Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Moving to be closer to grandchildren

138 replies

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 08:23

I am interested in experiences of people who have done this. We are considering moving to be closer to grandchildren at the other end of the country. We also have another adult child living some hours away, and it will be easier to see them both. They are buying a house in the area we are thinking of moving to. My son is very keen for us to move closer, DIL I think is worried her parents will feel pushed out!

OP posts:

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/01/2025 08:38

You can move anywhere you like but please ensure there are hobbies and things you like doing and decent hospitals etc in that area so you can build your own life there too and not put too much pressure on your children. Also remember they're free to move at any point too so don't do it 'just' for them or next year they might be in Dubai.

But aside from that I think it will be lovely. You might want to rent for a year before you sell your home x

stichguru · 10/01/2025 08:49

I second what the other posters has said, you can move wherever you want, but assume that you will be living mostly independent lives. Just make sure that where you move to is good for people getting older. Think about what opportunities there will be for activities? Should health stop you driving, will you be able to reach stuff you need/want on public transport or by foot or mobility scooter? Also think about if your family moved again quickly for work or something, would you be happy in the area?

Chocolatey1234 · 10/01/2025 09:03

How old are you OP and how old are your GC? Does the area your thinking of moving to have a good public transport system, good hospitals and are there any other attractions in the area apart from your GC? I can totally understand you wanting to move nearer them to see more of them. But they may have lots of friends, kids may have various activities going on etc etc.

MIL once mentioned moving closer to us they were elderly by this point and our DC were almost at Secondary. I was dreading it as DH works long hours and they would have known no one in the area and likely as the only family in the area and with DH working such long hours I would be expected to care for them both and run around after them. They also have no boundaries so could imagine them interfering in all areas of our lives and turning up without asking if it was ok practically everyday, staying for long periods and I/we would have no escape.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

crumblingschools · 10/01/2025 09:06

What are your plans in respect of seeing them? Why would DIL feel her parents are being pushed out, how often do they see GC? Will your son facilitate you seeing him and GC?

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:07

They are about to move into the area themselves so don't have friends as yet. They are generally struggling a lot and call upon DIL's parents for help who live two hours away. I think we could be really helpful but will have to be careful about boundaries. We have other family and friends not too far away and have lived in the neighbouring county in the past. There is plenty to do in the area but we will spend a week in an air b and b I think first to decide definitely.

OP posts:

crumblingschools · 10/01/2025 09:09

Assume you won’t be working. Make sure you have a life/hobbies separate to them. Do they use childcare, how old are DC?

festivemouse · 10/01/2025 09:10

You can obviously move wherever you want to!

But make sure there's enough in the area for you to enjoy life there if they decide to move away / you don't see them much / the relationship breaks down.

Obviously your son is on board, if his wife has hesitations perhaps there's some worry about living so close to someone that she doesn't really have a close relationship to (if you live a country away currently) and having to provide entertainment / suddenly have you round all of the time.

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:11

Yes we are both retired. Two and one due in the summer. They have childcare at the moment , yes. When they move they will have to find a new nursery.

OP posts:

curious79 · 10/01/2025 09:12

My dad moved to be closer to us and it has been the best thing ever. In the first instance it has been great just seeing him so much more often. Now that he is older and is getting more infirm it is fantastic being able to help him without it requiring a drive down the motorway

2chocolateoranges · 10/01/2025 09:14

As a DIL I would be a bit put out if my in-laws moved to the same area as us, if they moved within a few miles then fine but not the same area. Far too close for my liking!

Rosebudwater · 10/01/2025 09:15

My parents did this. It's mainly worked out really well. They were retired, had friends but not super close ones locally, and I think we're missing family life, and we were missing them. They kindly have my preschooler one day a week, and we see them for outings some weekends. It's also reassuring to have them close by (about 20 mins drive) in case of emergencies. It's led to a lovely close and casual relationship between my DC and them that would have been harder to get if we just saw them every couple of months or so at a weekend.
As others have said, as long as you're not there solely for them and you can build a life that sustains outside of the grandkids, then it's a great idea.

myladyjane · 10/01/2025 09:15

We live close to my dm and have done since my kids were toddlers (and my dad was still alive). She's now widowed and they are teens.

