I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

She didn’t sneer. I agree with her, it sounds shit.

She’s asking quite a lot of her friends isn’t she?

This is what I think. If she wants to go on a 20hr day trip, then she should go. But expecting other people to accompany her to do this, is ridiculous. Although OP didn't mention costs, she implied she'd have to pay her way to do something that she feels obligated to.

What is with all the silly extravagance lately? No problem if you want to do something, but don't expect others to want to as well.

OP just say in tbe group sorry you won't be able to make it for various reasons. Then see how many of the other 5 follow suit. They might be grateful for one person speaking up.

TownDrain · Yesterday 14:51
That sounds hellish to me (and I'm mid-40s, fit and healthy)

Me too I'm afraid!

A day at Disneyland:
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
waaaiiitttt
one step forward
one step forward
one step forward
ad nauseam…

If there is a shared group chat about this, can you voice your concerns and see if other people start to agree with you?

Normally I'm very big on "Make the effort and get out there with your friends," but this sounds really OTT, exhausting and also very expensive. Is she really sure about this and has she canvassed her friends to see what they'd like to do as well and what they can afford? Most friend groups just go out for a nice meal/drinks or possibly a spa day to celebrate a birthday.

I'd not even have done a day like this in my 30s. What's the point: you'll be lucky to fit in 2 rides and lunch. A weekend, yes, a day trip no. Just because it can be done doesn't mean it's going to be anything but exhausting for too little return.

dont Do it 🤣 im in my 30s and a few weeks ago we decided very spontaneously me and my 2 kids to last minute have a day trip to Disney land.

we left the house at 4 am and didn’t return until 1 am kids had a mad adventure and haven’t stopped talking about - me I was wrecked for a week hahahaha

The outing sounds worse than Chinese water torture. Nah.

She’s not being precious. She knows she wouldn’t be able to cope with this, and judging by other posts on the thread, a lot of other people wouldn’t be able to cope with it either.

She wouldn’t achieve anything by going and dragging herself through the day. Her friend would surely notice she was struggling.

I wouldn't go for just any birthday, but it is her 50th.

I’d rather eat my own hair….

Disneyland Paris without children?!
That would be a thanks, but no thanks from me.

I'm a few years younger and that sounds exhausting to me,

That’s what I would do. Meet them mid morning when they arrive and then at least you’ve had a good nights sleep to face the day.

I agree. You might actually enjoy it, in a ‘this is completely crackers’ sort of way. It will give you something interesting to talk about to other people, whether it’s a good trip or a nightmare. It’s only a few hours out of your life, much of it sitting on a coach with your headphones on - it’s not a month trekking to the South Pole.

But do you regret going and wish you hadn't bothered?

I would put in the effort for my friend.

Obviously no one has to do anything they don't want to but I think it's poor form to not make effort for friends, it's one day. And people wonder why they don't have any friends these days!

I’m 31. Could I do this kind of thing? Sure. Would I find it enjoyable? No, it sounds exhausting…

but I would make the effort for a good friend. But if it’s genuinely too much for you, you’ll have to tell her. Be honest, tell her that you value and love her but simply can’t do it.

I guess that's another way to look at it. I'm still thinking she really really wants to do Disney but doesn't want to ask friends to give up their entire weekend or the cost of a weekend.

I'd definitely talk to the friend see what she is really thinking

Can you not go but tell the group you will need a bit of time in the afternoon to rest. You can just arrange to meet them all later. Seriously i’d go, time with good friends is precious, and this will be a day you’ll look back at with fondness one day. You can relax on the Eurostar too.

My friends wouldn't expect me to put myself out both financially and physically for something like this.

Because they are not all me, me, me.

And I have plenty of friends thanks.

If I made the effort and forced myself to go - as some are suggesting- I would likely lose the friendship as I would be so tired and so over peopled, at various points in the day that I would probably end up snapping.

Some people seem ok with this as a day plan, but some of us wouldn't be able to manage it without being exhausted the next few days, not to mention spending several hundred pounds on the whole affair.

We are all different, it doesn't make us wimps or bad friends to recognise our own limitations.

It’s the meal out in Disneyland that gets me. After having had to endure a day of misery at a kids theme park, you have to eat some incredibly overpriced rubbish probably surrounded by families, when you could have been in Paris having a civilised time.

I’m a similar age to OP and don’t have an issue with stamina. Recently did an overnight coach to south of France…

But this proposal is bonkers. How much time will you spend at Disney? What’s the cost per ride? I like the idea of a good boozy meal - but at Disney?? I’m not a huge Mickey Mouse fan, but what I really hated was the awful food - limited choice of overpriced crap. The one time I went to DLP it was cold and we couldn’t find anywhere to sit inside with a coffee to warm up. As a PP said, a day trip to Paris would be fine, but I’d be politely declining.

No way. If you're apprehensive now just think how you'd feel if it was tomorrow, and you were setting your alarm for 5 (earlier?) to get the coach.

"That's a lovely invitation but I won't join, I'm sorry. Let's you and me celebrate your birthday together? I'd love to get us dinner at x restaurant nearer the time - let me know if you fancy it and I'll ring to book."