What is your favourite delusion?

[MorrisZapp]

I have never held a violin in my life but I am completely certain that if I had one in my hands I could play the theme tune to Black Beauty with a virtuosity that would make lifelong musicians weep with envy.

Please don't tell me why this might not be possible.

The two potential Grand National winners have reminded me that I too once was due to win that race. I bow to your dedication @powershowerforanhour I am just a race winning jockey, hadn't considered i could train the horse also.

That obviously I am the best person to run the country.

Put a pair of ice skates on me and I’ll be as good as Jayne Torvill 😂

I had lessons when I was younger, but sadly only reached the dizzy heights of skating backwards and forwards and doing a brief small circular twirl on one leg.

I can still remember the feeling!

I think I would be an excellent screenwriter, or a really profound novelist. If only I could get past the first sentence.

I have a recurring dream that i can fly and 'dream me' sometimes has conversations with 'real me' in the dream saying "look! Its really easy, you know how to do it!" And every time i wake up utterly convinced i can fly for about ten seconds until i remember im a dumpy perimenopausal 44 year old

Quite a few!

That I could be...
A singer
A model
A stylist/costume designer
A restaurant owner/chef
A person who starts their own unique business and makes money from it
Really slim effortlessly looking, but eat as much as I want 🤣
Someone who knows how to do hair and makeup
Capable of completing a degree or even a masters, despite no A levels or equivalent 🫤
Confident and without mental Illness
Physically healthy and beautiful

That I’d make a really good cricketer - (batting, to be precise). Based upon a summer of rounders in my PE lessons some 30 years ago.

That I will be interviewed on Jonathon Ross and Graham Norton about the fabulous books I wrote which have been made into blockbuster films. I get on well with some of the celebs who are on too and become friends with Emma Thompson.

Another one is I suddenly come into tons of money - too much for one person so I keep it quiet and get a 'job' at a charity which is really me gifting money to worthy causes - individuals who need help and providing health and social care to vulnerable groups.

That I'm drop dead gorgeous and look good in photos and have an ' in and out ' waist
The exact opposite is true
I know I'd make a wonderful stage actress , yet never done any acting at all!

@OliviaFlaversham @BonniesSlave @LuluBlakey1 Hello fellow fliers! I am fairly sure it's all to do with how you jump, you need to push your feet outwards and parallel to the ground and move forward at speed. You end up on your back and move as if you're on a toboggan a few feet above the ground. This way you offset gravity.

I’m still annoyed that my best friend from school and I didn’t become the next, funnier, more successful, beautiful version of Ant and Dec. We would have had everyone in stitches with our hilarious banter and had the men swooning at our gorgeousness. But we were never given the chance 😒

That loads of random men still fancy me 😀

That I am about to win the lottery.

That with a decent warm up I could do a gymnastics beam routine that could equal, if not better, those of Simone Biles.

I did a forwards roll once in 1992 so I’m fairly certain this is achievable.

YES but for me it's Mel and Sue, remember Light Lunch? My gay mate says I look like a combination of them and he's not wrong. How dare they!

I believe in you! Do it!

That my handsome friend will suddenly declare his love for me.

When he does (same day the lottery email arrives), I will leave the dull husband and be blissfully happy.

Mine is that I could write a bestseller. I was only thinking today of a series of books, all starting with "what I wish I'd known before..." eg, becoming a parent, working in the NHS, going back to an ex etc. 🤔

I’m convinced that I could be a really good dancer if I tried, despite having the grace and elegance of a baby elephant. I frequently walk into things and people, and even trip over my own feet.

No, I fly face down and head front, not on my back.

Yes! I absolutely loved Light Lunch! Mel and Sue are amazing women and both gorgeous so you must be, too 😍

Having watched Mission Impossible espionage is within my skillset and Ethan Hunt would be a mere apprentice. Meanwhile I could put pen to paper and write hits for Adele, Bryan Adams and any artists who needs quality songs.

How to fly:

-Stand up straight
-tip your head slightly back and look upwards
-your feet will slowly lift off the ground and you will start hovering. Practice manoeuvring

This is how flying works in dreams anyway. I’m pretty sure I can do it in RL, I just need to practice more.

I could definitely be a GP for ages and ages without anyone getting suspicious. Yes I know real GPs have to study and practice for years and years and also have to be very clever to start with. But, if I made sure I looked clean and confident and spoke in a kind but brisk manner I could google everything the patient was saying and then choose one of the following options:

1. Tell them it’s a virus, they should paracetamol and come back in 10 days if the symptoms persist
2. If I don’t think it’s a virus give them a form to do blood tests
3. Refer them somewhere else and then ‘forget’ to ever follow up what happened

The above us pretty much a summary of every GP consultation my family and I have had for the last 20 years so I reckon I could get away with it.

I have this dream often. More recently it is that I can simply levitate just by leaning forward and lifting my feet off the ground. It is just so easy and there are normally one or two people next to me who just look perplexed that I can defy the law of gravity. For some reason, it is perfectly normal to me.