What is your favourite delusion?

[MorrisZapp]

I have never held a violin in my life but I am completely certain that if I had one in my hands I could play the theme tune to Black Beauty with a virtuosity that would make lifelong musicians weep with envy.

Please don't tell me why this might not be possible.

After watching ‘Homes Under the Hammer ‘ for a number of years I’m convinced I’d be a great property developer and in fact could carry out all the necessary trades single handedly !

I can also drive at high speed while asleep with my eyes shut and always wonder how lucky I am that I don't bump into things.

Forgot to say I’m gonnna be a really famous crime writer.. this occurred to me a few weeks ago like a lightbulb after one too many wines.. it’s the answer to me becoming rich 🤣🤣🫠

I can fly a plane. I’m sure of it. I could sit in the seat and I’d just know which of those levers to pull and what to press and I‘d be flawless.

I can enrage my daughter to the point of hysteria simply by reminding her I believe this to be true.

My DS was adamant he'd be able to fly a helicopter earlier 😅

Oh my God. Do you actually do that

edited

Haha never mind, I'm reading bottom up and can now see you were talking about a dream 🤣🤣🤣

I’m very sure that when faced with an aggressive person picking a fight I’d easily be able to take them down via a mix of martial arts moves that I’ve seen in films and very effective punching. I’m a middle aged woman with very little upper body strength but that is by the by.

I’m also very sure that I could be a medical consultant after the many years of ER watching I have done. Specialists would refer their patients to me because I’m that good.

And if I ever become famous I’ll go on strictly come dancing and be a naturally talented ballroom dancer who will get a 10 from Craig on week 3.

I'm always blown away by James Bond who can jump into any kind of car / helicopter/ snow mobile / train / boat or whatever without faffing about looking for the right buttons to push or how it works!
In my delusional world I would also have this dexterity and knowledge of such things and 'save the day '! ( without crashing it first )

Yes you can!!

I have found my people. I am good at literally everything in my head. And it always surprises me when I don’t win the lottery. My actress career is definitely on its way, once I have launched my successful fashion label. Watch this space.

That my true calling was to be a circus acrobat and dazzle people in the big top with my skills and elegance.

I can't even do a handstand.

Also (perhaps I can combine the two) I'd have made an amazing spy. I have shared this particular delusion with DH who found it hilarious and listed all the reasons I'd be a dreadful spy. I had to explain to him that my apparent spyly shortcomings were an elaborate double bluff to fool him into thinking he was married to an ordinary person.

I'm sure that I could be the very charismatic and cool front woman in a rock band. Bit of a late starter at 58, but I think I could pull it off spectacularly

Having watched various medical dramas over the years I think I could manage an intubation. 🤔

I had a £10 subscription to Omaze in 2024 that I have cancelled now so I am up £120 for 2025 and count that as a win. I cancelled it because apparently they emailed me to claim a tiny win but by the time I had seen the email (on a Hotmail account I only use for shopping) it had expired.

Yes am also winning lottery but not telling anyone and being subtle about improving things.

Have watched so many Christmas films that the one I write will be excellent.
As will be my book which will lead to pressure to make it a series of books and then a film franchise.

Meanwhile by tuning my radio to a french station I shall become bilingual.

@KevinAndTracy i have this same delusion except it’s with Jonny Lee miller or James mcavoy. I’m not even in a relationship 😂

Currently 36 weeks pregnant. VERY CONVINCED, and utterly disappointed that when I sneeze, I don't effortlessly give birth naturally pain free. I get actually confused why I am still pregnant after a sneeze. Refuse to believe this is delusional though, and instead just waiting for the right sneeze.

@Bluecrumble I have 100% faith that you’d be excellent at an intubation. Us medics need to give each other support.

Cliff-diving....I'm 71 but saving it for my 90's so it won't matter so much if I get it wrong. Which of course I won't because I know I would be really good at it...like Red Bull champion level.

I am convinced that one day I will write an amazing novel. I have held the title of the book in my head for years. It will be prize winning, made into a film and I will be considered an amazing writer once my other novels follow up on the success of my debut.

If I was given the chance, I would be an amazing sniper. Day of the Jackal has nothing on my mad sniper skills.

If I didn’t have responsibilities, I could convince a few friends to go travelling about in a mystery machine like Scooby Doo, and we’d be pesky middle class women of a certain age unmasking love rats and helping people out of awful relationships.

Do you fly upright @ARainyNightInSoho ? I'm more like Superman

@themagicnumberthree yes I fly upright. Obviously, because I’m not a fictional character like superman!

I always thought if I could fly, it would be like Ironman. Once in the air, I could tilt and turn on angle angle I wanted to fly off on.

I do have that distinct memory thing of being able to fly downstairs when I was little, isn’t it something to do with remember being carried?

There is a while thread somewhere on here about this- something like ‘Could you fly as a child?’ It seems many of us have this genuine delusion!

As for now, and with apologies to the previous poster, I am certain I will win the Omaze house.
I’m also certain I’d know exactly what to do if I found an injured fugitive from justice/time traveller hiding in my shed- added to which, I will be extremely thin and fit by Spring.
I don’t have a shed. And fitness will take a lot longer than Spring! Definitely got the house in the bag though.

I fly in any damn position I want! I can twist and turn, fly slowly in a sitting position and - best of all - dive from an extreme height into a sun-sparkled, deep blue ocean. Once there, I either have fabulous underwater adventures or hop onto a boat that just happens to be passing when I want it. It's great, no wonder I love sleeping so much!

My Amazing Novel, the one that every respected author reads and thinks "This is the one I should have written!" has been on page five for approximately six years. I'm still writing it in my head, though, naturally.

Hi to all my fellow super-spies, sharpshooters and general Jane Bond types. The next meeting of the Fat Old Ladies Action Heroines Association will be held at ... well, you know how to get your invite <winks knowingly>