Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

I didn't call her a loser at all and I ask you to take that back!

I said she should consider getting therapy because I don't think it's good for people to be all alone in the world in the long term.

If I was going out I wouldn't tell you because you try to police people's language.

I boycott hen nights in the UK as well.

I came on to say exactly the same as you, JoanCollinsDiva! I have 3 wonderful friends for almost 30 years and we aren't always bitching or getting drunk while giggling loudly. We're even all professionals with good careers!
It's strange how most people who have a good circle of friends are happy that it's OK to not have this, whereas many of those who don't have it say they couldn't bear to be in such a group.

Yes, I have 'the girls'. They are the four women I met at the school gates when DD1 was in Reception. We all hit it off straightaway, with shared interests and same sense of humour. We share 9 daughters between us and they all went to the same school and grew up together, and they're all still good friends now.

Even worse, DH became very good friends with their husbands through a shared love of rugby, golf and curry.

So yes, it's all very twee and cosy, but very lovely nonetheless.

I have several other close female friends from sixth form college and university, but they don't know each other. My very oldest and best friend is actually the cousin of an ex boyfriend and we met 36 years ago.

That's really not true at all. There are plenty of things that groups of women/people can do together.

"I couldn't cope with only one-to-ones "

Based on your earlier attack on another poster suggesting that they should have therapy because they are not concerned about having friends or not, may I suggest that if you cannot cope without meeting groups of people then, just perhaps, it is yourself that might want to look into having some therapy?

I don't have this.

A lot of time I wish I did and I can feel very envious of those who do.

But I also know myself and could imagine feeling quite stifled by it.

I'm ok as I am.

Yes, quite. My 'girls' are all educated, professional women. We don't do spray tans or Prosecco or bitching or cackling, mercifully.

We do cocktails, books, afternoon teas, books, shopping, lunches and books.

I've had therapy and would like to have more. It's not an insult to suggest that someone should have therapy!

I don't mind one-to-one meetings with certain close friends, but in general I prefer small groups of 3,4 or 5 and occasionally a slightly bigger group.

Also, I didn't attack anyone.

Prosecco is bad, but cocktails are good?

What's wrong with Prosecco actually?

Well perhaps for some but in my experience these groups are often bonded around drinking.

Never had 'the girls' either .
From these groups l have known there's a hierarchy and they are a bit cliquey. Also very attention seeking and outlandish, boring and trying to out do each other . This may just be the ppl l know though 😁

Some women have them, some don’t. It always tends to be the ones who don’t who wonder what they’re missing out on though. Neither is better or worse - it just depends on you. It’s just today’s society dictates that we should all be popular, witty, pretty, chatty and fun all of the time. It just doesn’t matter OP - whatever makes you happy.

@Another2Cats no one said "loser". Stop over dramatising

My friends (not just women) also go for dinners, coffee, walks, whatever. Sometimes there's a drink afterwards.

I am very lucky that I have both. I am part of a group of girls/women and most of the group have known each other since school. There are about 10 of us. We go out as a large group and also smaller groups at least once a month. We may go out for a meal or 2/3 will go walking, I went out for lunch and to a garden centre with a few the other week, a few of us went to the theatre. 2 live abroad, and have done for years, but have always stayed as part of the girls group and we meet up when they are home or we visit them. We did a fab holiday last tear when we all went to visit one of our friends abroad.

I have travelled a lot and have a hobby that has meant that I have friends all over the UK. I am out for tea with one of them tomorrow and for Friday evening drinks with another 2 in a few weeks.

I do consider myself to be very lucky to have a wide friendship group, however it does take time and effort to ensure that we plan things and meet up regularly. There are about 3 or 4 of us in the group that tend to do most of the organising.

I'd be lost without my women friends.

I have 2 female friend groups. One group I've known nearly 40 years (we married men who were at primary school together). The other group has developed over 25 years and is still developing - a mix of school mums, church friends and neighbours. The age range is 81 to 31 and it's great to spend time with them.

Obviously I have other friends, male and female but the camaraderie and shared history of these two groups is invaluable to me. We have issues and falling outs and friction occasionally but on balance they are massively positive in my life. I'm so grateful for them.

That sounds really nice! Too much emphasis on booze in this country if you ask me!

I don’t have “the girls” either.

or well I did for a while, and they are all still my friends but they now live in multiple cities and countries and we’ve all been in one place about 4 times in last ten years.
for a while we worked together and it was the best.
going to meet up with a bunch of them in spring and that will be fun, but usually we connect individually.
which I think it far better for actual conversations and connection

enjoy your friends just as they are

That's perfectly normal for many people, don't give it a thought.

Well this is eye opening! I have "the girls" from high school. We don't all live in the same place but we do manage to all get together when the stars align.

In between we keep in touch via WhatsApp groups. Sure the group dynamics have changed over the years, we've gone from meeting every Friday night in the pub and wild holidays to discussing kids but we're all quite close.

I wonder if the changes in communication and social media in our generation has made a difference...not sure we'd still be in touch as much without it (we're all 35/36 now).

One thing is for sure, I'm very grateful I have all of them.

There seems to be some assumption here that if you have "the girls" you don't have friends outside of them which seems odd...the girls and other friends aren't mutually exclusive!

My closest work friends are varied in age (28-61) and completely different backgrounds.

I didn't realise I was in the minority here though!

Not weird at all @Sidebeforeself

I don't have a girly group of friends that do stuff all together. In fact, my hen do was the first time my 4 bridesmaids had ever met each other.

Nothing wrong with you at all. I have a few female friends but none of them know each other so there is never a group meet up. I have a few old school friends who all know each other but none of us live close by so we only meet up very occasionally, in a central meeting place during the day, for lunch, never in the evening as we all have to get back to our respective home towns. My usual meet ups are one to one for a cup of tea (usually at mine) and a natter for a couple of hours and that’s it.