What is your favourite delusion?

[MorrisZapp]

I have never held a violin in my life but I am completely certain that if I had one in my hands I could play the theme tune to Black Beauty with a virtuosity that would make lifelong musicians weep with envy.

Please don't tell me why this might not be possible.

I'm just walking along and then I press down harder with one foot and then I am walking/ running in the air.. I can do that thing where you jump from one high tower roof to another also. Going downstairs , I just leap forward from the top flight and then hold the banister to swing round to the next flight down mid-air .. it's just so much quicker than actually using the stairs. So easy that I am constantly surprised that it doesn't seem to work when I am awake ..

I also know that if I just concentrated enough , I could walk through a wall unscathed ,- its just a matter of getting your molecules into the spaces in the wall molecular structure and passing through.. ( obviously if you don't recognise this fact you are just one of the sad unlucky people who do not possess the power to walk through walls )

I am also totally convinced that I could sit at any piano and out boogie- woogie Jools Holland (The only musical instrument I have ever played was recorder at school for one term.)

another one is that if push came to shove I would be able to break into a car and hotwire it - having seen it done so many times on tv. In reality, I couldn't break into my own car without 3 of the neighbours and a random passerby.

I can speak fluent Swedish and Danish after watching all episodes of The Bridge.