Is it so shocking that I dont have “the girls”?

[Sidebeforeself]

I was talking to a friend at the weekend - someone Ive known a long time but she is part of a couple rather than “my “ friend if you see what I mean. She made some comment about doing things with “the girls’ and I replied that I dont have that sort of a friendship group. She was really taken aback and I could see she felt sorry for me. I explained I have a decent number of friends but they dont know each other, dont live in same city etc so that kind of friendship is never going to evolve for me. She made me feel very unusual.

I must admit I do struggle to make friends and am actively trying to I make more but it left me a bit paranoid. Not least because when I then considered my other friends I realised they do have all female friendship groups! Am I weird? Am I missing out?!

I don't have 'the girls' either. Well I have 2 female friends, but one lives abroad (we get together here or there a couple of times a year and I see the one who lives here most weeks). I have no interest in having a group of friends, never have really. So no, it's not strange as long as you don't feel you're missing out

Well no I don't find calling women " girls" normal. I find it makes the women who are being called that sound ridiculous and immature.

I wonder in your example why do people have to specify the sex of the people they are going out with: why isn't " I'm having a night out with my friends" sufficient?

Or, if it's necessary to be specific about the sex of the friends what is wrong with saying " I'm having a night out with the women/ my women friends.

Or something like "I'm having a night out with Jane and Anne and Beth and the others.

So there are a variety of ways to describe who you are spending time with without using the misnomer " girls".

You are taking it way too serious.

It is serious: language matters.

It's only like having a playful nickname for someone.

I don't have any friends. Not one. So don't feel too bad!

Personally, I think not having this type of group is more the norm

I have a group of friends - 7 of us. Some have known each other since nursery, some from senior school, others from college and I was the last to join (and remain part of the group) as my best friend from uni is part of the group.

I've been part of the group for nearly 35 years. The whole group used to see each other very regularly, we all went to most of the others' weddings, children christenings , birthdays etc. Luckily our partners have also bonded and become good friends and our children have all grown up together. Some see one another separately, go on holidays etc. We try and have a whole group meet up at least once a year but more often than not, someone is missing.

Most people think we're extremely lucky as a group not only to have met and grown as a group , but to have lasted as long as we have. And it's definitely not the norm - I don't know anyone else who has a similar friends group

We all have other friends and only 2 of those have similar 'the girls' friends groups.

We've all fallen out with each other at some point. I think our staying power is that we participate even if we've had a fall out with one of the group and we know that we can trust one another 100%

This. As the saying goes “comparison is the theft of joy”

I don’t have any friends at all and sometimes I really miss having a friend group, then some days I’d just like a friend and other days I’m happy it’s just me, my partner and the kids. I don’t think having lots of friends rather than a friend group is weird though.

Even at school I was never one for going out with the girls!! I am the same now, I have no close female friend's, my bestie is DH. At work I'm the only female on my team and it suites me fine.

"To me there is a difference in a group of friends, either all female/male or a mix, and the 'girls'"

Maybe, but OP was mainly comparing with just meeting friends one-to-one, so while I don't have 'the girls', I put myself more on that side because I really wouldn't want to only see people one-to-one.

You don't have a problem
i went on holiday at 18 with a group of girls from 6th form years back... it put me of for life! Don't feel inadequate- it's OK to have different friends to do different activities with. I can't think of anything worse than only having ' the girls' but each to their own.

I'd agree with those who have said they've had these groups over the years but not necessarily the same group. Maybe you could if you stayed in your hometown.
I've had several over the years and have one now in my later 60's. I think a lot depends on your lifestyle and things you join outside of home/work.
Tbh, I don't think it's odd at all not to be part of female groups like this. From posts I see on here so many are full of drama that you're well out of them.

I'm the same to be honest. Separate friendship groups and no 'girls' as group because I just find that set up very toxic.

I would say I am part of one of these groups where there are about ten of us. If I am honest, I would only really count four of the group as true friends. The rest I know well and am friendly with but not that close to. We go out for a meal about 4 times a year, which is pleasant and a nice catch up. We got friendly in rather unique circumstances, and to be honest, I think the group would have drifted away if not for one of my friends who organised the dinners, etc.

Nah best way and if you're married it'll last longer

Totally normal, I’m the same but I get how you feel. It can feel like the world is full of ‘friend groups’ and I’ve found that in the school mum years but I’d rather have a few good friends dotted about than force a friendship with a group which eventually breaks apart once kids grow up anyway (in my experience!).

I finally found ‘the girls’ but it didn’t work out. One got offended by the other. Another offended me and none of the others stuck up for me so now no more girls.

I have had trouble making friends even though I tried so hard my whole life. At this point I have just given up.

Same as me. Lots of friends, but I always meet up with them individually as none of them know the others. My DD33, on the other hand, has two or three different groups of friends, so when she says she is meeting up with 'the girls', I have to asked which group!

I’ve just left a ‘the girls’ group despite knowing most of them for a long time because I’ve had a few rough years with health issue’s and the girls still like to party and drink like we are in our 20 ‘s despite being middle aged women now. I prefer a quieter life without loud music and alcohol. I’m in other all female social groups which are much more sedate and only meet once or twice a year. You are definitely not missing out. These female social groups have only arisen as I have worked or studied with many other females for long or intensive periods. You are definably not missing out. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep one going as you get older due to various other commitments x

Seconded

I’ve never really had that and I wouldn’t like it. Always seem to have individual friends from different areas of life who don’t know each other. Not deliberate, I just don’t really like groups of more than 3! There’s also often drama with that which I dislike. I think it’s more unusual to have a group of friends, among the people I know.

High earning, educated professional here.
i live 200 miles from where I grew up. Multiple friendship groups of varying sizes. Still close friends with the girls I grew up with. All high earners, all of whom would very much disagree with your post.

Oh lighten up. I use “the girls” to distinguish between a female only event and one where partners are invite or a particular group of friends from another, I don’t think they are girls, am quite sure we all refer to ourselves as women, but they are the friendship group I grew up with and have been “the girls” since we were, well, girls.

So you call them " girls" even though you don't think they are " girls" and your friends don't think they are " girls" either?Sounds like some sort of parlour game or a form of malapropism.