Can never feel proud of myself as DH salary dwarfs mine

[user263758910]

I made £116,319 in 2024. Mid-30s, busy job, two primary aged DC.

DH earned 5x that. His success will always be greater than mine, and even as a high earner I feel like I am not good enough. I will never earn what he is earning.

Because of the large difference in salaries, he treats me like a part-timer, expecting me to do far more of the mental load and traditional gendered role at home.

My achievements are seldom recognised, because his are much greater.

Anyone else feel like this when they work full-time like their spouses but are the lower earner?

Thanks, I love biscuits nearly as much as humble brags

How rude.

Is your world so small that you don't understand that there are people who absolutely do earn this kind of money?

I understand a bit of what you're feeling. My DH earns nearly double what I earn. Not as much as you and your DH by any means but we both earn an all right amount. I feel guilty that I don't earn as much partly as my 2 DC (not his DC) are both at uni and have cost associated with them (their dad also pays but overall my DH probably pays more). We work as a team and he doesn't belittle me at all but I still feel like I should be earning more.

Of course people do.

Absolutely I agree people can make those salaries

do I think the spouses would be moaning on that salary whilst making 500,000 a year on Mumsnet? Nope!

No wonder you feel unsuccessful. You are earning a fantastic salary but could only find a twat for a husband. I think you both need to find a healthier way to measure 'value'.

@BeAzureAnt I know. My best friend is a Reader and she’s shy of 60K and she has a publishing record that is stellar and better than mine. ALSO in the humanities we don’t need to chase grants in the US per se. I have a pretty generous annual research budget. Those in the Ivies are even more generously funded.
Having said that there are many many many who work as adjunct earning 60-70K in the US which doesn’t go far (healthcare costs etc).
But I got lucky- I got a job straight after a PhD (US PhD, UK undergrad) and made it to tenure. There were 3 jobs in my field across the whole of the US last year.

Thanks, I love biscuits nearly as much as humble brags

Got you 👍 Clearly my radar is tired this Friday afternoon.

You’re going to receive loads of hate on here from low income households - who couldn’t pull your salary together with their joint income. I think the issue is high earners are often high spenders, so although people will be suggesting a live in chef ‘why not you have money to burn’, the reality will be that even on your generous household budget, you probably can’t afford live-in staff. Can you Deliveroo?

How rude you are!!

I think their world must be.
Every single time someone posts mentioning their salary we get posters insisting it's not true.
Why?
How can anyone never have come across high earners before?
It's genuinely baffling!

Can you try and get a pay rise / a promotion, having said that you are doing ok for your age but I understand your worries as I’m in a similar position so following with interest

How is your dh making you feel inferior? What is it he says or does?

The massive salaries are irrelevant, really not sure why you stated them (either not real or a boast).

MN needs a tiny violin emoji.

I think people are being a bit tough here, she admits to being a high earner but her partner earns 5x more. The amount is irrelevant really.

You both work full time and should share the domestic duties. Or....charge him!

Personally speaking he sounds a bit narcissistic and you deserve to be respected for what you do. It doesn't sound that it is emotionally or practically, let alone a financially equal partnership. You should seriously talk to him about this.

Is it just me who’s picturing the OP and her husband as the ‘we’re considerably richer than you’ couple from the Harry Enfield tv series?

To be blunt, when you are on your deathbed you will not care how much money you or your DH made. It's not that important when all is said and done. Both of you need to rethink your priorities.

So you’re an intelligent high earner, why are you tolerating this? Just leave him. This isn’t love- you don’t treat people you love like that.

You sound easily baffled.

Laughed after reading the first line of the OP. 😂

Christ if our combined earnings were 650k per annum I’d be outsourcing every single household role going!

You cannot judge success by earnings, op.

I'll bet neither of you are in the least bit deserving of those salaries.

You are allowed to hate mean treatment from your husband as a high earner you know?

Yeah I'd be doing sweet FA around the house 😂