I need to be honest with my friend and admit that her 50th birthday outing will be too much for me, but feel bad saying it!

[Winterysun]

I'm only two years older than her, am sociable, enjoy going out and I work - BUT I also need 'recharge' time, as I'm more introverted than her.

The planned day is Disneyland Paris, which will mean getting on a coach at 6 am, arriving mid-morning and not getting home until midnight/1 am. I've done Disneyland Paris before when my children were young, and loved it but we stayed for long weekends, rather than rushing around in a day!

I've done similar things before, but feel wiped out by the afternoon after such an early start, and with a lively group I won't have that 'chill time' to get my energy back for the evening (meal & probably a lot to drink)!

I'd love to still celebrate with her, ie, theatre, lunch & sightseeing, local restaurant etc but don't want to disappoint her! Would any of you admit you don't fancy it, or go anyway and possibly struggle to keep up?

I'm 65 and I would be up for it!! I would much prefer that it was at the very least an overnighter - but perhaps the financial implications would put some people off.

I would not be doing that. I'd be crippled by IBS by lunchtime and at the end of my tether.

im like you, I need recharge time. But for the sake of my mate I’d suck it up and go and take some headphones for some time time on the coach.

It is rude of your friend to place such demands on people. Anything that requires extra effort on the part of the invitees - finding babysitters when not usually done, travelling considerable distances, buying special outfits, etc. is poor form and I don't think it should be encouraged. Apologise and say 'not my cup of tea'.

I think you should go but build in some time on your own. Tell them now that you'll be sleeping or chilling out on the coach (that's when you can get your time alone with a podcast) then after lunch, just state "I'm feeling like I need to sit in a coffee shop for a bit" or say you want to go back to a shop and browse and arrange a time to meet back up.
You can make the day work for you whilst also making an effort for a friend . It's like running a long run, you don't necessarily love every bit but afterwards you've reaped a lot of rewards. I always think friendship is like a bank, you need to invest in it. There'll be something important you need at some point, it will help to have maintained your relationships well they really are what makes the world go round

Sounds hellish. But I hate coaches and found DLP extremely underwhelming when we took the kids there so I would never have signed up to this in the first place.

An outing for someone's birthday shouldn't be an endurance test. It's unreasonable. Just don't go.

you need to be assertive here which is not the same as being rude

either book yourself a hotel and travel separately and do not give a monkeys what they think.

Or just say now - look I really wouldn't enjoy it so no thanks

surely by 50 friends can say that to each other?

I feel that most people I know by our age (late 40s!) - would feel comfortable to say no to something like this if they were not keen.

I'm 52 and would probably still go but would much prefer staying over! I could manage it however, but I would probably sleep or read a book on the coach. I'd be ok with it as long as I didn't have to work the next day or anything like that.

It sounds like my worst nightmare BUT I'd go and do it and catch up on rest over the next few days.

It's a one off for her 50th!

I also wouldn't be able to drink much at the evening meal because it would make me travel sick on a bus.

I arranged a ski trip for my 50th. Granted it was 3 nights rather than one long day, but I didn't get upset if people didn't want to come as I understood it was their money and their choice on how to spend their free time.

Presumably at least one or two other friends want to do the trip, and actually it would be a lot easier to get around DLP with 2-4 people rather than 6, at least one of which is constantly trying to slope off and decompress with a coffee in a dark corner ( that would be me).

It shouldn't be a biggie to say no politely and it shouldn't mark the end of the friendship.

I'm 50 and this sounds like absolute hell. If your friend doesn't have the same issues/concerns as you then I think she might find it difficult to understand why you wouldn't want to go.. I am certain if I said to my very close but totally extravert friend that this was too much for me and the reasons why (as you have explained) then I know she would think it odd. But that's because she doesn't have the same issues as me and, for her, the more people she is around the more energy she seems to have !

sorry OP, not v helpful but I sympathise..

I would probably go for my friend but secretly hate the whole day and then take 2 days to recover inc a day off work if need be. And turn my phone off for 2 days to not be disturbed.

This!

You’re better off saying no now, then trying to get out of it in a few months time.

FWIW, I’m much younger than 50, and this sounds like hell! Who on earth wants to be on a day trip from 6am - midnight! Let alone at Disney land.

I think the birthday girl is the selfish one expecting other people to give up a day to do this.

A one-day trip to Disneyland is really too rushed. If it were me, I would tell him that it feels uncomfortable.

Sorry OP, but you sound like a terrible friend. You can’t put yourself out for your friend’s 50th birthday party?! That’s pretty shameful. I am an introvert too and a day that long would be hard, for sure, but you just have to plan rest days around it and if necessary let your friend know you’ll leave the park a bit early to rest up so you can be on top form for the meal. Missing it completely because you’re not willing to expend extra energy at all for such a special occasion just shows her you don’t actually care that much about her. Perhaps you’re actually doing her a favour by showing her you’re not that good a friend. Sorry to be blunt!

Absolutely fuck that - Disneyland, on a coach? Just no.

I'm 39 and would absolutely hate doing that trip.

You’re very much in the minority. Thank god!

I wonder how far some people think doing something out of your comfort zone should extend for someone's birthday?

I like open water swimming and rock climbing, I wouldn't ever arrange a birthday event including these two activities and expect friends to participate if it wasn't their thing. What's celebratory about having friends do things under sufferance?

@SolarWinds
That's a very good point.

Disney might not be the friendship groups thing. And I can see why it really wouldn't appeal to some people, too fake, too busy, cost.

For me it would be the torturous process and crazy expense of trying to do it as a day trip. But I can also see why the Birthday girl is suggesting a day trip, less costly than an overnight. And less of an ask for any friends who still have young kids (it's not unusual for 50yos to have primary aged kids)

This thread is very mixed with responses, but I am of the same thinking as you.

Surely you would want to do something with your friends that everyone is going to find enjoyable. It seems like people get an idea in their head and then think "well it is my birthday and this is what I want to do, therefore my friends have join me" Why do some people think they are that special all the time?

I see it all the time on the wedding threads with impossible requests and rules.

Some really mixed responses here. Personally I wouldn't like it was it would be too much stimuli and not enough rest.

But if you do decide it might be overwhelming let her know ASAP.