They love her very much but seeing her weekly is too much for them. She talks a lot about school stuff (ex teacher so common ground) but it stresses them out and will make little comments about them not prioritising her visits if they are out with mates.

I have to do a lot more managing of their relationship than I expected to or do with the other set they see less frequently. My kids are good kids and my mum is lovely btw. It's just all a bit too much.

I am not saying this is you at all but it also wasn't us 10 years ago. So as others say make sure you are moving g for your own sake and not just theirs.

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:15

curious79 · 10/01/2025 09:12

Actually this is what is swaying me. My son has been saying that he will be on hand to help us as much as we can help them. At the moment we feel very isolated and it would be lovely to have someone to feed the cat when we're away and help with stuff occasionally. We are both in good health at the moment, but things could change. I also want to have a close relationship with my grandchildren, something i never had as a child.

OP posts:

Beamur · 10/01/2025 09:17

I helped my Mum move nearer. She didn't drive so living somewhere she could get the bus easily to us was great. Ditto when she needed help, it was a short journey. We saw her several times a week and she helped with childcare, walking the dog and it was just lovely being able to see her.
PIL lived 3 hours away. Had little involvement with GC when they became ill/infirm it was hellish for DH.
I think if you get on well with your kids and want to be an involved grandparent it much easier if you're 10 minutes away.

crumblingschools · 10/01/2025 09:18

How do you get on with DIL? I will say if my MIL had announced she was moving closer to us (currently 5 hours away) in the early days of DC I would have been very worried as she was someone who had to be in charge and would have been turning up on doorstep every day telling me how to be a parent and taking over. And we would have been her sole social life.

However, she has mellowed and we have a much better relationship and if she announced she was moving near now I wouldn’t be dread it, in fact it would make our lives easier as she gets older

Soñando25 · 10/01/2025 09:19

I think that the move could work really well for you, especially given that your Son and DIL are only just moving there themselves. If you've already lived in the next county I'd say that's a big plus too.
As far as your DIL's worries about her own parents being pushed out are concerned, I don't think that would be a reason not to move, as it sounds like you're sensitive to the situation. In any event, it can never be entirely equal among grandparents, at least that's my experience.
In an ideal world, everyone carves out their own relationship with the grandchildren and needs to be sensitive to the feelings of the other grandparents if they live further away snd step back when appropriate.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 10/01/2025 09:21

Lots of good advice here. Being sure to give your DIL plenty of space and respecting that the grandchildren will have other fish to fry as they get older are both important.

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:21

I get on reasonably well with her, but she is very very attached to her family and i don't think likes the idea that we will be seeing more of the grandchildren.

OP posts:

Snowmanscarf · 10/01/2025 09:21

Friends of ours have just moved from the south to further north to be nearer their young adult children - no grandchildren on the horizon yet.

NeedSomeComfy · 10/01/2025 09:23

As a DIL who lives in the same town as my PIL and a country away from my parents, I can say that in my experience the family help is invaluable - having a loving and dedicated extra adult on hand for regular or emergency childcare or other help has been wonderful. Of course I am sad that my own parents don't see the DC as much, and like your DIL I was worried that they'd be pushed out, but actually my DC really love them and we have a great time when we visit so it's been fine.
I echo what PPs have said about cultivating your own lives and interests though - in my case it's not an issue since we're living in my PILs home town, but if I felt my DC were their only focus it would be a bit suffocating!

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:24

I think the travelling to see them is becoming more and more onerous . I would like to be able to see them for a couple of hours and then go home rather than have to travel a long way and stay a few days. They don't have the space to put us up and it all becomes very expensive. Also when they visit us they tend to stay at least a week, and that's becoming more difficult as we get older.

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 10/01/2025 09:25

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:21

I get on reasonably well with her, but she is very very attached to her family and i don't think likes the idea that we will be seeing more of the grandchildren.

Then it feels like this needs resolving before you decide, TBH.

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:26

SheilaFentiman · 10/01/2025 09:25

Then it feels like this needs resolving before you decide, TBH.

Show quote history

I don't see why we should decide not to move because of that! It's our choice.

OP posts:

SheilaFentiman · 10/01/2025 09:26

Are you thinking of a move 5 mins away or half an hour away or…?

Original poster

Allatseas · 10/01/2025 09:27

Up to an hours drive away, depends on the houses that come up.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread