What is your favourite delusion?

[MorrisZapp]

I have never held a violin in my life but I am completely certain that if I had one in my hands I could play the theme tune to Black Beauty with a virtuosity that would make lifelong musicians weep with envy.

Please don't tell me why this might not be possible.

Brilliant OP, I have a similar delusion. Well least in the sense it's musical.

There's a piano in a shopping centre near me. I'm full convinced one day I'll summons the courage to sit down at it and discover I'm an incredible pianist who instinctively knows how to play Chopin. Everyone in the place will stop and mavel. Workers will pause their labours. It won't be surprising to discover some are moved to tears at the sheer beauty of the music.

I'm pretty sure I could master pole vaulting after a few goes. Although I can barely run for the bus.

That if I ever did meet Paul McCartney, he would say that I was the Michelle he was singing about!

That I could do a handstand.

Last time I tried, I fell on my chin and got a carpet burn.

I would be a perfect F1 driver - if only I could drive...DH just rolls his eyes

I would be a brilliant gun woman- much like villanelle or the super cool Korean shooter in the Olympics. Jane bond, basically.

irl the only time I’ve seen a gun up close was clay pigeon shooting and I nearly broke by cheekbone not being able to control the blow back. I’m also completely anti gun, but when you’re an international woman of mystery you just have to suck it up

Well obviously my debut novel is going to be turned into a smash-hit feature film, and people will clamour for me to write many more...

If only I had actually written more than a handful of pages of the darned thing.

That even though I only had about a dozen drum lessons 25 years ago, I could absolutely rock out Wembley if only a band would give me the chance.

That after 1 week of eating well I'll miraculously lose the 4 stone I need too.

Could definitely win X factor .. or whatever it’s called these days 🤣

That I could flamenco dance. I have 2 left feet and I wouldn't be able to work the castanets either.

That I can sing and would be a great pub singer.
I cannot carry a tune in a bucket

@alpenguin

Dont worry, you will 🧚🏼‍♀️

I could ride the winner of the Grand National. I dream about it sometimes.

I’m nearly 50, fat, can’t ride.

I am absolutely sure that:

I could have won the Ladies Singles at Wimbledon (and been a very successful world class tennis player) with a bit of proper coaching. In my defence I was once captain if my school tennis team.
I will write an incredibly successful drama series (have never written a screenplay ever but think there is not that much to it that I couldn't do)
I will be 'discovered' as a great artist- have been painting two years and am pretty shit 95% of the time but I 'just know'.
I should have been a Dr and would have been a fantastic Dr.
I could be a better PM than any recent PM.
That I am a talented singer and songwriter. I can actually do neither but think they are both inside me.

I used to have a recurring dream at secondary school age that I could fly if I jumped off a table or chair and did breast stroke in the air. Each time I had the dream I got a bit better (which is weird as I’ve never had any other dreams which develop a skill), until one night, I dreamt I could soar and did so around the ceiling of my maths classroom and out of the door. I never dreamt it again after that yet I still think I could fly just a little bit if I got the arms/jump right. Obviously I know I couldn’t do it from a great height but just a little flutter…yes.

"don’t buy a lottery ticket very often, but I’m always surprised when I don’t win. Genuinely surprised."
Me too.

Also, I acknowledge now that I'm in my mid 40s I'm too old to get to the Olympics starting now, but if I had picked one of about a dozen different sports (including archery, judo, downhill skiing, middle distance running, equestrian, kayaking, sailing) at any time up until my late 20s I would, with a few years training whilst of course still doing my full time job, have been selected for the Olympics and would almost certainly have won gold.

I am sure I flew at night when I was a child. I recall it really clearly, flying down the stairs and out into the street then over the fields and down over the country lanes where we lived.

🤣

@LuluBlakey1 I could be a better PM than any recent PM.
probably not a delusion, tbf

I dream of winning the Highland Show with my sheep. In my mind I’m already the champion

I honestly thought at one point I could score a rugby penalty kick. 🤣

That I am just holding on until I win the lottery.

"I could ride the winner of the Grand National. I dream about it sometimes.
I’m nearly 50, fat, can’t ride."

I like Rachel Blackmore but was slightly pissed off when she won the Grand National because I was meant to be the first woman to win it. It's like your sister or best friend stealing your dream baby name first.

I'll still probably win it though, if I take up riding again, lose a couple of stone, get really fit, learn to race ride, buy a cheap unfashionably bred horse that flourishes under my incredible tutelage and turns out to be a star (I have never trained a horse from scratch but this one will be amazing), and don't turn into a gibbering wreck crapping myself with fear at the start line. When you win the Grand National you parade the horse through the streets of your home town. I haven't quite decided on the route yet, nor who is going to play me in the film (probably myself actually) but it's quite nice to leave these fine details open for pondering.

That I would be an amazing talking head/ journalist.

I would have been an Olympic gymnast if I hadn’t stopped classes after 1 term or touring with Paramore if I hadn’t stopped playing bass in school