantly. Not a criticism, just a way of avoiding paying out 'dead money' for a whole lifetime.

I do and so does my husband

What happens when the husband has an affair and leaves the SAHM?

I think multiple income streams are important but that doesn’t necessarily mean two people working. There are different kinds of financial planning.

Not all husbands have affairs on a SAHM.

This thread would have meant a lot more if it had been about a back up plan for if the marriage broke up (for whatever reason). You can insure against loss of income due to health or disability, you can get generous life insurance. The only thing you can't insure against is the end of the relationship.

You can insure against it, by having legal rights in marriage, and by having a career to fall back on

So you were warning £170k between you and didn’t save? Did you not think about future care for your autistic child! Financial advice is always to take out insurance in case you are unable to work and perhaps that is the lesson for everyone from this post. We also had insurance on me as SAHM to cover help with childcare should anything happen to me. Insurance feels like paying for nothing until you need to make a claim.

Which would be the point of the discussion - what you're risking if you don't have the ability to get out into the workforce if you need to. It's the only thing you can't get cover for, so you need to make sure you don't need the man's income without a plan.

If your husband was also working FT who would care for your autistic child in the school holidays, after school etc? I work part time because there are no childcare options around here that would accommodate my ND children.

If you have a sahp make sure you insure them too, not only the earner.

My friends wife died when the children were very young and she was uninsured because she didn't earn anything. my friend then had to cut back his hours somewhat as he felt it was important his children saw a parent every day, this meant he didnt get so many bonuses and he had to a hire a full time nanny. This meant they had to sell the family home as he could no longer afford the mortgage plus a nanny wage on a reduced income. .

You can only get a SAHP life insurance. You can't get them income insurance on an income that doesn't exist.

But I assume life insurance would have paid off the mortgage? It's still insurance that they didn't have, that would have helped.

Life insurance will pay the mortgage if you have taken out enough life insurance to cover it. You need more than that though.

Would be pretty difficult to support a family on a “jobs” wage.