Why not married with children no career- i don't understand

[Stressedgiraffe]

I know this will be inflammatory.
I got married at 27 .first child 29 second child 31.
I worked nanny's/ childminder then school childminders/after school nanny's.
There have been periods when I've been a sahm.

But we have worked as a team.
Now teenagers my dh is unable to work.
I can support everyone.
I pay for everything as he did when I was a sahm.
Difference is ill be doing this for the rest of my life.
You need a fall back. You may have a high earner. My dh earned £100k a year then nothing.due to disability.
You need to think about being able to support your family.
Before anyone pilles on we have a seviourly autistic child who can never leave home.

Yes, it's too late now to plan better financially but, OP, you need to insure YOUR income. If something happens to you, there's no-one left to fall back on, so do it while you can.

Pip is not means tested so with applying for DH and DS.

What insurance do you have? We over pay into pension and mortgage but have no insurance.

I still don’t understand why your reference to not married in title has anything to do with this

I agree with your op though especially those who are unmarried stay at home parents. It is such a precarious position to be in especially if the relationship breaks down. You are at risk of becoming homeless, without an income and zero legal rights.

People mistakenly believe in the non existent concept of common law spouse. There is no such thing under English law. You're very much at the mercy of your ex partner when it comes to a legal claim or your late partner's family regarding inheritance. There are many threads on here by unmarried people who've been caught out after a relationship break up or their partner dies.

I do believe that the legal differences between marriage and cohabitation and the risks of being a SAHP should be taught at schools in citizenship classes. It all links back to giving people the tools & information to make the right choices for themselves later in life.

Many younger people don't know that marriage & civil partnerships give them legal protections. There's a lot more people now born to unmarried parents than before & the social stigma has gone as well. The knowledge of the benefits of marriage isn't so widespread anymore.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

Bit Confusing. Whoever has been working in your family you’ve been on a good income.
Not seeing how your situation is that unusual unless your poor planning has come as a shock.
£70k is a great income. Twice the average. Not great for a family in the SE but presumably you get disability income too.

He was a contractor so didn't do it. Stupid ly now we are applying for pip. I make too much for anything else. We lost our house due to my cancer and as he wasn't working to look after me we now rent

I don't understand why you aren't claiming PIP and carers allowance etc? It sounds like you're genuinely entitled to it?

Whilst I agree it's wise to plan for the possibility of an income being lost, earning 70k is probably in the top 10% of incomes in the UK. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to just drop into making that much money, even if they do keep a little side hustle going or update qualifications. The amount of jobs that pay that is limited.

But, yes, their wisdom in keeping your fingers in a few pies just in case.

We've always had private income insurance that covers most of my husband's salary (includes disablement, sickness and anything that stops him doing his job).

So neither of you had any form of income protection insurance? Do you have it now?

It might be limited now due to pre-existing conditions, but I'd try.

I’m so sorry. I hope the PIP application is successful.

Thanks. May I ask how much it is roughly per month?

I'm not sure exactly. I know it's not cheap but DH takes care of that one.

I think your message is wise. Anything can happen at any time and being prepared is essential.

On a side note, OP, your rent is very high, even for the SE.

You may not want to uproot the kids which is totally understandable but definitely can find 3 bed houses in the SE with much cheaper rent if you ever needed to.

Can your DH do a work from home job, even if it's only part time?

And, does he qualify for any disability benefits? If he CAN'T work then I would imagine he would?

Unfortunately dh has a neurological condition which causes daily seizures.
I wfh 50% of the time but have to travel for work the rest of the time so kids make sure he's ok.

We have applied for pip but it takes time.

We earn that between us with 2dc!!! Not trying to tell you not to complain but that's quite a lot, just to put it into perspective.

It sounds really hard OP. You’ve got a lot on your plate.

Perhaps this post is a lesson to all on the importance of income protection insurance, if not from your employer, then privately.

@Stressedgiraffe how do you manage to earn so much if you have no career??

@LameBorzoi sure but sometimes it is still the unselfish thing to do. I cannot earn as much as my DH and we came overseas for his job.

But I also believe my DC have thrived better with me than they would have in childcare (due to their individual personalities, not a blanket statement) which just makes people pissy even when you only say it about your own. So I'm glad it's what we did.

I was wondering that. It’s a big leap from childminder/SAHP to £70k a year, especially with time off for two episodes of cancer treatment.