I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

The early start and coach trip sounds doable - but not the Disney bit. I’ve never heard of people going without kids, what an odd thing to do. Sounds completely ghastly to me. Perhaps you could do the coach bit and then go and see a museum / gallery/ notre dame / sit in a cafe / have a wander in Paris and meet them for the way back.
In terms of how you express your decline of her invitation I’d go for a simple ‘I’m really sorry I won’t be able to come, can we do dinner instead?’ Without elaborating on why. If pushed could you say you really hate theme parks - heights, claustrophobia? The deep distress of being in France, near such wonderful culture and food but stuck in the seventh circle of hell?

@VandalsTookTheHandlez think you will find the majority of the thread agree with me.

She clearly does have additional needs, these are her needs.

YANBU OP I couldn't cope with that either, it's far too much travelling and people-ing for far too long in one go. I would decline and offer to do something else with her to celebrate.

I wouldn’t want to go on that trip either, day would be way to long, just make your excuses and suggest meeting for a celebratory lunch / dinner some other time,

I would imagine there will be more invitees than you who won’t want to go on this

"I don't want to be that person who says yes now and then bails in 3 months time, so I'll find a way of saying no, but suggest something less strenuous we could still do together."

That is very wise. you don't want to go so say no, thank you. If something else is planned for the celebration, and you want to do it, then do.

And you do not need any specific reason, just I am not into such a busy hectic day.

Op do you think she would really prefer an overnight or weekend but doesn't want to say?

I think I'd mention on the group chat it seems an awful lot of money and travel for what's really going to be an afternoon in the park.

Everyone in the group is probably thinking exactly the same thing. Maybe the others still have young kids (or potentially DGC) so can't really justify a weekend away at Disney without the kids. But I'd definitely say something to dampen the idea, either UK theme park or a weekend away if she really wants to do Disney.

BTW I don't think it's unreasonable to want to do Disney at 50 I just don't think a day trip sounds anywhere near feasible.

A bunch of middle aged women going to Disneyland Paris on a coach for a one day piss up? She's either having a mental health breakdown or is trying to get a Netflix series.

Sounds hellish but I would make the effort for a good friend. You only live once and a day or two of discomfort is a small price to pay for being there for a good friend

I've never understood the appeal of Disneyland unless you've got small children 🫤 this day out would be my idea of hell!

Children would ruin it 😂

I've only been with friends. Adults love Disney too. There'll likely be lots of adults.

I wouldn't have made a special trip but was near enough to it in California a few times - so I've been three times.

in fact, I've just remembered, the coach from the hotel mostly had adults. We were sharing candy on the way back. Lovely atmosphere.

I get travel sick, so this would be hell

You don't have to do something you know you will not enjoy just because it's someone's birthday! I know it would be too long a day for me, so I would invite her out for a lunch/shopping/cinema trip on another date.

Small children can't do bigger rides. I can see an advantage to going without kids who moan about que lengths too.

Going to Disney is not the issue for me, it's trying to do it as a crazy day trip. It would be far better to make a weekend of it.

I wouldn't expect anyone to do this for me!!
It's a huge ask if it's not someone's cup of tea and just wouldn't expect people to.pay however much it is either.

I don't think I'd cope and I'm only 32.

For a very good friend I'd make an effort but I'd also disappear to the bathroom for an emergency 10 minutes to close my eyes I think.

I don't think there's a way you can do things differently without coming across as attention seeking or trying to make her birthday about you.

You either need to gird your loins or say you can't make it asap.

There's absolutely no way. What a selfish and juvenile plan.

Just tell her you don't have the stamina but will meet her for a drink some other day.

I imagine she expects you to pay your own way, too? So crass.

It's a measly birthday, not the coronation.

Honestly that's such a big day, I'm what you might call young and I personally would not be able to do it. You aren't being unreasonable at all to say it's too much for you but you'd love to celebrate at home with them. Just be honest and explain your worries. You definitely don't need to do something that you're not comfortable with and that will potentially be a really difficult/exhausting day for you because you feel like you should or to please other people.

Appreciating this is a good friend, if you think you'd enjoy a shorter day, you could go the night before and stay in a hotel or make a longer trip of it. However, if you're not bothered, Disneyland is busy, very expensive and absolutely exhausting (I love it and still stand by this). If you are worried at all, it's not worth it. The build up or having to endure the day. You're absolutely fine to say no and any friend would understand.

'Just' 52?
Who over the age of 10 yrs wants to spend 24 hours travelling just to shake hands with a jaded human in a naff Mickey Mouse costume?

Oh goodness.. sounds like hell…couldn’t have even done that at 20 ! could you fly to Paris a couple days before and meet them at Disneyland .. go back in coach if needed.
Bonus.. a couple days by myself in Paris.. wondering, occasional museum, gallery, nice food and wine and people watching.

Have you done anything over Christmas/recently that means you can say that having done xyz recently and been completely wiped out during and after as a result, it has made me realise that your birthday trip will just be so much more that I’m just not going to cope for even half the day let alone all of it, which isn’t fair to you or the others going. So I’m going to drop out now and instead say let me take you for lunch/to the theatre/out one evening just the two of us Maybe we can celebrate your 50th birthday plus one week (or whatever date you can do) then you can tell me all about it while I marvel at your energy and stamina and xxx as I hear the stories and see the pics and I won’t have spoilt your special day plus you’ll have an extra celebration to look forward to when you’re back.

If also get in quickly because you don’t want to be one that is the last to drop and feel even more pressure from her to go - I bet it might be like hen does where everyone says yes to start but then as more people realise what is entailed they think oh no and drop out. Will your not going mean that the re are cost implications for the others? Hopefully not but another reason to drop out as soon as you can so it’s not a shock to anyone (as you’ve already alluded to).

You're 52. Your friend will be 50. I'm guessing the others are in the same age range. All adults. Why would it be a downer to bow out for a bit?

Debbie, your plans sound great! I'm in, but not for all day. I'll need to take a bit of me time in the afternoon and re-join you all for dinner and the evening.

🤷‍♀️

Op an invitation is just that, not a royal summons! You are perfectly entitled to
decline politely. Presumably you are not her only friend?

If she is a very close friend then I think I might invent a diplomatic mystery condition as to why I couldn’t be on my feet all day. 😉

Honestly though I can’t think of anything worse as a proposed plan for a 50th birthday. I couldn’t stand Disney land as a child, never mind an adult. She’s asking quite a lot of her friends isn’t she?

The thing is, you don't actually NEED to have time to recharge etc - you'd prefer to, because that's your personality, but what's going to happen if you don't have it? Maybe you'll be a bit grumpy/fed up but you're a grown up and can manage that in a social situation for one day. So I wouldn't use this is a reason to your friend, I'm not sure they'll understand. And I say this as someone with a very similar personality.

On the other hand, I don't blame you at all for not wanting to go - it sounds dreadful - but I think you need to find a different reason not to go if you don't want to upset your friend.

I agree. Not my cup of tea and im introverted but for one day I'd just suck it up. It's not the end of the world.