Can never feel proud of myself as DH salary dwarfs mine

[user263758910]

I made £116,319 in 2024. Mid-30s, busy job, two primary aged DC.

DH earned 5x that. His success will always be greater than mine, and even as a high earner I feel like I am not good enough. I will never earn what he is earning.

Because of the large difference in salaries, he treats me like a part-timer, expecting me to do far more of the mental load and traditional gendered role at home.

My achievements are seldom recognised, because his are much greater.

Anyone else feel like this when they work full-time like their spouses but are the lower earner?

Awww you poor love. Big hugs hun.

This really proves that money can't buy happiness. How sad. On a positive note, at least you can afford to leave your husband.

I know people with partners who are SAHP and even they aren’t made to feel ‘less than’.

Many are made to feel 'more than'!

Surely having and raising children is far more rewarding and satisfying than offering your labour to a company in return for a salary..?!

Now where did I put my violin?
We get a third of your salary,( both retired) and though more money would be welcome, it’s enough to pay bills, run a car, have a holiday, heat the house, feed clothe and even save a little. Just be grateful for what you’ve got. It’s not a competition!

No. I've never felt like that. But then I'm not married to a massive twat and I don't tie my self worth to my salary🤷‍♀️.

You're both extremely rich. Buy yourselves some therapy.

Oh come on, clearly a massive wind up post.

Sad that someone would depend on money so much to define their happiness, what a depressing life!

Similar here. At your stages I earnt less than you, he earnt more than your DH.

I just thought I was bloody lucky and did the wifework in the two hours before he got home.

He was bloody grateful that I did.

Most wifework was subcontracted: cleaning, ironing, gardening, even putting up the Christmas Trees.

We are old now and the children are grown. I still think I'm bloody lucky!

Buy yourselves some therapy.

This!

Wow. Ltb. Seriously. Take half of what he has and leave.

I’m not being smug or virtue signalling. I believe that if someone is earning a great salary and doesn’t feel that’s enough for whatever reason, they need that reality check.

I would also say that if your personal value is tied up in your earning ability then that’s never going to end happily. Look at what others have to put up with and evaluate how fortunate you are. In other words, count your blessings. Have a sense of gratitude for what you have and not what you don’t have.

That isn’t virtue signalling.

Your DH is a twat.
Also I am hoping you have a cleaner as well.

I have a mate who earns more than you with a DH who earnt more than her and thought she had a 'little job.' Myself and another friend pointed out how rare it is for women to earn that amount plus do most of the house admin and how lucky he was to be married to a super woman. I think I also mentioned the patriarchy at one point.

I just think he thought that everyone earns that amount of money. He was literally in his own super rich bubble - dickhead

Off topic, but what jobs are paying 500,000 grand a year?!? I'm in the third sector so not got a scooby 😆

yeah right, your lowly £116k salary

This isn’t an earnings problem. It’s a DH problem if that’s his attitude. I earn far less than you and DP earns triple what I earn, but my work is much more valuable. He is proud of me and thinks the work I do is amazing. We share household stuff (though admittedly I probably do more because I am much tidier than him!) Your DH sounds like an asshat!

He is ridiculous. 116k is far more than 95 percent of the uk population to earn. You have done extemely well. Earnings do not dictate how much you get to do around the house. So if you left him and married a new partner who earned 40k a year as say something really meaningful like he was a nurse or ambulance driver, would you expect him to do everything. No. Your husband is trying get out of stuff and using salary as a way to do it. There are calculators online that show where you are in the country in terms of household income. If you left him and relied in your income alone you would be in the top 5 percent of earners in the uk and top 1 percent in the world. So you have done pretty well for yourself and don't actually need him and his income to have a nice life. So think about that next time he holds his salary over you. A huge salary like he has is far from the norm.

I really dislike people judging their worth by how much they earn. It's a poke in the eye for everyone in creative professions (and many other professions/industries) who have zero chance of ever earning salaries of £100K plus. It's also why idiots are impressed with the likes of Elon Musk (including the most impressed of all, Musk himself).

Loads of people are rich, it doesn't mean they're 'better' than anyone else. A lot of them are massive twats. Find a different yardstick to measure your worth - maybe 'being a decent human being' or something?

Anyone else feel like this when they work full-time like their spouses but are the lower earner?

No because my DH isn't a dick

He really needs to earn a billion pounds a month🤔

I think people are being unfair to the OP here. It doesn’t matter what her salary is. What matters is her husband’s dreadful and patronising attitude which seems to be merely based on the fact that he earns more than she does. I suspect he judges everyone according to their wealth (or lack thereof) which is a sad, misguided way to live.

It's really sad that you measure achievement solely based on money. A nurse is achieving far more than a stock broker, in my opinion. And I say that as a high earner! Maybe give your head a wobble.

Nope never felt like that. Dh always earned more than me but showed me frequently how much he appreciated not being the sole earner.
If your salary is really spare, invest it in something meaningful for you to provide you with security and income.

It matters to her, she had to tell everyone exactly what she earns!

If you think a salary is an indication of a jobs worth and value to society, then quite frankly neither of you has the intelligence or critical thinking to deserve such wealth.

Just get hire a chef. You can afford it

Some people are so unnecessarily nasty.

The problem isn't the salaries.

The problem is you have a husband who doesn't value you. If you out earned him, he would have a problem with that too and use it to devalue you too.

You need to address it with him and see if it changes or if it won't/doesn't, will you be happy with this on an ongoing basis.