Why not married with children no career- i don't understand

[Stressedgiraffe]

I know this will be inflammatory.
I got married at 27 .first child 29 second child 31.
I worked nanny's/ childminder then school childminders/after school nanny's.
There have been periods when I've been a sahm.

But we have worked as a team.
Now teenagers my dh is unable to work.
I can support everyone.
I pay for everything as he did when I was a sahm.
Difference is ill be doing this for the rest of my life.
You need a fall back. You may have a high earner. My dh earned £100k a year then nothing.due to disability.
You need to think about being able to support your family.
Before anyone pilles on we have a seviourly autistic child who can never leave home.

Only

Your making no sense

Your income went from £100k to £70k between your husband working full time to now you working full time ?

Yh it's a drop but aslong as your insured if something happens to you & have secure tenancy you should be ok

I don't quite understand what this thread is about and what the OPs circumstances have to do with a career 🤷

So you're not a nanny then?

What's the point of this post?

You lost me at 'only £70k' sorry op.

I don't understand the point of your post, OP. Your husband worked, then got ill so you now work instead? Good for you I guess. Interested to know what you do to earn 70k having previously been a nanny/child minder...

I used to be a teacher pre children. I have mentioned nanny/childminder post children i changed into IT. Now I'm an IT trainer.

You say you’ve only ever worked in childcare but are earning £70k which is roughly double the national average wage! So hardly a bad wage. If your husband is disabled surely he gets PIP? When working why was he not paying into a pension and planning for his future? If you think it’s hard now wait until you retire and he only has his state pension and you have your state and work pensions which I doubt will come to anywhere near 4k. Be grateful you have a well paid job!

That sounds really hard OP, sorry you're in that situation.

It really highlights the need for sound financial planning and critical illness insurance.

Life Assurance, if you don’t have it I suggest you take it out now. If one partner dies you only get a percentage of their pension.

Something else to think of to protect your family‘s future: make sure school knows that your kids sometimes have extra responsibilities. That will be counted towards them when it comes to Uni applications etc

We have life insurance and critical illness cover, we also both have a good defined benefit pension and in your husband's circumstances would be entitled to ill health retirement.
You criticise people who don't work, don't marry but your financial choices as a couple were also irresponsible and resulted in you losing your home. In your circumstances my mortgage would be paid off.

Did you change career after your husband stopped working or were you already training or working in IT at that point? How long did it take from starting work in IT to earning 70k?

I ask because you say everyone should have a fallback. To me, this implies something already in place. Are you saying this because you didn't have one and had to change path and work to where you are now?

You criticise people who don't work, don't marry but your financial choices as a couple were also irresponsible and resulted in you losing your home. In your circumstances my mortgage would be paid off.

I don’t see criticism, I see the OP warning that the decisions you make when everyone is healthy can go badly wrong when the wheels come off.

Only.... you're still doing better than a lot of people.

Everyone needs a plan B these days. Being an adult isn't much fun sometimes.

Would you mind sharing with the rest of us teachers the details of this new job that a teacher can stroll into and be on £70k? I dream of that kind of money.

Op you are dead right to bring this up! This happens ALOT!
My sil lost everything.
She had a beautiful house, lifestyle and children - not a care in the world. My brother had cancer - they found it too late and he died at 52 and she lost everything. It was horrendous.
She is not the only one.

Retraining, upskilling whilst you can and having a plan B is essential, even if you have life assurance (which didn’t pay out on a technicality)

Life can be very hard when the shit hits the fan you need to have the foresight and skills to deal with any eventuality.

I hope you are also taking care of yourself op. Don’t run yourself into the ground. Especially if you have had cancer as well. Take time out to rest, for reflection and self care xx

I cant stress enough the importance of critical illness insurance. My dh has always been the far higher earner so he had this policy. When he got diagnosed with a brain tumour it was a huge relief to get our mortgage paid off.

She said she's an IT trainer now.

Unless the insurance company were looking for a way not to pay and you were unexpectedly caught out on a technicality. Wouldn’t you expect some empathy if this happened and you lost everything?

You might think you have everything covered, as many do, but unpleasant surprises can happen to anyone.

How did you get into IT and how could I do it?

I agree but I didn't start a thread criticising people who don't get married and give up their career. My point really was people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Ah I see.

Not sure why your husband doesn't have a pension but your thread works as a warning that people need to make sure they contribute to a pension and have back-up plans.
Why doesn't your husband get disability now?

Why not married with children no career- i don't understand

I don’t understand this at all?